How on earth do adults make friends!

[Rua90]

Sooo Ive been putting off doing this for ages out of fear of judgement basically! I am 30yo living in the North West with my amazing partner of 6 years. I lived in Scotland when we first met and only moved here about 3 years ago.( Im Irish so seeing friends and family over the past 18 months has been entirely online) I work for the NHS and love it but am having difficulty making friends which has never been an issue before! I keep in touch with my friends from home and Scotland but have no one close here. I work in a small team with 3 other and my colleagues are lovely but all older and from here so have known everyone in the area all their lives. I am not the most outgoing so I find approaching new people very awkward, has anyone got any advice? Iv always made friends easily through school/uni/work but for some reason as I`ve gotten older its so much harder xx

Have you tried bumble BFF?

Lots of people on there who have just relocated / wfh full time etc and are in the same boat as you. And because it's a separate part of the site, you don't have to wade through those looking for something else

Through my hobbies.

I was in similar position in late 20's and cracked it by joining a team sport, found a bunch of people in the same boat in the club if not necessarily in my team, even those that didn't join with that reason in mind still got to know you and you found room in their lives. It gave me a totally solid base for my 30's and are still going strong now in my 40's.

Joined a sports club. Regular pub evenings, trips abroad. One of the best things I ever did.

@Parky04

Joined a sports club. Regular pub evenings, trips abroad. One of the best things I ever did.

and I'm not particularly good at the sport!

Do activities with other people - loads of sports you can do as a beginner/at a very amateur level. Crafting? Art? Learn a language? Book club? Volunteering? Choir?

Even if you don't make firm friends from the activity you'll be flexing your social muscles and have different conversation topics.

No advice just following for advice for myself I'm a sahp/carer to disabled tamily member. I meet people but my issue is I struggle to keep up and develop these friendships. I'm a total introvert do find it so hard and don't have a great deal to talk about as my life is so monotonous.

OP what are your interests?

Language learning? Reading? Green volunteering e.g. where you do clear ups? (Most of the volunteering I have done it is a solo activity with just the individual(s) I'm helping) Singing? Playing instruments? Knitting? Sewing?

I have people I spend time with rather than close friends, it takes me a really long to
time to get close to people, but the people I like most and turn to most for company and social things are people I've met as an adult through 2 sports that I'm involved in.

Whereabouts in the northwest are you op?

I.e we keep meeting because we want to do the activity together rather than because of any need to see each other iyswim and eventually, some of these become friends.

No bleep clue. I've moved around a fair bit and it's getting harder and harder. I have no idea where all the people are, I rarely meet anyone my own age. I don't have kids and don't go out to work, so it's hard.

It is not easy for adults, esp if shy or introvert. However, meet up, facebook, eventbrite workshops or shared interests are starting points. I made friends via my dog. People won't approach, but they come for a chat to the dog and it starts there.

Volunteering in the local community. I chose St John Ambulance and it's been great - even got a holiday out of it

I have a friend who does this and meets loads of lovely people
wwoof.org.uk/

It is difficult for adults. And especially now of course. And I’ve found it harder as I’ve got older so I can sympathise completely.

I’m much older than you op, and never really thought my friendship group would expand at my age but in the last few years I’ve made some lovely new ones.

2 through work - one was a fellow colleague, (who is more than 30 years younger than me - maybe the women you work with could be potential new friends?). And one was a volunteer at my workplace.

3 at the place where I volunteer, one in particular who I’ve become close to.

1 when sat on my own at the pub with the dog after taking him for a walk.

And 1 was a lady I went to for a facial and we got on well so we’ve become friends.

Could you try some of those - ie volunteering or dog walking (dog snatching if you don’t have one!) Or meet up? Good luck :)

@TheRealMrsMorningstar

No advice just following for advice for myself I'm a sahp/carer to disabled tamily member. I meet people but my issue is I struggle to keep up and develop these friendships. I'm a total introvert do find it so hard and don't have a great deal to talk about as my life is so monotonous.

Do you get any time to yourself @TheRealMrsMorningstar? It can be so isolating and exhausting being a carer - I’ve been there. I obviously know nothing about your circumstances but have you heard of the charity Enrych? I’m thinking that, depending of course on the person you care for, they might be able to enable that person to go places and do things for a couple of hours, giving you a bit of time.

I’ve just remembered another way I’ve made a friend in the last 4 years - this one’s a bit niche though!

My dh died four years ago and the woman who was the funeral administrator was amazing. I knew that he would have liked her, so I did too. And over the intervening years we have become good friends and I know now (but she didn’t tell me at the time) that she too was widowed at a young age.

Thanks everyone for your suggestions! I really should have mentioned I’m 6 weeks pregnant so starting a new sport may be out of the questions for now! @Fellystar12 I’m in west Cumbria :) xx

Congratulations op. Having a baby will bring lots of opportunities to meet people :)

Do you have NCT classes in your area? It can be hit or miss but my group of 7 is going strong and the babies are about to start school. They're my main group of friends now.

You'll meet friends through having a baby, sign up to every class going!
The hard part is actually taking the friendship forward by being open, sharing personal things and inviting them to do things.

I met lots of people when we moved area and I had my daughter. Some were people I had nothing in common with but the timing of our unprotected sex. But some I’m still very close to 8 years later.
Otherwise I’m stumped. I have work/singing/volunteering acquaintances but I wouldn’t call them close friends.

Don't laugh.

Tinder. Yup that infamous hook up site.
I was honest said I'm really bored, just here to make friends nothing more and just selected both sexes thinking well she could be a guy anything with a fake profile haha.

Loads never made it off tinder although we talk(ed) regular.

A few made it onto an anonymous snap account, some we are in group chats all over the place as we really clicked. Some have met. And yes it was also used at times for its intended purposes.

There's loads of lonely people out there that aren't looking for romance. Just a friend.

And tbh even the hungry ones can be funny as fuck in their desperation.

Might be hard though to explain to a partner that your on their innocently lol. Was thinking about the FB thing and thought nope fuck that. At least tinder you're as known as you want to be haha

Oh and there's a local area section on this site somewhere I think. Might be worth a look.