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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I went to the police.

36 replies

iLTB · 15/06/2021 10:22

I am sitting with my little girl watching mr tumble and go from feeling joyous and free to absolutely devastated that my marriage is over.

After months of bullying and verbal abuse yesterday he started up again and was behaving like things were going to get physical.

He was arrested last night. The police are applying for an order to keep him away for 28 days.

I didn't think I would ever have the balls and nor did he. My heart hurts

OP posts:

JorisBonson · 15/06/2021 10:25

And you do have the balls. Well done OP xx

SameToo · 15/06/2021 10:29

Congratulations! I wish you happiness xx

ThePontiacBandit · 15/06/2021 10:30

Well done OP! Hold on to the joyous feelings. The disappointment that the marriage is over is natural, but in time you will comes to terms with that and realise that’s it down to his behaviour. You and your precious DD deserve to be happy.

MenaiMna · 15/06/2021 10:30

You did the right thing, not only are you safer but your little girl is too. You are strong and smart to do this: be proud x

GoodbyePorpoiseSpit · 15/06/2021 10:31

You are a brave and brilliant person, you’ve taught your DD the most important lesson ever. It may feel small and lonely now but you are wonderful. It will get better.

endofthelinefinally · 15/06/2021 10:59

Well done. Now you need to get legal advice and gather all important and financial paperwork. Contact Women's Aid asap and they will help you.

HollowTalk · 15/06/2021 11:03

That's taken such strength - you should be really proud of yourself.

mummymeister · 15/06/2021 11:04

Your marriage was over the first time he verbally abused and bullied you. You know that really, deep down. You are mourning the loss of what you thought your marriage was going to be not what it actually was. and you need time to do that. then you can start planning for a fantastic future without him. good luck.

frazzledasarock · 15/06/2021 11:06

Apply for a non molestation order whilst he is under a police order that will usually last a year with the option of extending it.

Spied · 15/06/2021 11:07

Well done you. You've set yourself and your little one on the road to peace and happiness despite things feeling scary at the moment ( although not as scary as living with a horrible bully am sure).
Things are bound 5o feel strange and different but it's a good strange and different.

Misty7 · 15/06/2021 13:08

You are incredibly strong! Well done for stepping out to protect yourself and your little girl. Contact www.ncdv.org.uk they are a national domestic violence charity that supports legal procedures and injunctions. Also women’s aid and many other charities and support services out there.

tenlittlecygnets · 15/06/2021 13:13

Your marriage was over the day your ex turned abusive. He only has himself to blame. Well done. You do have the balls.

RandomMess · 15/06/2021 13:19

Biblionerd · 15/06/2021 13:24

You wonderful brilliant woman. Of course you're grieving the end of the marriage because when you get married it is with hope, trust and happiness, and your grief signals the end of that hope. Be very proud of the strength you've shown in protecting yourself and your little one! You're pretty badass!!

Emimummy · 15/06/2021 13:57

You've done exactly what a mother should do to protect their child, you should be proud of how brave you are

GremlinDolphin4 · 15/06/2021 17:23

Well done!

Keep going, I’ve been there, it’s hard and it’s sad but not as sad as putting up with that behaviour. You and your child will get happiness back. Xx

callmemaybee · 15/06/2021 17:25

Congratulations for protecting yourself and your daughter

You did nothing wrong - his actions have consequences which are his own fault. You have to put your child first and not allow her to be subject to abuse (which includes witnessing it)

I grew up in an abusive household with constant floor-shaking arguments, threats of divorce, threats of police, physical violence, holes punched in doors etc and I wish my mum had the balls to do what you did

billy1966 · 15/06/2021 19:44

👏👏👏

redastherose · 15/06/2021 19:57

Well done, you've don't the right thing. Abuse in any form means that your marriage was over anyway. Just remember he did this not you.

Shisham · 15/06/2021 20:01

I done the same and never looked back, well done you

GertietheGherkin · 15/06/2021 20:14

Well done!
You will go through a whole range of emotions over the next few days/ weeks... You'll range from relief, regret, sadness, loneliness, desolation and anger... That is natural.. You're starting a whole new chapter in life without him. As hard as it is, and as much as it hurts, try and stay strong.
I know it's all overwhelming at the moment, and you need to sit and weigh up if you feel in your heart and mind that your relationship is over.. Only you can make this decision. If it is, then you're going to have to get the legalities sorted.
Whilst there's a recorded offence lodged with the Police over this, you need to get a Solicitor sorted. Apply for a Non- Molestation Order. Also whilst he's out of the house, gather all of the paperwork relating to savings ( do you share a bank account? Move swiftly on this!!!) Any tenancy, mortgage related paperwork.
I know it sounds very cold and calculated, but sadly there's no room for sentiment in cases of DV...
Get yourself in touch with Women's Aid, they are amazing, and will be able to formulate a clear and constructive plan of action... Also if you feel too frightened to stay in your home until certain Orders in place they can help with a temporary Refuge placement. They will also be able to recommend a Solicitor and with advice on moving forward.
I wish you and your little girl the very best of luck. Keep strong, life is so much happier on the other side of where you are right now. Big hugs xx

Onthedunes · 15/06/2021 20:37

You did the right thing.

GalaxyGirl24 · 15/06/2021 21:19

By doing this you've set a precedent for your little girl not to tolerate abuse from future partners. Well done OP and sending hugs because it must have been hard 💐 wishing you all the best

trevthecat · 15/06/2021 21:28

I remember the day I did what you have just done. First day of the rest of my life. You are amazing. Don't ever forget that

Original poster

iLTB · 15/06/2021 23:57

I can't thank you all enough for your replies.

I am in shock have barely eaten or slept. The police came to take my statement I'm just shattered. My daughter seems okay but she knows something is wrong the hardest bit is probably gonna be telling people what's happened I just feel so embarrassing the police were outside the house all day just my neighbours no one could hear because of social distancing and leaving the windows open and I just feel so embarrassed but I know I did the right thing thank you so much for your replies you've helped so much. I'll look at all the paperwork and tomorrow and think about UC and solicitor didn't think of any of that stuff so need to get on it thank you

OP posts:

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