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Original poster

First holiday with DP

29 replies

Ruby0707 · 02/07/2021 08:24

We've been together 18 months. Just got back from a week's staycation.

I was a little bored, couldn't wait to get back to normality and we ran out of things to talk about.

This isn't a good sign is it? Are we doomed?

OP posts:
hulahoopqueen · 02/07/2021 08:27

I wouldn't necessarily write it off based on running out of things to talk about. Where did you go, and what did you do while there?
Personally, if I went away with DP for a week to a cottage in the middle of nowhere, I'd be climbing the walls by about day 4.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep · 02/07/2021 08:28

Was it a 'staycation' at home or just a holiday in the U.K.?
Where did you go?

Original poster
Ruby0707 · 02/07/2021 08:37

Holiday in the UK. Cottage in the middle of nowhere. Had a couple of activities booked which were fun but other than that, I was bored.

I just imagined it being very romantic, the two of us together, uninterrupted.

That was not the case, I'm questioning our compatibility.

OP posts:
ThatOtherPoster · 02/07/2021 08:39

I love my DH but I’d get bored in a remote cottage with him for a week.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep · 02/07/2021 08:40

I don't think there are many couples who wouldn't get bored after a few days in a cottage in the middle of nowhere together!
I'd limit that to 48 hours maximum myself. Longest I've spent away with DP was 2 days and that was in London with plenty to do!

Sakurami · 02/07/2021 08:44

I remember being bored with my ex husband because he just isn't very interesting to talk to. I'm chatty and sociable so conversing is never usually an issue. Just found his beliefs usually very different to mine.

With my current boyfriend, we've only been away for one night at a time but we have spent a couple of weeks together and we always have fun and lots to talk about - everything from politics, to cooking to children to our past. We also play board games and plan what we want to do, where we're going to go.

There was a time when I felt we were watching too much tv and I didn't want to end up being a couple who sat next to each other watching TV. So now, we often just chat for a few hours after dinner rather than watch TV.

So it is a mix of proactively looking for things to do together and it naturally happening.

Original poster
Ruby0707 · 02/07/2021 08:48

Wow ok, you're comments are reassuring. Maybe the choice of holiday wasn't the right one.

I'm not a very chatty person either to be honest so I had nothing after a couple of days!

I feel like it should just flow and feel easy though if it's the right person.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ruby0707 · 02/07/2021 08:49

@Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep

I don't think there are many couples who wouldn't get bored after a few days in a cottage in the middle of nowhere together! I'd limit that to 48 hours maximum myself. Longest I've spent away with DP was 2 days and that was in London with plenty to do!
How long have you been together if you don't mind me asking?
OP posts:
Musicaltheatremum · 02/07/2021 08:49

Been with my now fiancé 3 years nearly. Just had a holiday in a very remote place. We had lots of quiet times when we read and watched the scenery. Spoke at other times both very comfortable...but I do remember our first holiday doing this after 4 months and I thought he was bored...it's just he likes peace and quiet. Don't give up yet

Maggiesfarm · 02/07/2021 08:53

@Ruby0707

We've been together 18 months. Just got back from a week's staycation.

I was a little bored, couldn't wait to get back to normality and we ran out of things to talk about.

This isn't a good sign is it? Are we doomed?

No, not necessarily. If you get on well usually it would be a shame to end the relationship because of a dull holiday. Holidays are often difficult and many people don't particularly enjoy them for all sorts of reasons.

Just enjoy the relationship for what it is and don't go away with him again in the near future unless it is an overnight stay or maybe a weekend.

If you continue to feel concerned about this, keep your options open. There are more fish in the sea.

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/07/2021 08:56

Can’t think of anything better than a week in a remote cottage with DH. He’s my favourite company, when we’ve done it we’ve cooked, chatted, had a lot of sex, read our books, watched tv and sat in companionable silence.

But not everyone holidays well together. I know several couples who only holiday apart as they have different interests or end up rowing with too much time together.

LindaEllen · 02/07/2021 09:06

I think it gets easier as you've been together longer, because a) you know what you both want from holidays and b) there's no expectation of what this amazing holiday is going to be like.

Me and DP were stuck at home with just each other for a huge portion of last year thanks to obvious reasons, and although we love each other's company we were also complaining about being bored a lot. I think if that had happened sooner in our relationship I'd have worried, because how could we be bored if we were right for each other? But it doesn't work like that.

If things are good normally, I'd say stick with it and see where it goes :).

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep · 02/07/2021 09:11

@Ruby0707

Wow ok, you're comments are reassuring. Maybe the choice of holiday wasn't the right one.

I'm not a very chatty person either to be honest so I had nothing after a couple of days!

I feel like it should just flow and feel easy though if it's the right person.

That's a personality issue though I think. I'm just not an endlessly chatty person and will never be able to chat for days to one person. Personality has a lot to do with how we function in relationships. Don't hold yourself to other peoples standards!
milkytwilight · 02/07/2021 09:13

Not many couples can sit in a remote cottage for a week together and be full of conversation all the time. In my opinion the true test would he whether those silences were comfortable or uncomfortable. My partner and I can sit together in silence, just relaxing or reading or doing our own thing and it isn't awkward. If it feels an uncomfortable silence that's probably more of an issue.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep · 02/07/2021 09:13

2 years and 9 months but 6 months of that was apart due to covid and the last year has been limited for obvious reasons!

Original poster
Ruby0707 · 02/07/2021 09:14

I have had these concerns before, whether we are "right for each other" but what does that even mean? How does one know if someone is right for them?

I think this holiday has just brought up those feelings again.

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MuckyPlucky · 02/07/2021 09:25

The first few long weekends away that DP and I had were a bit like this too. I think on reflection it’s because I’d built the fantasy up too much in advance… in my mind they were going to be romantic breaks with constant sex, croissants in bed, interesting deep-and-meaningfuls, fun etc. My DP isn’t really like that though and doesn’t change the way he is just because we’re on holiday. This led to a deflated feeling on my part.

We had a chat about it, and discussed my expectations and his, and I can see that me pinning all my romantic hopes on 3 eagerly-anticipated days away together was always going to result in a feeling of ‘pressure’ on both sides.

Prior to going away last month for 5 days for my birthday, we discussed expectations and agreed to make it low-key and not become too invested in trying to have the ‘perfect’ time. This worked an absolute DREAM! As a result of our conversation my DP clearly felt less pressured to meet my high expectations and as a result he was truly relaxed for the first time in 18months. We had THE BEST time together ever: loads of sex, lounging around in the sun, croissants in bed, day trips, physical activities together, sunbathing, cooking, and companiable silences where we just watched the wildlife. This was because neither of us were stressed and hadn’t built it up too much.

In future, this will be the way I’ll approach hols together: low expectations then being pleasantly surprised!

maresedotes · 02/07/2021 09:43

It doesn't sound great if you were bored. Do you make each other laugh and did you have comfortable silences?

Amdone123 · 02/07/2021 09:59

On first reading your post and the replies, I was going to stay don't end it because of the holiday, but I think your gut / heart is telling you something else?

Flatwhitewhiner · 02/07/2021 14:21

@Ruby0707 would it help if you described your partner to us… what’s he like outside of this disappointing holiday?

Paq · 02/07/2021 14:25

Sorry, I'd say it was doomed, especially if you had concerns at the beginning and if it's only been 18 months.

litterbird · 02/07/2021 14:28

I would get bored in a remote cottage too, I am outgoing and want things to do. I would be climbing the walls after day 3. Don’t give up but I think there are some other underlying issues too?

Metallicalover · 02/07/2021 14:32

Did yous do anything while you were there? Walking? Out for meals etc?
If we were just in the cottage all the time we both would be bored! If we went out and about, had lunch, picnic, see some local sights etc thats fine! We have comfortable silences and also have a good natter. I can't say we've ever run out of anything to say awkwardly. Sometimes we're just comfortable with each other's company x

B00k0ftheday5 · 02/07/2021 14:55

If you were bored, I would say that this person is not for you

I've had a few holidays this year & we are never bored together

Original poster
Ruby0707 · 03/07/2021 11:59

We did do some activities which were fun. Had a day in the city where we went for a nice meal and had plenty to talk about. There were just some other times when we were out walking for example, it just felt strained. The silences feel comfortable when in at the cottage but not so much when out.

He said he had a lovely time and enjoyed hanging out with me so maybe I'm just overthinking. I don't know, it's very confusing!

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