Am i really dilutional

[Sarnia1980x]

So guys wanted to speak to someone

Me and my husband of 6 years have a hot and cold relationship when we are good were really good but when its bad the arguments are often different. We cant agree and often avoid eachother

Yesterday he was with old mates that he used to hang around with and often got in trouble with.. So out of care i just said pls don't get into argument or some fight

Hes come back and said how im deluded, im fucked in the head, i need to stop over thinking, i cause problems and i feel so down hearing all this..

I mean did i really say something so bad am i that much of a horrible person who's brain is not functioning.

Just want someone to tell me as it is am i wrong or is he just doing this to mess my head

Do you mean are you delusional? Not sure what you are asking.

@Sandra15 by me asking him whilst his with his friends make me deluded.. I feel like its something i said out of care

So he's prone to violence, gets into fights when he goes out, and insults you when you raise concerns? What a peach. Are you in a position to leave OP? Because I would, without looking back.

Why did you tell him not to get into any fights/arguments?

In the past.. he hadn't met these same friends in years so i just said out of concern @DoubleHelix79

I said it because these same friends great friends as i still hear they act the same way they did from when he used to be close to them

Speaking to someone like that is absolutely not ok, regardless of the circumstances. Do you want to talk about us about your relationship? Mumsnet is good for writing things down and looking at them more objectively.

It's not ok for him to speak to you like that. Do you want to talk to us about your relationship? Mumsnet is good for writing things down and seeing them more objectively.

Sorry for the double posting - I seem to have a strange issue with posting at the moment.

If you know that he used to get into fights etc when he hung around with these friends, and you have reason to believe that these friends haven't really changed, then of course you are not delusional to be concerned about him fighting. He sounds like a bit of a knobhead, quite honestly.

Does he often speak so rudely to you? Does he often suggest you are delusional?

I told him it was purely just out of care not that i thought it would be the case..

He has been saying im messed in the head, u need help etc and i feel like it's having a massive effect even though i know im well.. I have anxiety ocd related but am getting help. I just feel shit

@Funnylittlefloozie^

You need to leave him, no matter what he shouldn't be talking to you like that

I tried discussing saying to him he needs to stop saying what he says and he turned around and said i dont want to listen to your shit. Hes had enough of it i am messed up.

So i said just leave if im that bad.. He goes thats what i should have done long time ago

oh OP, I think your husband is speaking to you with utter contempt. Im not sure theres much coming back from that stage. Hes being really horrid to you. What you said was perfectly ok

The word delusional doesn't really fit with the context of what you were asking. I'd say you are delusional if you think this is a nice man worth being in a relationship with though. Telling you you're fucked in the head though his is a typical abusers line to make you think it's you with the problem rather than the obvious that is his unreasonable behaviour

@Sarnia1980x

Are you in a position to leave him?

He doesn't respect you and verbally abuses you when you try to resolve things.

His repeatedly telling you you're messed up or there is something wrong in your head is a form of gaslighting, and is an abusive tactic to avoid being held accountable for his behaviour.

Have you any family or friend nearby you can turn to?

Is he ever violent?

It sounds like it came from a place of concern, like any spouse would do.
Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him ?

OP - do you have children?

Yes we have 2 kids together..

Im unable to tell anyone, i feel like i will disappoint everyone around me. I feel absulutely stuck.

I feel like it is a deal breaker for me though as its testing my sanity.

I think you need to ‘get your ducks in a row’ behind the scenes so that if you ever want to go, you are ready for it.

If I was in your position I would have said the same thing that you said. It’s because you care about him and you don’t want him getting hurt or getting into trouble, I totally get that .
How does he repay you for your concern for him, by talking to you like you are a piece of shit he trod on. He is a disgusting pig. This is abuse, you are worth so much more than being treated this way.
Do you have someone you can talk to IRL, friends, family? He sounds a bully and it can be hard to walk away from these types. Please talk to someone, the good times you have with him can’t possibly make up for this behaviour. You need to start looking into your exit plan because as time goes on his behaviour will get worse .

Hes away for the night as hes got some work but i told him if im as crazy as u say i am then leave me.. He goes yeah leave, i dont care.. Leave before im back @DinosaurDiana I think hes telling me how much he hates me

Don’t you go anywhere. Get yourself a solicitor.