Do all men act like teenagers or is it just mine?

[DisneyBaby]

I feel like my husband has no respect for me at all and treats me like I'm his mum and he is a teenager.
My husband leaves a trail of mess wherever he goes around the house, doesn't do any chores and just expects me to do everything.
For example; he takes his clothes off every night and leaves them on the bedroom floor, never back in the wardrobe or the laundry basket, most often they are left inside out too. He will leave plates, mugs, glasses everywhere and empty wrappers, rarely takes them to the kitchen, let alone putting them in the dishwasher. If he wants a headache tablet he will leave all the packet sprawled out on the worktop, can't even be bothered to put the sachet back in the packet and back in the cupboard.
He does things like load the dishwasher or cut the grass but only when I ask him, never off his own back, and often after a bit of tutting or moaning.
We've been married 4 years, together for 10 and have a 17 month old daughter and a dog. He never walks the dog, does as little nappies as possible and even when I ask him to get our daughter ready for bed, put her in her sleep-suit and do her teeth etc, it feels like a big ask all the time.
He says I'm not fun anymore and always moan at him but I feel like I'm being unappreciated and taken for a mug all the time.
We haven't had much sex lately but it's because I'm just not in the mood, it's true what Stacey Solomon says about a man who does chores is a turn on, if he was more supportive and helped around the house I'd feel more attracted to him and we'd have more sex. He's not very affectionate either, never grabs me for a cuddle. Sometimes he grabs and gropes me if I'm getting dressed or something but I'm always like get off because it feels like he's only tactile or helpful when he wants to have sex.

Anyway what I want to know is, is this just a standard bloke thing or have I got a particularly lazy man? It's getting me down because I feel like I would just love someone to just be a bit more gentlemanly and ask if I want a drink or cup or tea once in a while or say 'is there anything I can do to help around the house'. Is that asking too much? My Dad is that kind of person but he's 61, are there any younger guys like that??

Sorry I didn't realise how long that was!😅

There are many women on MN who have husbands/partners like yours.
You need to decide if this is the way you want to live. If yes then crack on.
If no then are you prepared to separate and deal with the issues that decision will bring.
At the very least make sure your contraception is bullet proof - the last thing you need is another baby with this loser.

Are you working or are you financially dependent on him?

There are many men like this. There are many men like your father. You seem to have chosen the wrong type. He is unlikely to change. The only thing worth trying is not 'nagging' (awful misogynistic word) but calmly telling him that you are going to split unless he starts behaving like a full partner and co-parent. However, this ONLY works once and you must be prepared to carry through on it i.e. mean it!

No, not all men are like that. He sounds like a slob.

You are unfortunate enough to have found a lazy one.

You could perhaps send him this

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/mustbethistalltoride.com/2016/01/14/she-divorced-me-because-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink/amp/?client=safari

And similar

But quite honestly it sounds like he was always lazy - so why did you think he would change?

Your only real option really as @pog100 says is to have a "come to Jesus" talk with him and give him an ultimatum. But you HAVE to mean it or it's worthless

My ex had the propensity to be lazy at times but I knew it wasn't his default position. He tried taking the piss soon after we married, when we first married I was unemployed as I'd moved to where he was (he was in army) and so was fine initially to do the bulk of the chores as I was home anyway, but when I got a job he carried on as if I was still the default housekeeper! Er...no!

So a combo of strike and huge row, at which point he phoned mummy! Luckily my now ex mil is a lovely and sensible parent and she also gave him a bollocking! Then put his dad on - who also gave him a bollocking! It's not how he was raised and not how he'd been before marriage (we didn't live together before marriage simply as ldr at that point) he was trying it on. He sulked for a bit - which I also told him I would NOT be tolerating! - then he saw sense, apologised and we came up with a system that worked for us.

He did have a habit of leaving festering rugby kit in a sports bag for a week and expecting me to somehow psychically know it was there and to empty the bag and wash it, after a few arguments about this I stuffed the lot in his work shoes which completely stank them out and his boss commented! He told boss why somehow thinking it would elicit sympathy and a free pass. Boss gave him an earful. That stopped that nonsense.

BUT things like this only work if the guy is not fundamentally lazy.

If he's always been lazy he always will be - also did his mum do everything for him? Was his dad the same? If so it's too ingrained

If everyone’s husband is as shit as yours would that make it okay?
No they aren’t all like this. Men are fully capable of being functional responsible adults.

Yep, another lazy shit who will undoubtedly complain about lack of sex. I find men who act like that very unsexy and annoying and doing want to be in a relationship with them.

You chose a terrible, useless husband. Thankfully, that's a choice you don't have to live with forever. I don't know if you've realised it yet, but your marriage is doomed, so don't have any more children with this man.

"Is there anything I can do to help round the house?" ??? And him saying this to you occasionally would make all the difference? Even if he said it several times every day, it is the wrong question.

You both live in your house together, you are both parents of a baby. It should not be a case of your husband " helping", you should be sharing the load as a couple. He definitely is behaving like an especially lazy and entitled teenager. . . but it also sounds like you need to raise your standards.

I had the misfortune to marry (and leave) a manbaby like this… My best advice would be to squirrel money away until you’re ready to leave. They never change and tend to turn into shitty exes who you can’t rely on to co-parent. Life’s too short to waste on a fanny who can’t lift his weight.

Not all men are like your DH, mine isn't & neither are my DF or BILs. He sounds like a right Little Lord Fauntleroy.

The more I read on mumsnet the more I realise that the country is full of fucking useless men. How the hell did we get here?

Why yes,every single man in the world is inconsiderate,disrespectful,lazy,immature and a shitty partner!!! Record scratch:NoNoNo You.do.not.have.to.accept.this. Demand the respect you deserve and stop being a doormat!!!!!

The way you've worded your question is so immature OP.

Every word of your post screams "he's lazy and useless". Which he is, of course. But you are the one who chose him so where is your sense of responsibility for choices you made?

Like many women who end up with these useless men, you likely auditioned for the role of wife by erroneously imagining that to be, doing everything for a man so he can see how *indispensable" you are, and marry you.

The reality is, you are viewed as a doormat.

He is the type of man you chose, not the type of man every woman chooses and certainly, as you well know, not representative of every man.

Your options are put up with it or leave, he is who he is with no incentive to change. Not that people like that ever truly change. As a pp mentioned you're better of saving money secretly then getting out of it

Sod that for a game of soldiers.

How can you ever find him attractive if you spend so much time being his mum (or avoiding having to be his mum)?

If my husband said " is there anything I can do to help around the house?" I would be fucking livid. He isn't helping you out when he does chores in his own house and puts his own children to bed. Stop seeing yourself as the default parent and housekeeper.

I'd get all his shit and dump it in his side of the bed. Sweet wrappers, plates, the lot.

Lazy shit.

I'd tell him straight out if he doesn't pull his socks up and start behaving like a husband and a father he can leave and there will be no more sex at all.

You've got a lazy, disrespectful bastard there.

Stop putting up with it.

Stop doing his washing for a start as the only one who is affected is him.

If he won't pick up after himself, get a black bag or box and shove everything of his in it - sweet wrappers, shoes, clothes, dirty plates, all in there and keep doing it.

Also, you have a daughter. It's your responsibility to show her women are not fucking skivvies and second class citizens to other humans who happen to have penises. Fgs.

I was coming on to say yes my husband is like a teenager.....laughs at rubbish jokes, shouts too loud at the TV and facts a lot.

But he absolutely pulls his weight around the house and with the kids.

Leave his clothing exactly where it falls.

My dh isn’t like this but then he’s a man not a child

Ltb