He's having an affair isn't he

[DancingLady]

I don't check my husband's phone but this morning his alarm was beeping so I went to swipe it off. And saw a WhatsApp from a pretty, youngish woman. The message read, in its entirety, 'That makes sense. Am really sad not to be seeing you. Have had a migraine today so will confirm that week tmrw xxx (Really sad)'

It was sent at nearly midnight last night. I don't know who this woman is. I feel oddly calm as our marriage (nearly 13y) has been in trouble for years. We have 2 DC, 11 and 5, so this might be a good thing for us.

It was a WhatsApp so tiny round photo and message, but prev messages not visible as phone locked. He's acting normal but keeping his phone v close to him.

And yes, could be a good thing as it means I'm not the bad guy if I end things

I hear you. I felt exactly the same when I was told by a third party that my then-husband was having an affair.

Get yourself sorted, ducks in a row, and move on. Good luck.

It seems too personal for a hooker but if it's an affair then they aren't seeing each other very often but yes sounds like he is up to no good .

@DancingLady

It was a WhatsApp so tiny round photo and message, but prev messages not visible as phone locked. He's acting normal but keeping his phone v close to him.

Ah ok, I don't see a WhatsApp pic ok my iPhone unless I unlock it and go into WhatsApp.

Did you get her name to do some digging?

Yeah he's having an affair.
Don't say anything to him, try to gather more evidence.

Start separating your finances from his and start looking into divorce proceedings.

Just be straight an say can I see your messages please. I'm concerned your texting some one from when I seen a message other day. Get the truth

He’s highly unlikely to tell you the truth if you confront him now. Get all the financial paperwork gathered up, act normal and he will trip himself up.

Of course it is understandable that him giving you an out when the marriage is dead is a bonus.

Not a word until it suits you.
Ducks in a row, watch him like a hawk and confide in family and friends.

It does not sound good. If my OH had a message like that pop up on his whatsApp I'd be thinking the same as you. It just isn't the sort of message a collegue would innocnently send so either something is going on or will be very soon.
The fact he has never mentioned her also. And that he is secretive with his phone.
So you need to try and get into his phone. Stay calm and don't let him know.
If he ever puts in a code to open his phone try and look over his shoulder. If its fingerprint, does he evr sleep so heavy you could do that in his sleep?
if none of these possible, you could try and come up with some sort of emergency to use his phone that he couldn't refuse. Yours in out of battery for example and the school has called you / a relative has called you and you desperately need to call them back because of xyz.
If he refuses you in such a scenario, there is definitely your answer.
Get your ducks in a row though as soon as you can.

And I totally get the bit about not being the bad guy, especially where the kids are concerned.

It sounds to me like a message addressing two separate issues. The bit about confirming the week sounds like something HR or manager would say when you've asked them for a week off.
Can you focus on the 'makes sense' bit? Why would it make sense him not going to something? Has he made a big change to his social life, perhaps giving up a hobby and she's really sad she won't be seeing him?

Does he go to regular appointments and is she going to confirm his appointment tomorrow because her migraine prevents her from accessing her diary? Perhaps?

Just thinking ... the 'really sad' bit tagged on the end sounds .. insipid. Know anyone like that?

It sounds to me like an OLD person who is wishing to meet up at some point or some sort of appointment based activity such as sports massage that has to be re arranged.

For some reason it doesn't sound work based as the 'really sad not to be seeing you' is a bit over the top for either a colleague or client to be putting down in writing.

A theory based on the wording of the message.
He meets up with this person regularly but for short times during the day and not on the same day of the week nor the same time.
They plan the days/times each week in advance.
Your DH is pretty sure he knows what your location will be on these days.
However, perhaps you've mentioned to him that you have an appointment or a shopping trip planned which will take you in the vicinity of their meeting place.
He's messaged her to say that it might be best to leave it this week because you've mentioned you might be in the area but he's not sure which day/time.
She's distraught because it will be a whole week of not seeing him.
But they're already planning the meeting times for the week following, which she will confirm tomorrow.

@DancingLady how's it going?

Did you speak to him? Hope you're ok.

OP You can click on the tiny photo on whatsap and it will enlarge

Late to this but could the really sad at the end in brackets be where she has used a sad face emoji to end the message but on the locked screen it showed up in words instead?

My first thought was that it sounds like he’s messaging an escort. I’m sorry op

Great with the kids, no affection or communication or sex life though.

It can't be a surprise as neither of you have been able to pull the plug on the marriage, that's clearly not a happy one.

The feeling of relief you're having is knowing that you're not crazy. That he is lying to you and that he doesn't care about you. Don't waste any time. Get out. I wasted too much time. But be prepared to feel the fall out eventually. You're running on adrenaline now. Wishing you all the best OP. It's a shifty place to be.