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Original poster

He's having an affair isn't he

71 replies

DancingLady · 23/06/2021 09:57

I don't check my husband's phone but this morning his alarm was beeping so I went to swipe it off. And saw a WhatsApp from a pretty, youngish woman. The message read, in its entirety, 'That makes sense. Am really sad not to be seeing you. Have had a migraine today so will confirm that week tmrw xxx (Really sad)'

It was sent at nearly midnight last night. I don't know who this woman is. I feel oddly calm as our marriage (nearly 13y) has been in trouble for years. We have 2 DC, 11 and 5, so this might be a good thing for us.

OP posts:
Livandme · 23/06/2021 13:12

Has he mentioned going away on his own? Work trips?
The week thing is suggesting to me they are planning something.
I'd sit tight on the info but would definitely do more digging.
Don't mention her name (is it even the right one?!) ask few more questions about his work, see how he reacts.
Just keep looking and you will find what you need to know.

hardboiledeggs · 23/06/2021 14:41

Sounds like your prepped to walk so I would go if I were you.

Original poster
DancingLady · 23/06/2021 15:11

@Jonjojobs123

I felt the same sense of calm when my husbands ons came out. Like you our marriage had been had not been great for as long as i remember but never bad enough to call it quits...great family life but shit life as a couple. I remember thinking I've got my out. So completely get where your coming from. X
Thank you, that's exactly us. Great with the kids, no affection or communication or sex life though.
OP posts:
Original poster
DancingLady · 23/06/2021 18:21

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

could be a good thing as it means I'm not the bad guy if I end things

Jesus christ, have a bit of respect for yourself.

You say your marriage has been over for a while. So do something about it.

Wow, who pissed on your chips?
OP posts:
MrsBunHat · 23/06/2021 18:32

Actually it does make it harder if you have to be the “bad guy” - especially if your H is liable to milk it and play the victim. I used to dream of my ex ending it or having an affair, but eventually it was so bad that I had to end it and he told the kids it was all on me. They understand now but at the time I just had to swallow it.

I get what you mean OP!

toocold54 · 23/06/2021 18:35

It doesn’t look great but could have an explanation. I would just ask him outright. If things haven’t been good for a while it sounds like a conversation is needed whether it’s innocent or not.

mrsstyles · 23/06/2021 18:40

@Jonjojobs123

I felt the same sense of calm when my husbands ons came out. Like you our marriage had been had not been great for as long as i remember but never bad enough to call it quits...great family life but shit life as a couple. I remember thinking I've got my out. So completely get where your coming from. X

Exact same position and I called mine "my get out of jail free card"

Agree you don't need this to leave but it helped lessen the guilt i was already feeling when I was considering leaving. Felt a bit selfish to put my dd through that just because I wasn't 'in love' anymore. Up until I discovered the affair, I couldn't fault my exH so I was really struggling with breaking up a marriage when I (thought) me and dd were being treated so well x

Spin66 · 23/06/2021 19:20

Sorry if I’m totally of the mark, but have you considered that it could be from an escort?

It’s just the part where she says “confirming next week, tomorrow”.

Taliskerskye · 23/06/2021 19:55

No one wants to be the bad guy, but waiting for someone else to fuck up feels a little off. I guess if you can both sit down together and agree that it had to end somehow. And though this is hard. It’s probably for the best.

Spied · 23/06/2021 20:02

Oh dear, I think Spin could be on to something.

Maddox33 · 23/06/2021 20:19

I've just realised a WhatsApp message I sent to my male line manager earlier has two kisses on the end. I hope his partner doesn't think we're having an affair, particularly as he is young enough to be my son and gay.

The message might be totally innocent but it seems your marriage is over regardless.

GrandmasCat · 23/06/2021 20:30

I’m with you, finding a good excuse to end what looks to be, in the surface, a good relationship, is a blessing.

For those who do not understand that, it is about not being put through the mill to explain a zillion times why you are leaving “such wonderful guy” to family, friends and the dog. It is also about getting the much needed support every person needs when re starting on their own.

Crikeyalmighty · 23/06/2021 21:11

I also thought what @Spin66 said too about escorts. It’s just the wording— it doesn’t really sound like the wording someone would use in a relationship, but it did sound like the wording of someone who spends ‘time’ in certain places on certain weeks etc and the expression of ‘seeing you’

HollowTalk · 23/06/2021 21:18

I wonder whether she meant "Tomorrow I'll confirm that week" or "I'll confirm that a week tomorrow."

OP do you have access to bank accounts? I wonder whether it's an escort, too.

It sounds as though this will be the end - try not to panic, life will be better once you're separated.

iwouldlikearefundonmybody · 24/06/2021 19:07

I often say I miss my colleagues. BUT i also agree with the others about escorts. I hope you are ok op.

Original poster
DancingLady · 24/06/2021 20:01

Pretty sure it's not an escort. Why would an escort be saying she's really sad not to see him and mentioning her headache?! If anything it reads to me like an emotional involvement. Haven't brought it up yet. Will talk to him tomorrow.

OP posts:
Fabiofatshaft1 · 24/06/2021 20:30

In the great scheme of things, what does any of it matter !? Really ?

Whether they are just friends, close friends, emotionally connected or he’s shagging the arse off her, ( Which it sounds like he is... ).

You don’t love him, you want out, get out !!!!

And live your best life.

mrsstyles · 24/06/2021 21:21

You seem pretty calm about this OP. If he was cheating would you end?

I noticed you said his phone was locked so you just seen the notification on the screen and couldn't open the conversation. How did you manage to see her photo?
If you managed to try and get a look at his phone again?

Skyliner001 · 24/06/2021 21:27

Sounds more like someone that's quite desperate, but who he doesn't like

Hawkins001 · 24/06/2021 21:56

@DancingLady

Yep will get finances sorted. No I couldn't see the prev convo as his phone was locked. He's always been v secretive with his phone- DD goes on mine all the time but is not allowed on his.

And yes, could be a good thing as it means I'm not the bad guy if I end things...

Technically you could still be the "bad person" as he's possibly cheating , awaiting confirming, but then you could be seen at the one that splits the family unit up.
Original poster
DancingLady · 24/06/2021 22:32

@Crikeyalmighty

I also thought what *@Spin66* said too about escorts. It’s just the wording— it doesn’t really sound like the wording someone would use in a relationship, but it did sound like the wording of someone who spends ‘time’ in certain places on certain weeks etc and the expression of ‘seeing you’

Yeah, but I think it's more likely to be a colleague. People in his company have started going back to the office part-time, so it could mean she's missing seeing him there and will confirm when she's next in

OP posts:
Crikeyalmighty · 24/06/2021 22:39

@DancingLady. Ah yes, I get your point— a bit sad if it is indeed a colleague— she sounds aged about 12 maturity wise !! Might not be an affair— might be she has a crush on him—

longcoffeebreak · 24/06/2021 22:47

I think it sounds fairly innocent

parkerpop · 24/06/2021 22:50

You said you've seen her profile picture.....I don't know how that works on a locked screen, but I assume it'd show you her name then too? If so can you do a bit of digging to see if she works for the same company?

ethelredonagoodday · 25/06/2021 07:56

The 'really sad' bit would make me wonder...