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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Sexless Marriage

51 replies

vanilla25 · 02/07/2021 22:53

Hi everyone, I am a 43 year old woman with a young son and married to a wonderfully loving, devoted kind man. He is perfect in every which way except I have been in a sexless marriage for 10 years. It didn't happen after a child . He was always this way. When we were dating he went through a long bout of viral illness and I put low libido down to it. We got married within the first year of meeting. On our honeymoon he basically never initiated anything and I remember the rejection stung . Intimacy was there (platonic kisses, hugs, cuddles) and still is but in my memory he has initiated sex maybe 5 times. The first 3 years I tried everything - i mean everything. He would agree, acknowledge and then fall back in the same pattern. Basically in 10 years I've had sex once or twice (if I am lucky) in 6 months and havent had any since 3 years.

He is physiologically/biologically just fine - no issues. We even met a therapist and he only agreed because time had come to have a child ! Again we fell back into the old pattern. The sense of inadequacy, rejection, the craving for someone to be with sexually is intense! I look after myself , am tall , slim ..most people like my face and very particular about hygiene and grooming. Any ways, I have tried everything and don't know what to do. Its so bad that I want to actively look outside marriage. I even discussed with him - all he said was "If it makes you happy then you can go ahead'. Like I desperately wanted him to say "We will work on it...."! I feel really sad and depressed and it really effects all areas of my life now. I love him and our little world but feel desperately sad and stuck because this is also my language of love and desire :(. I have concluded he might be 'asexual' and has finally last month reluctantly agreed he may be but not sure . He is not gay that I am sure of and I have asked him many times. Any bright ideas.

OP posts:
Sillawithans · 03/07/2021 01:04

Leave!!!!!

PixieAndTheToad · 03/07/2021 07:36

I'm so sorry this is happening to you, sexual rejection can be such a deeply painful thing.
I think you need to make it very clear to your DH what emotional pain this rejection is causing you. You have said he is a kind and loving man, so he should be able to understand that this is something he needs to do for you, so you will feel loved. If that is made clear to him and he still won't engage in it, then the sexual element of the relationship isn't the problem, but rather his commitment as a husband.

My husband has a lower sex drive then I do, so the begining of the marriage was filled with a lot of sexual rejection, its a pain that deeply damages your self esteem. We are now at a place where we have sex more, usually initiated by him. Often as an act of love, not an expression of his own sexual desire.
If your husband isn't committed to ensuring you are feeling loved and cherished in your marriage, then that is your real problem.
I hope things get better and you find a way to work through this issue together Flowers

Melitza · 03/07/2021 07:40

Take him at his word OP and explore a sexual relationship elsewhere if that's what you want.
Just be mindful that you will probably end up separating.

Personally I couldn't beg for sex and I wouldn't stay in a relationship where sex didn't happen.

vanilla25 · 03/07/2021 08:24

@Sillawithans - I have thought about it but we have a little boy together .. 😢
@PixieAndTheToad - I have tried explaining to him in every which way - how deeply it effects me. He knows it .. but for some reason doesn’t want to fully explore, engage , take initiative of going to a therapist or even a urologist 🤷🏽‍♀️ Everything else he is highly committed to - his son, providing for us, his gym , like when he gets into something he goes all in . Except this. Otherwise a loving man, this aspect is a no go. I was so desperate last year that I joined a website and then backed off because I felt ashamed . I told him too and all he said was “be careful what kind of men you meet “! He sees me sulking many times fully aware of the reason and then goes on to say “learn to be happy people have it worse “ ☹️ I have reached the point where I am falling out of love .. holding on to it because of my son. I am constantly astounded at how little he cares about this .
@Melitza - don’t know where to start lol! Something always holds me back ..

OP posts:
Sillawithans · 03/07/2021 08:38

You haven't had sex for 3 years and he's telling you it's ok for you to meet other men!
He's not interested op, he's basically telling you this.

LanesdownGutted · 03/07/2021 08:49

I'm just coming out of a similar relationship but the roles were reversed. Like you with your husband, my husband was fully aware of my low sex drive at the very start. You knew what you were signing up for so to speak. So like my ex, you are changing the goal posts after many many years.

Because its now become a deal breaker for you, your husband is supposed to change who he is, who he's always been, who you know he's always been?

It's time to go your seperate ways, whilst you're still friends and find what makes you both happy. Co parent as mates is so much better than resentment, lying and anything else to follow. Don't cheat on him, or if you do please don't lie about it. In the end, it's the lying that hurts the most.

I hope you find what you're looking for and get to be really happy.

PixieAndTheToad · 03/07/2021 08:49

Are you seeing a therapist yourself? A trained professional would be better suited to help with this issue.
Personally I don't think seeking sex elsewhere would help as you would still be experiencing the same rejection within your marriage.
It isn't fair for him to ask you to learn to be happy with it. Ensuring you are sexually satisfied is one of his duties as a husband and frankly he shouldn't have committed to marriage if he is totally unwilling to even try and fulfill this commitment. Not that this helps you now.
You need to have a long think about whether this is something you can live. If not (and if all paths to get him to take responsibility for his duties in the marriage have been exhausted) then you should leave.
Seeking sex elsewhere won't stop the rejection even if it satisfise desire. And if you build something deeper with another man while remaining with your husband then that wouldn't be fair to either of them.

I know its complicated with a child involved, but if you get along otherwise you could have a relatively peaceful divorce and co-parent well. I don't think you'll be doing your son any favours remaining in an unhappy marriage, and seeking sex elsewhere. It won't set a good example for him to follow.

PrincessNymeria · 03/07/2021 08:53

I don't think it's right to push him into sex he doesn't want. And I think if you try to get your kicks somewhere else, you'll get emotionally attached and end up leaving him for your lover.

I think you sound incompatible, and he'd be better suited to someone with no or a very very low sex drive, and you with someone with a regular sex drive.

I think you need to decide if you're happy, and can live with the lack of sex. If not, you know what you need to do.

PrincessNymeria · 03/07/2021 09:02

Also op I hate to raise this, but is there any chance he's having an affair himself?

I have a relative that was despairing that her dh didn't want sex, she also tried everything but nothing worked. She too thought he was asexual, or wondered if he was gay. It turned out he just didn't want sex with her, was happy for her to look after their son, and keep house etc, but was having it off with a woman at work. This didn't become apart until his wife left him, and he immediately started dating (and is now married too, with more kids) this close work "friend". The one his wife was a little bit worried about at the start, but that he kept insisting was just a good friend.

vanilla25 · 03/07/2021 09:02

@LanesdownGutted - I never knew he had a virtually zero sex drive (as I mentioned we met when he was coming out of an illness and I put it down to it). So there were no goal posts established by him and agreed . The expectation was a normal healthy sexual relationship. I have understood nothing will change him. No I don’t intend to cheat else I wouldn’t have told him. He has in no uncertain terms told I can be with other people . 🤷🏽‍♀️I only intend to go in that direction if and when I file for separation. That filing for separation is the big question because of my son and not wanting to break the family. We don’t fight and generally in a very loving , platonic relationship and our son only sees that .

OP posts:
PrincessNymeria · 03/07/2021 09:02

*become aparent

Anothernick · 03/07/2021 09:07

It's the fact that he doesn't care about your needs that is the worst aspect of your situation. He does not understand that sex is fundamental to a relationship and both partners should at least try to understand the other's needs even if they can't always meet them. If he has always been like this and it has been going on for many years now it's hard to imagine that he will change. You have some difficult decsisons to make, perhaps you should.start by telling him it's a deal breaker and unless he acts you are going to leave. That just might spur him into doing something.

Mischance · 03/07/2021 09:09

Ensuring you are sexually satisfied is one of his duties as a husband..........and does that work the other way round?

My late OH was a total sex pest due to a progressive neuro-degenerative disorder - he could not help it obviously, but I felt as though I was under siege. The scenario described by the OP sounds just great!

It really is a very personal matter and the solution will vary from person to person.

Audo · 03/07/2021 09:10

A companionate marriage can be a happy marriage.

LanesdownGutted · 03/07/2021 09:10

@vanilla25 my misunderstanding of your situation at the start of your relationship then I apologise. But as mentioned am in exactly the same position in reverse with 2 young DC but going our separate ways feels like the right thing to do, it also takes the dark "sex" cloud, that's been hovering over you for years off both your shoulders.

Honest OP, if it's no longer manageable for being in a sexless marriage go find your happy and let DH find his. He's not going to change and it'll get worse for you.

Good luck

Tiw8 · 03/07/2021 09:11

It won’t get better after this amount of time so you have three choices.

Stay and carry on as you are
Leave and be free to start again
Stay and take up his approval of sex on the side.

You have to be the one to drive it though as I don’t think he will by the sounds of it.

vanilla25 · 03/07/2021 09:11

@PixieAndTheToad - thank you ! You are right. I need a counsellor or something. It’s such a taboo subject that I can’t discuss with any of my friends or family. I don’t want to as I want keep his dignity. He is a lovely man otherwise . Counselling just for myself may help. I have encouraged him for both of us but he is not keen at all .

I can’t be in a sexless marriage . And you would understand it’s not just the act but a way to feel cherished and desired . It’s my language of love and I wilt inside everyday . I am tempted to find someone but attach a certain sanctity to marriage (conservative family background ) hence holding myself back .. but don’t intend till we reach some understanding /seperation. Thank you !

OP posts:
BirdsandBeesmakinghay · 03/07/2021 09:11

I think you have no option but to leave. Having affairs will not make you happy.

vanilla25 · 03/07/2021 09:17

@PrincessNymeria thank you ! No can’t live without it .. to me it’s like living without love ! I have thought about whether he is having an affair but he can’t be. I have his phone . There is no women in his work place , I have access to all his phones. He has been working from home since over an year and home whole day ! Sexual relationship outside marriage wouldn’t inspire him at all . I will still check.😊

OP posts:
vanilla25 · 03/07/2021 09:35

@Anothernick Thank you! He doesn’t want to meet halfway .. and if it doesn’t come naturally to him ..🤷🏽‍♀️ I have told him I can’t live like this .. he has begged me to stay and asked me be with anyone (the irony is I want it from him not another man !!) ... to not break the marriage because of our son and he loves me . He promises every time he will work on it .. but after all the talk/drama everything is forgotten and it repeats again . He is not into it and I need take some tough decisions ☹️

OP posts:
Butterfly44 · 03/07/2021 09:35

You can still parent your child and be separated. Yes change is scary, but once done you'll be much happier and can move forward with life.

DomPom47 · 03/07/2021 09:38

If he is asexual I don’t think you can blame him. If he has given you his blessing to seek this physical intimacy elsewhere I would sit him down and have a very open discussion with him to make sure he understands and think about what possible repercussions might be if he is okay with it and you do love him bar this one thing go for it. If you think you cannot do this then divorce him and look for love and sex elsewhere.

TedMullins · 03/07/2021 09:46

It’s not his “duty”. If he doesn’t have a sex drive he can’t be forced to have one. But clearly you do have one and you shouldn’t be forced to live like this. I struggle to understand how you’ve been in this relationship for a decade though as it clearly became apparent much earlier that he had no interest in sex

vanilla25 · 03/07/2021 10:15

@DomPom47 I don’t blame him anymore . The asexual thing I figured out and he was in constant denial. I will have that chat. Thank you .

@TedMullins even I wonder ! I’ve been in it for a decade because I thought and hoped it will change , because I have a son , because I couldn’t imagine breaking it up (lots of reasons for the last bit- family background , societal repercussions etc ). Thank you for writing ...

OP posts:
Astressedmumoftwo · 03/07/2021 10:18

Could he be asexual?