What it says in the title really. And she's sent me various messages about how she thought we were friends and I've let her down and so on. I've apologized a multitude of times, but she first of all continued to send hurt messages and is now ignoring me.
The story is that I have cancer which will kill me in 18 months without treatment. I have two teenagers and a useless ex. I am having a massive surgery this week at a hospital that specializes in this kind of surgery. I had a similar although less major surgery a couple of years ago. Last time my friend came with me, stayed in accommodation paid for by a charity and then travelled back with me. On our way back she was dropped off at her place and I carried on to my home, about an hour and a half further down the road.
I should add that I don't have a partner. My husband left me a few years ago for an OW. For the last surgery my children stayed with him.
This time my friend has just started a new job and she said at the beginning that it would be very very difficult to come with me again. Which I completely understand. I started to make some arrangements with other friends about bringing me home at least.
She then decided that she would come. I talked her out of coming for the actual surgery because I'm concerned about her missing work, but I said I'd love her to come and see me for the weekend at the her hospital when she's not at work. In any event I'll be in ICU right after the surgery and won't be conscious.
However this time I'm unable to get any funded accommodation for a support person as the rules have changed. Last week my friend messaged me to say that it seems like there is a shortage of accommodation that is affordable for the weekend. I said that if that meant she couldn't come then I understood and maybe she could come and help me at home later on. She said she'd keep on looking and I've heard nothing.
In the meantime I've been approached by a newish friend whose mum lives in the city where my surgery is happening. She said that she'd love to come with me, has time off and can see and stay with her mum. It all seemed so easy. No work problems nor accommodation problems and so I agreed. A day later I told another friend that was my plan. The other friend said that she wanted to try and sort out some practical stuff for me and she was planning to organize a group chat, mainly for my workmates. So she set this up and mentioned my plan to travel down with the newish mum visiting friend.
Now my best friend has completely exploded on me with a series of messages. She was included in the group chat (a surprise to me as I thought this was going to workmates who are local to me) and is really hurt about receiving a generic message about local plans to help me, about my friends tone in the message and about the fact that the newish friend is coming with me.
Certainly I should have told her about the newish friend but in my defence I am Somewhat overwhelmed and I honestly thought that I was causing my best friend problems with taking time off work and money for accommodation. My newish friend is sorted with these things.
So I have tried to explain and I have apologised profusely but she won't have a bar of it. The more I try and explain, the more it sounds like an excuse. And now she is ignoring me.
I'm so upset. I didn't mean to hurt her and she means a lot to me. I'm only just about holding things together anyway and I can feel the cracks starting.
I'm not in the UK so there are no issues about people being on the hospital and visiting me.
I just don't know how to make things right in a way that doesn't come across as a load of excuses.