Boyfriend called me selfish for wanting to go out

[nelma]

Already posted in parenting but I figured it made more sense in relationships. I'm still trimming to figure out this app 😂
Anyway...

I asked my boyfriend what days he had off next month because I wanted to go out for a bottomless brunch with my friends. I'm trying to pre-plan since i wanted to drink on this day and I am bf'ing so wanted to express beforehand. dd is currently 3 weeks old but by the time I was planning this brunch she will be 6 weeks and hopefully we would have introduced bottle/formula by then, planning to do so anyway. It became a whole argument, his reasoning for being peeved is that why can't I just go on a non-alcoholic bottomless brunch with dd with me, seeing as I will be off all the time, why am I waiting for him to have a day off after working all to go out drinking leaving dd with him. His problem isn't taking care of our daughter whilst I'm away, but because I'm drinking it a problem? I told him I wanted a day to myself since I've had a problem with autonomy since the beginning of the pregnancy. That's when he proceeded to call me selfish, since dd is only a newborn and I'm already planning selfish days.

Please tell me im not ridiculous for calling him ridiculous

Personally, I wouldn't want to leave my baby at that age, whoever they are with. It's one thing popping out for half an hour, completely different going out all day drinking.

It's not selfish. My husband and I both went out when our kids were 6 weeks and 4 weeks respectively. Left the kids in the capable hands of a grandparent. Despite that we've still managed to spend time with them, take them to the park, on trips out, parents evening, nursery graduations.

I also work evenings part time and my husband day time full time, unfortunately we don't have a magic money tree to enable us to stay at home 24/7 although even if we did there isn't a chance in hell we would never do fun things for ourselves without the kids.

I appreciate 6 weeks might feel too young for some people and that's totally fine but there is no need to poorly judge someone who is happy to leave their 6 week old in the presumably safe hands of their dad.

Being a parent is so much more than being attached to your child constantly. It's about being there for them as a whole, their bedtimes, taking them on trips out but all the mundane crap too like doctors appointments and shoe fittings.

@inappropriateraspberry I didn't want to leave my kids at that age either, but that was my decision/issues. Plenty of people do and it's fine as long as they're well looked after!! And years ago, many women had to go back to work when their babies were 6 weeks old.

@SylviasMama

I think six weeks old is way too early to leave a baby. They are tiny for such a short time. Not a popular opinion here, but I think you should hold off a bit.

Nobody asked for your opinion on that.

@inappropriateraspberry

Personally, I wouldn't want to leave my baby at that age, whoever they are with. It's one thing popping out for half an hour, completely different going out all day drinking.

Not even with their other parent?

Does dad not get a say in this? DH encouraged me to go out because he wanted to look after DS on his own and enjoyed being an involved, equal parent.

@ravenmum

I don't understand these posts saying that a baby shouldn't be "left" at six weeks. What do posters mean by that? Have they not seen that the baby would be with her father, and thus not "left"? Or do they mean that both parents should stick by the baby's side until ... what age? Eight weeks? Twelve? Or do they mean that only the mum has to? Serious question: what do you mean?

It's bizarre isn't it?

It's a few hours but weeks, months or years and most importantly the child is with their other parent. They aren't being left to fend for themselves.

The ante-natal classes I went to told us to go out when the baby was about a month old as it’s important to remember you’re a person in your own right. That was coming up for 24 years ago - stay strong & go out.