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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Shitter of a day

57 replies

Rdaisyleo · 28/06/2021 12:54

The last 6 years me and my partner have been ttc, I was told I had unexplained infertility and this year we had ivf. The first transfer failed. We're about to do another. I'm feeling fed up with my partner. He smokes and smokes weed. When we started ivf I had to beg him to stop smoking incase we got tested and he did the last week before our appointment... he stopped weed whilst we had ivf. After the failed cycle he's smoking like a chimney and is back to smoking weed... about a week before we started ivf I found he had messaged girls on Snapchat and got pictures of them and even said he was single.... absolutely lost my shit, but then I thought but what happens if this is my only chance to have a baby... he told me the reason for this was that I was constantly nagging him to stop smoking etc (even though it was for OUR potential baby).... he's shit with his money and I don't know how... he gets about 1800 a month to 2000 after tax and I make 1400... I ALWAYS have a float in my bank and have on many occasions helped him. Last month our cat cost us 500 and I paid and said you owe me half and for the last month's food shop... 400 in total... not paid me, says he's skint and needs to do overtime... I had a bad night's sleep last night, was awake from 1 till 4. He was up for about an hour an half... this morning I've gone to work and HE has called in sick coz he's tired... he got me a card this morning for my birthday which he wrote this morning, nothing else.

Sorry for the rant and it probably won't make sense when people read. I'm pissed off. It's my birthday and he is off work coz he's tired... how can we have a baby and pay bills if a baby keeps him awake at night... he can't save for shit. I'm fed up with him I think but feel stuck

OP posts:
LalalalalalaLand123 · 28/06/2021 18:51

Please have enough respect for your potential future children to not purposely lumber them with this waste of space for a father. Your desires are not paramount - you should be prioritising the best interests of your future children over your own desires.

bigbaggyeyes · 28/06/2021 18:54

Go it alone op, get a donor and have kids alone.

Sunnyday321 · 28/06/2021 18:58

Wake up and see all the above comments, this man is not father material .

MrsKeats · 28/06/2021 18:58

The low standards that some women are prepared to accept really astounds me.

Sensateria · 28/06/2021 19:01

How old are you OP? Do you think you could cope alone, single, with a baby?

I’ll get flamed for this but fuck it.

I would stick it out while you’re having IVF, get your ‘ducks in a row’ with regards finances and practicalities, and as soon as there was a viable pregnancy I’d leave him and then pursue a claim via CMS for maintenance once the baby is born.

It doesn’t sound like he’s that interested in being a father so I doubt you’ll meet much resistance from him when it comes to contact with the child entirely on your terms, whatever they may be.

wisteriaandwhine · 28/06/2021 19:15

Babies need more than love to develop into mentally and physically healthy children and adults. They need a stable, healthy environment which this is not.

The child's needs come before yours and that starts with the decision to conceive and create another life. It's not about how much you want a baby.

"Other people abuse and neglect their children" is a horrific justification for knowingly bringing an innocent child into a damaging situation that will screw up their life chances. Surely you must know that.

I'm sorry you're so distressed, but inflicting suffering on an innocent life to make yourself feel better is wrong. I don't think you would have posted if you didn't know that, even if you were hoping nobody else would say it.

Tangledtresses · 28/06/2021 21:06

No just no he sounds dreadful, just don't try to have a baby with him. He clearly doesn't want to and is not interested... so why would you want to bring a child Into this situation?

Stop think and move on

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