Lazy boyfriend useless dad

[Jr2020]

I need to vent. I don’t know where else to turn to and I don’t know what’s the point in this post but feel like my brain is going to malfunction if I don’t air my feelings out to others mums.
My boyfriend of 2 years is not the dad I thought he would be. To put it nicely he’s utterly shit.
Our baby is 7 months, she’s amazing, such a good baby and adorable.
He has next to no input with her and isn’t interested in getting hands on either.
He has NEVER got up in the night for her. He vapes weed and there’s no waking him up once he’s asleep , he won’t even stir if she’s crying in his ear.
He sleeps in happily till past 11am sometimes with no regard that I’ve been up since 6 almost every morning. He falls asleep on the sofa every night and hardly ever makes it up to bed so we have time together. He refuses to change her nappy sometimes, rolls his eyes when I ask him to do stuff with her, if I go out and he’s left at home alone he will sleep. Even if it’s 4-5 hours and the house is a mess, I’ll come home to it untouched and find him sleeping on the sofa. It’s getting me so down now, constant tidying up after him, doing everything with my baby which I actually love doing , she just deserves so much more from him. He’s actually so lazy and shit. We’ve had so many arguments about this in the past and as soon as I mention any of this, no matter how I word it or approach him, it always ends up with me feeling bad that I’m attacking him or something. And he still carries on, still continues to sleep in the day, leave the house a mess, complain that I nag him too much, he NEVER offers to give me a break, he’s never once said “let me take her whilst you go half half an hour to yourself” NOTHING. Don’t even know the aim of this to be honest just so many thoughts going round my head. Can’t speak to my family about it because my dad ends up messaging him, it’s always a caring and supportive message , but my partner gets affected by it and angry that I’m painting a bad picture of him and shit.

It's his weed habit and until he chooses to stop he will remain lazy , stuck and useless. Kick him out until he gets a life, or not. Maybe the shock will help him come to his senses.

Why have a baby with this clown??
Cut him loose, you'll be much happier on your own.

What's keeping you with him?

Tell him to get to fuck
He's pointless

Stop protecting him. Speak to your family. You are not painting him in a bad light, he is doing that to himself.

@ScrollingLeaves

It is something that he is working, all be it part-time. Is it weekends too?

Can he go without weed on his work days?

He doesn't work part time. He does 40 hours a week.

I've worked in children's homes. I once asked one of the younger staff "did you do something nice on your day off?" the answer came back "I slept all day"

It can be mentally and emotionally draining, physically the shifts can be tiring, and sometimes the shifts are ridiculously long. So I won't underestimate the toll it takes on a person, and on their relationships.

But its the weed. Really it is. Can he cut back?

Nope, not for a nanosecond would I tolerate this. Only you can change this situation though cos it doesn't sound as though he is going to change anytime soon. Please raise your bar and set a better example to your daughter

I'm not gonna come at you about the weed because I like vaping it too - I don't drink, weed is my vice.

Though was he a really helpful and supportive partner before your kid came along? Sometimes I think we gloss over behaviour that doesn't become inconvenient until there is a small child to care for.

Don't have any more kids with him is what I would advise!

You have said yourself that your dad regularly uses weed and is a great dad and runs a business. You have a real-life role model who shows that it can't be "just" the weed. Granted your dad may handle it better than your partner, but the fact that your partner continues to choose to be useless and lazy, a situation that is exacerbated by weed, shouts loud and clear that he does not want to change and does not care about you or what you're saying.

You have said it yourself: your daughter deserves better, she deserves more. So do you.

Sod the mortgage, houses get sold, finances get split. There are a thousand women on here who will tell you that separating was stressful and money was tight, but they are a million times better off now, and their kids are happier.

Also, saying "you make me look bad" is a distraction tactic. He is a bad partner and dad, and the fact that he is more worried about people knowing that rather than worrying about doing more, is just infuriating.

I’d ask him to leave and say you’ve had enough. You and your daughter deserve better; the fact she’s already being exposed to drugs and laziness is a sign that he isn’t going to a positive influence on her life. He’s using you as an unpaid maid. Why do you even want to be with this man?

Has he not considered that he could lose his job with his prolific smoking of weed? There are safeguarding procedures in place.

You're supposed to be in a partnership not a sit on my arseship.