@RillHunner
The question I should have asked is this:
“What is love and how do you know if you love someone & are in love? “
Like I said, different people will have different interpretations!
But as a rule of thumb, it helps to seperate "in love" from "loving someone". Generally people talk about being "in love" when they're wrapped up in the intoxication of the early romance. But, even then, you can only really be "in love" with someone if you know them fairly well. If you don't, its infatuation - because what you're "loving" is partly an illusion and an idealisation.
Loving someone is different - and can include platonic love. You love them and care about them because you've got to know them and likely bonded over things or been through challenges together. You respect them and care about them, partly (and this is where reciprocity comes in) because you get the sense they'd do the same for you. You've got their back and you know they'd do the same for you, if they had the chance. You "get" each other and feel immesley at ease with each other. Love should feel effortless - if its dramatic and painful, like something out of Wuthering Heights, then its either infatuation or a trauma bond.
To a certain extent, hormones make it difficult to just stop being "in love" with someone who doesn't reciprocrate or who is bad for us - but we can try our best to give our head a shake and not indulge a lost cause. Going no contact is the best way to break the spell - the hormones will die off eventually. Again, I speak from experience.
"Loving someone" could be seen as being fairly out of our hands too - but it feels less like an addiction, more a deep sense of comfort and calm, like a snuggly blanket. And it comes from knowing how much you value someone. Now, someone can be free to highly value someone who treats them like dirt or doesn't value them the same. However, I'd politely suggest that person may need therapy - why would you prioritise someone so lacking and not someone who values you back and gives you the same in return? Again, this isn't like kids or parents where kinship is involved.