He’s gone silent? Red flag?

[ThoseJeansAte]

Seeing someone just under a year. We had a disagreement last night on the phone. We had both had drinks and we didn’t say anything awful but it was upsetting. We decided to get some sleep and said bye - not broken up or anything. I called back five minutes later as I couldn’t sleep and was feeling upset. When he answered it was clear he had been crying. I felt awful. We chatted for another hour and resolved things. Said we missed each other and looking forward to Sunday/tomorrow as we have plans together.

I’ve not heard from him all day and he said he was working tonight (catching up on admin at home, not in an office). This is common with him in busy patches so I didn’t think anything of it. Said he’d cancelled seeing a friend for the football because he had so much to do. I’ve not seen him either this week due to his work pattern.

Anyway. Usually he’d be in contact by now. Especially day before we meet to confirm and just catch up about plans. I just went to message him and it shows last online at half 5... so right before the football. Maybe he’s gone out and not said? I know I could message him but it was me who called back last night and he knows I leave him to it when he’s working, so he gets in touch when he has time. It’s unusual to get to 8pm and hear nothing.

I’m upset as I feel like he’s being deliberately silent after the disagreement, even though I was sure it was resolved last night on the phone.

Not sure what I’m asking really, just confused and feel like I don’t trust him now...not felt like that before

He's probably been multi tasking while he's been watching football or chatting about it with mates when it ended 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think you've both been rattled by your disagreement last night, the tonic you both needed was to see each other in person and have a lovely day together.

But now you've cancelled...perhaps you enjoy feeding the drama and overthinking? Feeding the drama like this ends relationships!

We have spoken and it’s fine now. I just stress so much. He’s not the best at being reassuring, he calls himself a bit of a loner so often I feel like he’s not bothered, then other days I feel he is.

Drama over absolutely nowt. Calm down and go to bed.

It seems quite dramatic and all over the place.

Is that normal or is it just because you had a bit of a row yesterday?

@ThoseJeansAte you're not shit at relationships, it just sounds like you might have an insecure attachment style - I recognise it because I'm similar. Having a disagreement with him has activated your attachment system and you're now feeling insecure and seeking reassurance. Perhaps his response to feeling insecure is to withdraw, which in turn triggers yours again. He may be more avoidant than secure. If you can maintain the lines of communication and talk about it then that's the best way to overcome this. And I highly recommend doing that via phone calls and not messages!

I'd recommend the book Attached by Levine and Heller. I hope today is easier, but you do need to both talk about how you've felt and work out what to do differently next time. Your feelings are valid, never think they aren't.

I went through similar in the army days with my dp. He's eminently practical and not always one to spot when he's being a bit obtuse. I worried like you but it settles down eventually - good luck

Early

Can’t believe that rather than text or call him you were seriously thinking of just ending it, after a year together. Then he gets in touch but you over analyse his texts and feel like he’s still being off, so then you send him a text saying ‘ let’s leave tomorrow’.Then you talk and it’s all good.
Is your relationship often like this? It sounds like a shit load of drama and utterly exhausting

Be very careful. He is playing mind games. Don't get involved with this man.