Could you live a life with no laughter in your marriage??

[HelpWendy]

As the title says really.

If there are other pluses is that enough or would it be unbearable eventually?

No. DH & I laugh together so much, DS too. My ex was a miserable bastard. I could never go back to that.

On the other hand - assuming he is a good kind man in other ways - don’t you have friends or other family to have a laugh with OP? It seems just a teensy pressurised to be having serious conversations about how you never laugh. I can’t imagine how rubbish I’d feel if a partner made this into a thing - everything would then turn try-hard and false. And ‘banter’ isn’t always funny for all parties.

Could you spend a bit more time with your friends if you feel you are missing out on laughs? And at home maybe watch some comedy together that you enjoy - he might laugh with you? Would that be enough/a start?

I would be wary of being with someone like this in the future, after my experience with my STBXH - at first I thought we just had a different sense of humour, or that I was more playful. But it did, like a previous poster, take a more sinister turn - after a while I felt like I couldn't be myself, I couldn't laugh about something freely or enjoy something funny, he definitely couldn't take anything going wrong lightly or take any joke that might be about him or someone like him (whereas I happily laugh at myself or situations when things go wrong). By the end he was telling me how horrible I was when I was happy, so I was censoring myself always. I'm not saying that your DH is like this, but just in case it helps you reconsider other red flags that you may have dismissed, I think not being able to laugh with someone can very much be a sign of something worse.

I often think of a line in Pride & Prejudice, where Elizabeth says that she dearly loves to laugh - that's how I feel too, and I wouldn't sacrifice it again.

Oh now I'm confused with myself 🤔 I was going to say that it is very important, and I'm currently living my life with no laughter 😪 I didn't even notice that I had none until I visited my sibling who lives 500 miles away so only visit once every few years. I spent the whole time laughing. My DH wasn't with me. I realised that I miss laughing and we never do it. But on the other hand, my ExH had a great sense of humour. His soh was what attracted me to him. But he was abusive and put me through 10 years of he'll, as well as our dc. So I'm not sure. Happy and boring but safe vs hilarious and exciting but toxic... difficult to say whether laughter with your H is make or break. You could laugh with others. Sorry not much help OP 😔

My DH is a funny fecker! We laugh all the time. Our baby is really funny, too!

I once went out with a dry, anxious sort of guy & I hated it... He was sweet, but boring!

Thank you to everyone. A pretty overwhelming response in favour of laughter 😁

But why do I feel so guilty and bad for needing this.

The posts made me think of a few things:

Laughter is a byproduct of understanding, a knowingness of each other. There lies the problem really.

Also, laughter helps you through the hard times, giving a bit of relief and lightness. We've been through the mill over the last few years, really since we married. We've had everything thrown at us but a small bit of lightness would have made it easier. I was good at providing this for a while until I realised it was one sided, then I realized how draining it was.

Finally in terms of getting a bit of fun and banter from my friends, I do. But I guess without knowing when I married but it being so clear as day now, some things your friends can't totally compensate for. Surely 99% of the world expects that understanding and common ground with a spouse or partner. I just missed a trick in the early days, his passiveness and agreeableness unintentionally tricked me into thinking we were somewhat on the same page.

I know I have to brave up and make a step now, but God I wish I didn't feel so bad for needing this.

No, I couldn’t. I think it is one of the blues that helps relationships stick. Even my eh I I can still laugh together sometimes!

My ex and I ….

Thing is - it could be in DH interests in the long run. My DF found a new partner after plitting up with DM who was more on his wavelength than DM and I saw them laughing together lots. It wasn't that df had no sense of humour, it was just very different from dm and mine. He seemed like a very flat, boring man when I was growing up. DM and he had so little in common it just ground them both down, but he came out of himself in later years. Partner talks about him as having mischievous sense of humour because that was her experience of him latterly. So maybe it could be better for dh too although it might not initially seem so.

Okay to everyone who helped me out with this post - please one last shove...!

I am.moving into my own how (co parenting two smallies 5 and 8).

I still have this niggling feeling that (amongst other things) this isn't enough to leave. He is a good man, we are kind to eachother but really we parent and co exist.

I feel selfish.

And I feel sure the grass is never greener and I am naive

You deserve joy and laughter in your day to day life... you'll find that your new home will be filled with it as the tensions of the last few years will drop.

You're not selfish - life is for living and enjoying and for fucking laughing! Otherwise it's just existing and no-one should do that!

I posted on this thread under another username, about my ex. Since then I've found a new partner who I constantly laugh with and a whole new joy in life - it feels like I've found myself again. It's not always fun and free and easy but I am myself again which makes it so much better.

You say he's good, he's kind, you can coexist - that's the absolute minimum to expect from a person, it's not enough reason to stay married to someone. This is your one life, be selfish!

Thank you @lavenderandlemon and @SanFranBear

I feel like I. Being eaten alive with guilt and I don't know how to handle it.

Totally this. If the tension and awkwardness is making you miserable then maybe walking away is the best option.

But also be realistic - many of my wonderful single friends aren't exactly living a life that's a bed of roses either. You might find a great partner that you laugh with - you might not. Among my friends, it's mostly been the latter.

Exactly this and that's why I feel I being naive. I should just radically accept that this is my lot.

Could I resurrect this thread? My husband has been hoping he's admitted that I will come back. We've gone through a lot and haven't been together for quite a few years, but we love our family and there is a lot of kindness between us.

But I feel ridiculous, I couldn't bare the lack of smiles, laughter, lack of occasional banter, playfulness or conversation between us. I would go back to our family in a second but for some reason the thought of this depresses me and it seems fickle and silly on my part.

I miss my family but cannot reconcile living in a stifled and serious couple. He is the kindest man, to his detriment really. I am stuck in this place where deep down I cannot move on because it doesn't feel like a proper reason even though it also feels crucial.

Any thoughts anyone please?

This is so sad. I have a serious job but I'm not at all a serious person away from that and my whole family are the same, as is dp.

He drives me insane but he's also the funniest person I know. He can turn a mundane event into a hilarious story and that just makes life better. Without that, isn't it all a bit transactional?

Everyone has a different threshold but I could not be with someone who I didn't find funny. I'd quickly wither.

I hope you can find a way forward.

I feel so withered, that is exactly the word. But I feel bloody terrible cause he is not a bad person and I love my kids so much and it's killing me seeing them going to and fro.

I honestly took it for granted that married life would have that, but then I realised it was me injecting the humour and playfulness and by then it was too late.

It just feels like a dead end. It's really getting me down and I cannot see a way, either way people suffer.

The phrase be grateful for what you have or radical acceptance is something I am trying to take on more and more

It’s me again on this one, different user name. We separated and now live together again and it was just dreadful for the kids and with no support, I couldn’t manage.

I feel like such a failure. All I wanted was an occasional smile and giggle. Now I am stuck in a companionship marriage to get through. It makes me so sad that I will never share any joy with a partner, there is no ill feeling, we are cooperating cause we adore the kids so much. But seriously except for the kids how do I keep going.

The isolation I felt being separated was insane. Lived in an isolated place and very few people really understood as no one in a similar position,

I am heartbroken that as a person who so easily smiles and chats that I live with a good man I never have this with, no meal together, no anything. I envisaged some playfulness in my marriage and therefore family life.

I feel so worn by it all, and have now such little faith in myself. God I used to be so strong and determined but I just can’t do it on my own.

How do I make peace with that.