Could you live a life with no laughter in your marriage??

[HelpWendy]

As the title says really.

If there are other pluses is that enough or would it be unbearable eventually?

@Fireflygal

What is your house like when he isn't there?

A lightbulb moment for me was when a family member discussed her husband and said "we were laughing so hard about xyz" that's when I realised I never had those lighter moment with Ex H. However the cause was more sinister than a sense of humour as over time Ex had taken control of family life and we couldn't be ourselves. It was subtle but I think his response or deliberate lack of response to humour made me stop having fun. If there are only two of you in a house and one person doesn't respond to humour then fun dries up.

Do you feel you have changed since being with your dh?

Yes very definitely. I am way more anxious and sort of autopilot like. With of course the occasional outburst of what is going on here!!??

I thought it was my fault, baby blues or that I was just ungrateful (harsh mother issues).

My then I remember noticing a few years ago that when I was in the car on my own with the kids the atmosphere was so different. Now that's fading and my eldest can feel it.

He has said the he recognizes that he is serious but that he does laugh, admittedly he said at other people's remarks and he rarely instigates.

I am so sad that this is my reality and separation/divorce is our only option at this point, it has gone on like this for too long. I am terrified of the future and of life right now.

This is a sad post and in answering your question, no I couldn’t. We have had rocky patches over the years but even then we have been able to laugh regularly. I think laughter is the glue that helps bond couples. We laugh until it hurts most days, sometimes several times. We are silly and relaxed and quirky together, with in jokes and a shared sense of humour. It is one of the things, along with my husband’s kind and gentle manner, that I value most about our relationship. Life can be hard and dull at times, but I think it is essential to laugh and have fun together. You sound nice and deserve more than this

@EssexLioness

This is a sad post and in answering your question, no I couldn’t. We have had rocky patches over the years but even then we have been able to laugh regularly. I think laughter is the glue that helps bond couples. We laugh until it hurts most days, sometimes several times. We are silly and relaxed and quirky together, with in jokes and a shared sense of humour. It is one of the things, along with my husband’s kind and gentle manner, that I value most about our relationship. Life can be hard and dull at times, but I think it is essential to laugh and have fun together. You sound nice and deserve more than this

Thanks x

The funny this is when I read your post, your life is a dream for me, even we everything I do have. I can't imagine that dynamic in reality.

....but it is what I imagined marriage and companionship to be.

Please don’t be terrified. You will be ok. It doesn’t mean either of you are bad people - you would perhaps be more suited to someone with a good sense of humour. We get one short life, and it’s fine to need some laughter and a happy atmosphere to get through it.

I agree with PPs that this is such a sad post. I've never really thought about it before, but the ability to laugh together is almost (but not quite) as important as the ability to have great sex together.

(I suppose I've never thought about it before because I've binned off anyone who I've not had a laugh with on a date. I've just never articulated it to myself like that... I've just said "we didn't click")

I don't think it's always learned from parents - my mum and dad very rarely laughed together, their humour was very mean and at others expense (often at each other, they really shouldn't have been together) So don't worry too much about your dc - as long as they see you laugh with them regularly, they will be OK.

It is really sad. The funny thing is is that sad is often more acceptable or you feel it should be more acceptable and there's no badness. Which explains why we haven't abandoned ship and have been pushing our marriage up a hill.

But looking at your posts, it is clear to me or validating even that it just not sustainable to be sad or have the prospect of sad forever, it kills your spirit.

*as there's no badness

I think it is essential and it is very oppressive to try to live without it. My parents were like this - there was just a fundamental disconnect between them and it was a symptom of lots of other things they didn't have in common. They stayed together for much longer than they should have and were both much happier when they eventually did split.

To put it bluntly, fuck no.
My husband and I plus our child are always laughing. To take that away would leave a huge hole in our lives that would be excruciating.

I've been trying to picture what you mean, the thought of not having fun or laughing with someone (especially someone you spend so much time with) is just alien to me, I'm the kind of person that jokes with the postman or whatever, it's just a natural part of human interaction surely. To literally live with someone, never mind romantically, and just not have that kind of jovial human interaction...it's just unfathomable to me, how can someone be that serious in life?

Oh my God. My life has become so sad. Hoe have I stayed sane.

I adore banter, I have a pretty playful nature. My marriage has killed it. It just is not important to him.

Time to brave up.

I hope that "time to brave up" means time to make a change.

@HelpWendy time to make a change, you deserve to laugh

Thanks both.

Yep brave it and find a new way, and conjure up some optimism ;)

My DH can be serious but we still laugh a lot, usually at stupid little things. I couldn't imagine not laughing.

My DH and I laugh like drains together.

Dreadful comedies - most recently the 1st season of Cuckoo
Dreadful base jokes
Dreadful base swearing

We laugh until our sides hurt at least once a week. I could not live without laughter.

This is very sad. DP and I are going through some problems at the moment but we still laugh sometimes, with each other and (for example) at TV or things we’ve seen and show each other. It’s what makes me think we’re worth saving, to be honest.

@HelpWendy

Thanks both.

Yep brave it and find a new way, and conjure up some optimism ;)

Good luck OP - your instincts IMO are spot on. Laughing in sync with your partner/bantering/being silly is important.

Your needs are important too.

Good luck, op. At least you've recognised the problem and are willing to solve it. That takes guts. You deserve to be happy, we all do.
FWIW, my OH and I don't share the same sense of humour, but we still laugh a lot. We laugh at private jokes, memories we have ( good and bad !) ; he makes me laugh when he's trying to be funny.
My dsis doesn't laugh with her dh. She settled, he provides financially. But they never laugh, it's so sad.

Same here OP. It's soul destroying.

Good luck OP

Laughing together is invaluable. My DS and I howl with laughter. My bf can be hilarious. I've laughed long into the night with friends. I think being funny outweighs alot of the other shit.

No I couldn't. I think laughter can make most situations more bearable and also brings people together

In 2019 myself and my dh had an awful year, close family dying, accidents, problems with kids, job losses and a ceiling collapsed due to a water leak. But we got through it as we really laugh together, sometimes proper, uncontrollable giggles. It makes any situation feel better and means we are really close. I'd go without lots before I chose laughter

Good luck op