DDs relationship - really don't know how to handle this

[spottydog16]

I've nced for this.

I've been with DP for 4 years, he has a 15yearold son and I have a 14 year old DD.
When they met they were 10 and 11. He stays with us EOW and sometimes more in the holidays. They have always been close and me and him get on as he's very respectful and well behaved. I also get on with his mum.

Today, his mum messaged me saying that when she picked up her son from school, she saw him kiss DD on the cheek and that she spoke to him but he said it was a ‘joke’. I checked DDs phone anyway (as I do regularly) and there's a lot of hearts between them and them saying they love each other and this weekend he's meant to come here and they have planned to watch films together. I haven't spoken to DD yet or DP as he's working away.

I just don't know how to handle this!

Just googled this because I thought that these type of relationships (between step-siblings) would be illegal but it isn’t necessarily so, although the law surrounding it looks quite complicated. If you and the boys dad aren’t married they are not technically step-siblings anyway, although I appreciate that this doesn’t help with the situation at present. Although you cannot force them apart I would voice your disproval and explain all the pitfalls that she may not envisage.

Although, DD and stepson were watching a film in his room and DP told DD to go back to her room (which they weren't happy about!) and when I asked him why (not in front of them) he told me he doesn't want them in each others rooms at night (he was fine with them being in each others earlier though). I don't agree with him on that but I haven't said that in front of them obviously.

TBH, I'm see what your DP is saying. If you wouldn't let him be in his room on his own with a different girlfriend, the same should apply here. They can watch films in the living room.

*I, not I'm 🤦

I think your DP is trying to set the right boundaries. If that is another boy from school, you would not allow him to be in your DD's room at night watching movies. In a way, if they want a normal relationship, they shoud also accept the rules that would apply if they are not living in the same house.

The four of you need to have a family meeting.
Decide what the problems are first and then come up with solutions that are acceptable to all of you.
This will stop you and your partner making up rules on the spot i.e you can be in each other’s rooms in the day but not at night. This will make them resentful and possibly push them into lying and being devious.
You all need to be on the same page with this.
Keep having the meetings weekly, fortnightly, monthly whatever works for you so there isn’t an atmosphere in the house and everything is out in the open.

What a minefield OP.

Is there such a thing as counsellors that speak to parents not to the children - but it’s about the children??

At the end of the day keep a good relationship with your daughter. That’s what survives...

If they are in a relationship, they shouldn't be allowed in each others rooms, just as if he didn't stay there sometimes. I definitely wouldn't allow it.

@tansin0

If they are in a relationship, they shouldn't be allowed in each others rooms, just as if he didn't stay there sometimes. I definitely wouldn't allow it.

Asked before , how would you stop two teenagers?

@tansin0

If they are in a relationship, they shouldn't be allowed in each others rooms, just as if he didn't stay there sometimes. I definitely wouldn't allow it.

Just wondering if you had any actual constructive advice or were you planning on just repeating 'the law according to tansin0'?

It's really not helpful so what's the point

We spoke to them both together yesterday, We all agreed on some rules, thanks for you replies everyone.

@spottydog16

We spoke to them both together yesterday, We all agreed on some rules, thanks for you replies everyone.

All the best op, hope it all goes well