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Relationships

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BF pointing out one of his ex's

7 replies

wombleofwimbledom · 21/06/2021 12:07

Would you be annoyed if, randomly, your bf pointed out someone who he used to date?

Back story; we were in the gym training and he points out some woman he used to date. We have been together 4 years and he was married for 6 years prior to this (I was nothing to do with his divorce). So, it will have been 10+ years since he dated this woman.

So, now I need to look at this woman 3/4 times a week in the gym. I had seen her around the gym prior to this but never had any reason to take any notice beyond acknowledging her existence. Due to my own insecurities I cant help comparing myself to her and wondering why he felt the need to drop that in to the conversation. She's fit and attractive. I'm not hideous, but I'm certainly at the beginning of my fitness journey and several sizes bigger than her.

I'm not a mealy mouthed person and generally pride myself on at least outwardly appearing confident, but this has put me into a bit of a tizz and I can't seem to get a grip of myself. At the time, I didn't say anything to him at all in response (I was in the midst of a heavy lift). I made a Hmm face and nothing else has been said. Now I feel like too much time has passed to raise the issue. Or indeed, is there even an issue to raise? He hasn't done anything wrong; he did date her, I just wish I didn't know, or perhaps I wish I was more secure in myself and could stop making comparisons.

OP posts:
AllHallowsEve14 · 21/06/2021 12:22

I wouldn't see this as a big deal. Wouldn't it be strange if he didn't mention her and then you found out some other way?

yikesanotherbooboo · 21/06/2021 12:22

I wouldn't find this a problem. I would be interested. He has chosen you.

JoMumsnet · 21/06/2021 12:26

We're moving this thread over to our Relationships topic for the OP.

PassionfruitOrangeGuava · 21/06/2021 12:26

I wouldn’t be bothered at all. If they used to date then it’s very likely that at some point she’ll come over and say hello or vice versa, and he might have thought that would have been shiftier to have not said anything and then you be taken by surprise by that. So he let you know, and you moved on.

This is purely about your own self esteem and insecurity and feeling not good enough, and now you have an actual person right there in front of you to compare yourself to negatively. This isn’t anything he’s done wrong, it’s about how you feel about yourself.

2me2u2u2me · 21/06/2021 12:28

I agree with @AllHallowsEve14 , I'd find it strange if he didn't tell you, you'd then think he was hiding something.

wombleofwimbledom · 21/06/2021 12:30

Thanks, the point you've all made is true - it would be worse if he tried to hide it and it came out another way. I've got work to do on my own self esteem, clearly.

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 21/06/2021 12:39

If he’d said “I used to date her, isn’t she gorgeous, much thinner than you, I wish I was still with her” you might have a point, but a simple, unemotional statement about something that happened years ago is nothing to worry about. You made the perfect response face and nothing has been said since. That’s great. He’s with you, has been for years, you’re happy. Focus on that..

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