Does he dislike my body

[wildcoastalflower]

My boyfriend of a year shows that he is very much in love with me . I am in no doubt about that . We enjoy each other's company so much . So much respect and love shown BUT I do wonder if he doesn't like my body .
He is physically and sexually very attentive but he's never placed his hands on my very wobbly belly !
We're together a year . He puts his arms around me all the time and we cuddle to sleep when together but around my hips or shoulders or upper chest . He holds and strokes my bum and hips and boobs and every other part of me but not my belly .
I won't ask as he is unfilteredly honest so I guess I do not want to hear the truth if it is that he finds that repulsive . Thoughts ? Is this me being conscious and paranoid ? I am a proportioned size 14 with a pregnancies hangover . I am 48 . He also has a belly that I love rubbing and cuddling .

It may not be his favourite bit of you, or it may be that he's picked up that you're self-conscious about it and doesn't want to make you feel uncomfortable. From what you've written, he clearly fancies you, so YABU to worry about this. My weight has gone up and down in the ten years with DH and I have noticed that he focuses on different bits of me when I am different weights. He clearly doesn't find any parts of me repulsive.

Does he know you’re self conscious about it? Possible he’s thinking you'd prefer he left it alone if so. For the brief period in lockdown when DP developed a bit of a belly which I knew he didn’t like, I didn’t really touch it because he didn’t like attention being drawn to it. When he started back at the gym and it disappeared, I started touching his front more.

Have you ever made negative comments about your belly? If he thinks you’re self conscious about it maybe he’s trying to be sensitive to that.

If you love it and only feel positive about it and speak positively about your whole body then I don’t know.

Thanks for your replies . He knows I'm self conscious yes but he also knows that I am accepting of myself . I'm quite confident overall but the belly is big and wobbly . I think there's something lovely about cuddling a squishy belly( his) but clearly he doesn't ( mine) !

If you don’t want to ask him I’d focus on appreciating his appreciation of all the other gorgeous parts of you

It can be hard to get it right though, my DH touches mine and I don't like it. I hate my stomach so much I cringe a bit inside whenever he touches it. Your partner might just think you don't want him to.

I really don’t think it’s anything to worry about. I’m a size 10 but have love handles which for some reason my do always loves to hold onto when we’re just having a cuddle watching tv. They’re the bit about my body that I’m most self conscious of and is much prefer he just ignored them.

You need to talk to him about it. We're only guessing, you won't really find the true answer until you ask him

Should I ask him though ? I know he'll be totally honest and what if he says that he hates wobbly belly's but loves me. Where to then ?

Is it over of he says this ?? I could never not get over that

Honestly?
I have yet to meet a decent man that hates any part of his partners body.
I really doubt that he hates it.

Maybe no hate it but he certainly has never touched it

Perhaps he isn't sure whether to?
A friend of mine was telling her partner off a while back for touching her stomach, and angry that he wanted to.
Then when he said "well, it's not my favourite part of you" she got even more angry.
So possibly he isnt sure how the land lies, so to speak.

I think he sounds lovely and you may be overthinking. I wouldn’t ask I would just lest it lie, accept he adores you and move on.

@wildcoastalflower

Is it over of he says this ?? I could never not get over that

Only you’d know that. If you usually like his honesty then you have to accept it won’t always be what’s most comfortable to hear.

I guess if you ask a question you need to be prepared for the answer.

Would it be a deal breaker for you if he didn’t love one bit of you but adored the rest? It wouldn’t make him a bad person, or you unattractive.

Stop looking to create issues is my advice

DP stopped touching my belly after I said once that I thought it was a bit wobbly and big. Not because he didn't like it, but because he didn't want me to feel self-conscious about it, and thought that touching it would make me feel that way.

Perhaps your DP thinks the same way.

If it would be a dealbreaker to hear that your flabby belly isn’t his favourite part of you then don’t ask. It’s setting him up to fail, really, if you know you won’t be happy with anything but a very narrow answer. He seems to really like the vast majority of your body and shows you that he does. He pays less attention to one particular part of it which even you admit isn’t your best feature. He’s never been rude enough to say anything negative about it. There are times where it’s really best to look at all the good things rather than focus on any little less good thing.

It took me a long time to tolerate and eventually enjoy DH touching my belly and I didn't like it at all if any ex BFs did it. I was always too self conscious. Perhaps he's met his fair share of women like me and is trying to be polite!

I really don't think men pay as much attention to our self-styled 'bad' bits as we do.

DP apparently didn't think much about my belly one way or the other, prior to my mentioning it. He said his thought process, such as it was, was something like "Bum! Boobs! OMG sex with Shodan! Woohoo!"

We women can be far too critical of our perceived faults and fret too much about what men think of them when in reality, it's likely that the men haven't thought anything about them at all.

If it's going to bug you, I'd ask him. But also ask him to be kind with his truthfulness.

Perhaps he just doesn't "see" it. A male friend on being asked about a friend's belly button piercing seemed genuinely surprised it was there. When quizzed he said the stomach was just a hinterland between two more interesting features! Perhaps that how your partner feels? I don't think my DH spends much time touching my stomach but it's not an area I'm focused on either.

Maybe he finds your belly unattractive - is that really a dealbreaker? One guy I went out with had a funny shaped chest. I still thought him very attractive overall. I would never have mentioned it, but if he'd asked I would have answered truthfully. If he'd have finished with me as a consequence of that I would have thought him a loon and regarded myself as having dodged a bullet.

Don't ask.

@Shodan

DP stopped touching my belly after I said once that I thought it was a bit wobbly and big. Not because he didn't like it, but because he didn't want me to feel self-conscious about it, and thought that touching it would make me feel that way.

Perhaps your DP thinks the same way.

This is definitely possible. My DH knows I hate my tummy but he loves it, well he just Ioves the whole of me (he says, soppy sod) but won't touch my belly really as he knows it makes me feel uncomfortable

I once dated a guy who never touched my boobs. I have amazing boobs (the one part of me I like! ) There's no accounting for taste, I guess!

You are separating your belly off as THE part of you that you're not confident about, THE part that you're uncomfortable with. He probably senses that you've got special feelings about it, and instinctively avoids it. He might not even know he's doing it.

But if you're so insistent on treating your belly differently from the rest of you, don't be surprised if he does the same. He might just be being sensitive to your subtle body language.

If he doesn't like it, though, is that really the end of the relationship? Because if that's the case, there's more to worry about in this relationship than your belly.