My parents live overseas.
My Granny, my siblings and I all live in UK, but spread out around the country. One brother lives very near Granny.
My Granny is in her eighties, increasingly frail and forgetful. She lives in her house still, and manages. She has lots of friends and loves where she lives.
My parents are not interested in Granny. (She is my mother's mother). They have admitted to me that they just don't like her much. My father is quite open about his dislike of her. My mother feels anxious and guilty and "does what she has to" but out of a sense of obligation. My granny is not enormously fond of my father either, but has no idea that her relationship with my mother (her daughter) is anything other than wonderful. She genuinely believes that they get on famously, as they did when my mother was younger.
I do what I can. I phone Granny a few times a week, and she feels comfortable phoning me every day (sometimes lots of times a day ) if she wants to. We have her to stay for weekends. She came for Easter and is coming for Christmas. My parents get a bit irritated with me for this, as they think that Granny is their "responsibility" and I shouldn't be playing the martyr and doing their job. I can't make them understand that I'm not playing the martyr - that I actually like Granny and enjoy her company. Also, to be frank, they are not doing their job - they don't check on her, they don't have her to stay. They last saw her last Christmas when she went to visit them.
Granny is no saint of course. She's a lonely old lady who gets a bit bored and likes to stir things up a bit. I know that she likes to play the victim and give me the impression that my mum never phones her and won't let her phone them, which isn't true.
So, my parents are coming to see us for the weekend next year. It's their first visit to the UK for a couple of years. My brother who lives very near Granny has said that he'll come up to see them while they're with us. Great. Am looking forward to it.
Except.
Granny's not invited.
If I bring this up with anyone in the family they'll say "oh Granny's fine, she doesn't need to be included in everything, there's no room anyway and she'll just take over. Leave it". It's true that having Granny along would completely alter the whole weekend. She follows my mum around and talks incessantly about people from their village 50 years ago. My parents are so so so looking forward to coming and seeing their granddaughter (for the third time ever) and spending time with DP and I and catching up. If Granny comes my father will get the hump, my mum will be on edge, my brother probably won't come... Granny really doesn't ever stop talking, so there will be no space for a catch up with my parents and no space for them to spend time with dd.
But, on the other hand, how on earth can I have my parents and my brother (who will drive past Granny's front door to get here) without including her? She would absolutely adore to come, would love to see my mum again. She doesn't mean to be annoying.
I suppose I just don't find her as annoying as other people in the family do. I refuse to be a party to the apparently accepted attitude in my family of making Granny a second class citizen, but I'm scared of doing the right thing and inviting her, when it will essentially be ruining a weekend that my parents and brother (and I) am really looking forward to.
I'm really churned up about this and wondered if a third party oppinion might help me decide what to do.