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Relationships

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Original poster

Should I make him move out, even if he has no money?

45 replies

hert2020 · 03/07/2021 23:35

Hi! I’m hoping to get some non sentimental perspective!

I had a baby with my partner nine months ago! Before the birth id put a savings plan in place for us both, so I could take six months unpaid leave (my company luckily pays me six months)! After the birth my partner started drinking heavily and has only managed to put in one months savings! It has been down to me to find the rest of the money, which I have scrimped and saved to do! And aside from rent bills abs food my partner has put nothing else towards the baby! I am very angry and resentful about his behaviour and it has led to the breakdown of our relationship! He has stopped drinking for two weeks and it has greatly improved things, he is helping out more and being a bit more respectful! He even put the deposit for the nursery in my account! I was so happy and surprised, until I found out he took a loan to get the money! He is now paying nearly £500 a month In debt! I asked him to cancel the loan but he wouldn’t! He now has very little disposable income and when he needs to pay for nursery he will have around £150 left a month! Our relationship has broken down but he can’t afford to move out! He’s asked me to move into my parents free flat two hours away but I’m resentful that I have to uproot the network of friends and support my baby and I have made because he can’t afford a place of his own! He would also expect me to pay half of the rent too! The only solution is to stay living together in our tiny two bed house! It can be a fairly toxic environment and neither of us want to be living together! However I feel really horrible making him move out when he has nowhere to go (his parents live abroad and apparently not one of his siblings or uncles can have him to stay)! Should I just move to that flat? Again, am I allowed to feel
Pissed off that it will be me having to make all the effort because he can’t get his life together? I’m so confused and hoping you guys/girls can offer some straight talking advice (ps sorry for rambling post, I hope it makes sense)

OP posts:

CrazyCatsAndKittens · 04/07/2021 02:51

I agree with the others that it's hard to advise without knowing the details of the flat. Can you afford to pay the rent by yourself?

I think you need to take him out of the equation and decide what is best for you. He isn't your problem at all.

category12 · 04/07/2021 02:54

You'd be bloody daft to move out of the house yet still pay half the rent.

If you leave, you need to take yourself off the tenancy. (If you can't, you need to give notice.)

He needs to get a bedsit or house share, not get to stay in the property at your expense.

Moving two hours away even to a free flat doesn't sound very practical, especially if it's away from friends/support/work. And how is he intending to have contact with his child if you moved that far and he's skint?

If he won't move out, give notice on the place and rent somewhere else on your own.

Micemakingclothes · 04/07/2021 02:55

I’d get rid of him as fast as possible. He has a moral obligation to provide for his child. He should be subsidizing maternity leave so that the two of you have the same financial cost instead of all of it falling to you. I have zero respect for a man who does otherwise. If he stays, you are going to end up subsidizing him. He will essentially be stealing from you and your child.

SD1978 · 04/07/2021 03:06

If you're both on the lease you are jointly responsible. If he won't move out, and won't pay the rent, then you are liable for it, regardless. You need to either break the lease if your'e both on it, or have him removed if it's only in your name. If you moved out as he wants, you'd still have to pay if you're on the lease and I doubt he can cover it all by the sounds of things.

Classicbrunette · 04/07/2021 03:11

I would absolutely engineer things to YOUR advantage as o8T8o says. you don’t need this man child op, he’s bringing you down.

Rainbowqueeen · 04/07/2021 04:05

Kick him out. You don’t want to move, your job and friends are nearby, you can afford the rent.
Transfer the tenancy to your sole name and focus on you and the baby. His financial position is his concern. Block all his family. They just want you to deal with him so they don’t have to. Fuck that

GeorgiaGirl52 · 04/07/2021 04:15

When he leaves he will likely stop paying on the debt so he will have at least 500 a month. He can get a room and a job. If you move to the free flat DO NOT pay for anything for him and DO NOT let him move back in with you. You already have one dependent child - you don't need two!

Billybagpuss · 04/07/2021 05:32

That seems a very high loan repayment did he take out a large amount over a relatively short period? And how much was for the nursery deposit. To have a repayment of £500pm the loan amount would be £6k over 1 year excluding interest calculations, or a larger amount over longer Even private school deposits aren’t that much. What has he done with the rest of the money.

THisbackwithavengeance · 04/07/2021 05:41

OP - You wrote that apart from rent, food and bills, he refused to pay anything else for the baby.

Which I thought was a somewhat harsh sentiment given that food, rent and bills pretty much include everything.

I read your OP and thought I would actually like to hear this man's side of the story before I make any judgement.

However, legally if his name is on the tenancy agreement, you can't just kick him out to live on the street. If I were him, I wouldnt leave either.

You need to discuss how to split up so neither of you is homeless.

willowmelangell · 04/07/2021 06:34

Can he get a 2nd job? Overtime?

Hothammock · 04/07/2021 06:42

I think you need to have an honest think about whether this man is your baby or whether he is diverting your energy and resources away from your real baby.
This man will not change while he is with you. It is pretty outrageous that his relatives are pressuring you to take care of him.

Standrewsschool · 04/07/2021 06:46

There is no future in this relationship. Break free.

£500 a month loan? Over a year, thats £6000. Why such a big loan?

Is he working?

I’m a bit confused by your maternity leave - you say work paid you but you have saved some. Are you taking a year off?

As a short term option, move to the flat and cut loose your dead beat partner. Do not pay his rent. He has to stand on his own two feet. If his mum is so concerned, she can pay!

Original poster

hert2020 · 04/07/2021 06:56

Thank you so much to everyone that has taken the time to reply. It has really given me some perspective and there is lots of great advice. For those asking, we're on a joint tenancy agreement.

OP posts:

Mintjulia · 04/07/2021 07:35

OP, How long are you planning to pay his rent for? A week? a month? 10 years? No of course not.

You ask him to leave now. He's a free loader and has realised you are a soft touch. You are going to be a single parent and you need your support network nearby so don't move.

He is a grown man and perfectly capable of finding somewhere to live. Give him a deadline. Do not pay him a penny.

Magenta82 · 04/07/2021 07:43

@THisbackwithavengeance

OP - You wrote that apart from rent, food and bills, he refused to pay anything else for the baby.

Which I thought was a somewhat harsh sentiment given that food, rent and bills pretty much include everything.

I read your OP and thought I would actually like to hear this man's side of the story before I make any judgement.

However, legally if his name is on the tenancy agreement, you can't just kick him out to live on the street. If I were him, I wouldnt leave either.

You need to discuss how to split up so neither of you is homeless.

What about clothes, nappies, prams, car seats, cots, childcare, etc? Babies are expensive, sounds like the OP has incured all the additional costs and he is just paying what he always was.

WildfirePonie · 04/07/2021 08:13

Kick him out!!!!!!!!!!!

Notmoresugar · 04/07/2021 08:52

How long is the joint tenancy agreement for (when does it end)?

ChampagneWorries · 04/07/2021 09:11

If it’s a joint tenancy then you can’t kick him out. You either move out and remove yourself from the tenancy, or you stay living with him

o8T8o · 04/07/2021 11:36

I would remove myself from the house tenancy and quietly disappear to the free flat, then he's not your problem. I think the most important thing is to make sure that this man never becomes your problem.

user1471538283 · 04/07/2021 12:03

Wait until the tenancy ends and move to the flat. Or get your name off the tenancy and go.

Him having no money or nowhere to go is not your concern. He can go to his mothers.

You have one child to support. You do not support him .

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