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Original poster

Hiding phone notifications?

39 replies

Anon73745 · 27/06/2021 14:59

Hi all,

I’ve never posted anything like this before but I feel I have nowhere else to turn.

OH and I were chatting as normal last night and then a Snapchat notification sound came from his phone, his response to it was ‘oh for f sake’, I asked him if he had snapchat now, he said it was just apple news and hid his phone so he could ‘check’ and show me it was the news. I said that it sounded like snapchat, his phone sounded again with the snapchat tone and again he said ‘oh for f sake’. I asked him why he’s hiding that he’s got snapchat and he flipped and asked me why I don’t trust him and that it was just the news Confused

He held me close and asked me not to mention it anymore, I asked again if it was snapchat to which he said that if I’m gonna be like that then go home? I went home and he sent me a screenshot of the apps on his phone to prove he doesn’t have SC.

He now says he’s sorry and that he should’ve acted differently.

My heart aches, I’m not sure how to react to this as we’ve had similar issues before. We have 2 kids and are getting married soon.

Any advice is more than welcome as I’m just a confused mess at the moment.

Thank you.

OP posts:
Triphazards · 27/06/2021 15:04

Sounds like married life will be interesting.

SameToo · 27/06/2021 15:05

What do you mean by held you close? In a threatening way?

Weirdfan · 27/06/2021 15:05

What are the issues you've had before OP? If they're cheating/flirting related I would assume he's at it again, sorry Sad

spotcheck · 27/06/2021 15:13

He waited until you were home, and then showed you a screenshot of his apps?

PilatesPeach · 27/06/2021 15:17

Why are you going "home" when you have 2 kids with him? don't you all live together?

Longestfewdaysupcoming · 27/06/2021 15:19

Don’t marry him

Original poster
Anon73745 · 27/06/2021 15:37

Not threatening, he just held my arms

OP posts:
Original poster
Anon73745 · 27/06/2021 15:41

@Weirdfan

What are the issues you've had before OP? If they're cheating/flirting related I would assume he's at it again, sorry Sad
He was messaging his ex the first year of our relationship and was hiding his phone from me then. I still get anxious when he hides his phone Sad
OP posts:
Original poster
Anon73745 · 27/06/2021 15:42

@PilatesPeach

Why are you going "home" when you have 2 kids with him? don't you all live together?
We were at work at the time, I just finished my shift when he started
OP posts:
Original poster
Anon73745 · 27/06/2021 15:43

@spotcheck

He waited until you were home, and then showed you a screenshot of his apps?
Yeah I thought that was really odd, he could’ve shown me when I was with him? Just made it worse to be honest
OP posts:
optimistic40 · 27/06/2021 15:45

I'm sorry, it sounds like really odd behaviour. Perhaps he'd been flirting / chatting with someone, not necessarily an affair. But something sounds a bit "off" here Sad

toocold54 · 27/06/2021 15:45

It depends if you asked him like you were accusing him or just a general question.
If he though you were accusing him then I’d see why he’d get annoyed but if it was a general question then he’s definitely hiding something.

H8o8 · 27/06/2021 15:47

You clearly don't trust him. Why are you with him/ agreed to marry him?

PeridotPenelope · 27/06/2021 15:47

I’m sorry OP. Having learned from experience I would be postponing or cancelling the wedding now. 😞

pinkyredrose · 27/06/2021 15:49

Do you think he's using it to message people? Otherwise what's the problem him having it?

Geanna2 · 27/06/2021 15:52

Definitely postpone the wedding. If you can't trust him and he has form then the last thing you should do is marry.

Original poster
Anon73745 · 27/06/2021 15:55

@toocold54

It depends if you asked him like you were accusing him or just a general question. If he though you were accusing him then I’d see why he’d get annoyed but if it was a general question then he’s definitely hiding something.
I only asked him casually, I didn’t expect him to react like that, I wouldn’t have minded if he’d have just told me it was snapchat but now it’s messing with my head
OP posts:
Original poster
Anon73745 · 27/06/2021 15:56

@pinkyredrose

Do you think he's using it to message people? Otherwise what's the problem him having it?
It’s not a problem that he has it, it’s that he told me he doesn’t have it and that he’s acting defensive about it
OP posts:
TakeYourFinalPosition · 27/06/2021 15:58

Can you typically get access to his phone?

You'd be able to see whether he's ever downloaded Snapchat in his App history, but it wouldn't tell you when he'd downloaded it, or when he deleted it.

But to be honest, it sounds like there's more than this at play here. He's lied to you before and you don't trust him, and both of those are reasons that you should postpone the wedding at the very least.

toocold54 · 27/06/2021 15:58

Are you sure it was a Snapchat noise? Honestly if you wouldn’t mind him having it but he was still acting odd then I wouldn’t trust him.

CupOfTPlease · 27/06/2021 16:01

What's the reason you don't want him having Snapchat? Trust?

Tbh, it doesn't sound like you can trust him and although it will hurt you have to let him go.

You're worth more than what he is offering.

Original poster
Anon73745 · 27/06/2021 16:08

@TakeYourFinalPosition

Can you typically get access to his phone?

You'd be able to see whether he's ever downloaded Snapchat in his App history, but it wouldn't tell you when he'd downloaded it, or when he deleted it.

But to be honest, it sounds like there's more than this at play here. He's lied to you before and you don't trust him, and both of those are reasons that you should postpone the wedding at the very least.

No, he’s very protective over his phone, he’s always got it with him. But I wouldn’t want to look through his phone anyway. I just don’t know how I can get him to tell me the truth
OP posts:
Ingloriousbasterd · 27/06/2021 16:10

Why don't you just open Snapchat on your phone and see if his phone number comes up as a suggested friend?

Original poster
Anon73745 · 27/06/2021 16:14

Side note:

I love my partner and all I want is for us to be honest with each other. Because of issues in the past I do find it difficult to trust him sometimes, it’s something I’ve been working on but when things like this happen it just rings alarm bells.

I wasn’t accusing him of anything, I was only asking if it was snapchat, he got defensive and I’m just trying to get to the bottom of why. I wasn’t prying or asking who it was.

I do want to marry him, we’ve been through a lot together and I want us to get through any issues we come across. It’s just hard to talk to him sometimes.

OP posts:
TakeYourFinalPosition · 27/06/2021 16:21

It was clear that you'd like to stay with him... I don't think you'd have hung around, otherwise.

To be really honest with you, it sounds like he's very protective over his phone despite having a shady background with it, and you're probably not ever going to be fully comfortable that he's not hiding something on it.

That's either something you can live with; or something you can't. It wouldn't be for me.

Nobody here can tell you if it was Snapchat; but you seem sure that it was - and nobody can tell you why he'd be so defensive about it, if it was. I'd go out on a limb and say that I can't think of any good reasons that he would want to hide it from you... I presume he denied it to avoid follow up questions on who is he snapping.

The other possibility is that you question him a lot, and he's at the end of his tether with it all... but his behaviour after you went home suggests otherwise; and you'd be best placed to know that, anyway.

You can't get him to tell you the truth. You either have to trust that he is, or accept that he's not, and decide if this is a relationship that you want to be in if he won't.

I'm not one for LTB usually; relationships are complicated and everyone's wants/needs/acceptable compromises are different. This wouldn't be for me - it was revelationary for me when I started dating my husband, and could (and still can) trust him completely - but it might be for you. That's okay too. You just need to go into it with your eyes open, so you don't make yourself miserable for years.

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