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Original poster

Was I being controlling?

53 replies

AmIControlling · 15/06/2021 09:45

DS is unwell today , meant to go to nursery but they wouldn't take him. DH said he would call into work and say he couldn't go in, I have an important meeting today for two hours this morning remotely but could watch DS for the rest of the day as my other work can be completed this evening or can be easily rearranged. So this is what I suggested. We live around a mile from his office.
To complicate things further we work in the same industry but I am more senior, his manager is my level. He is in a senior practioner role so he needs to be in the office for his appointments this afternoon (6). Apparently me suggesting this compromise is controlling, he just wants to take the whole day off because I'm so busy. My feeling is he just wants the day off work, he has a heavy caseload. We've not long gone back after annual leave. So am I being controlling?

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 15/06/2021 09:48

What’s wrong with him calling in sick or having a day off?

username0489 · 15/06/2021 09:48

Just let him take the day off, I don't understand all this fuss.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 15/06/2021 09:49

It would make sense to me for one person to do all the childcare for the day rather than someone trying to split the childcare. I also do think it's a bit controlling of you to say "he needs to be in his office for his appointments this afternoon". Surely thats for him to decide.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 15/06/2021 09:50

What’s wrong with him calling in sick

It's a lie, thats whats wrong with it! He can tell the truth, that he's looking after his sick son.

Lazypuppy · 15/06/2021 09:51

You're overcomplicating it, just let him take the day off

MaMaD1990 · 15/06/2021 09:52

It's his decision, just leave him to it.

JorisBonson · 15/06/2021 09:54

Who cares if he wants a day off work?

idontlikealdi · 15/06/2021 09:54

It's his decision, he can take the day off.

SleepingStandingUp · 15/06/2021 09:55

It seems a reasonable compromise if you both have important meetings but o wonder if it's more being told what to do because you're more senior so see it as your obligation to make sure he does as you'd expect your staff to do?

Moonshine11 · 15/06/2021 09:55

Why you so bothered about him taking a day off?
He can look after DS and you can crack on with work.
I would rather that tbh

Bufferingkisses · 15/06/2021 09:59

What uou suggested makes sense as you get to do your immovable but and he doesn't have to cancel his clinical duties which I'm sure his patients will appreciate!

In those sorts of jobs you have to try and find work around where you can. You were not being controlling. He just wants to justify a day off Hmm

Original poster
AmIControlling · 15/06/2021 12:48

Because he took a day recently when he wasn't really ill after the bank holiday , one more in the next twelve months and he hits the trigger for capability. I also have to listen to him complain about how much work he has on a regular basis. I also genuinely care about the service users whose appointments would be cancelled.

OP posts:
Original poster
AmIControlling · 15/06/2021 12:52

Also his manager messaged me this morning and offered to cover anything I needed this afternoon so he could make his clinical appointments, when in reality I don't need cover I can rearrange my work. I'm not lying to my colleague.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 15/06/2021 12:54

You’re not his boss though. He’s a grown up. You can’t interfere if he wants to call a sickie.

Original poster
AmIControlling · 15/06/2021 12:58

It's challenging because I am responsible for the overall performance of the team he is part of, so when his clients haven't been seen it's me who has to justify it. Also I'm not lying so he can pull another sickie

OP posts:
LuvMyBubbles · 15/06/2021 13:01

I don't think so. I work in an industry where spots would be canceled when someone is sick. Chucking a sickie would piss me off when others have offered a solution.
Is he jealous of you ?

Brabrabra11 · 15/06/2021 13:01

@AmIControlling surely it’s his decision. I don’t think it’s controlling to have a different view to him, but just leave him to what he decides...if he cancels his appointments that’s not your concern. Making it your concern seems very patrons.

Brabrabra11 · 15/06/2021 13:02

Very patronising! *

MadeForThis · 15/06/2021 13:02

It might be controlling but he sounds like he is being lazy this afternoon and potentially jeopardising his job.

It is possible for him to return to work this afternoon. He's choosing to take that time off too. He's letting people at work down. You need to lie to his manager.

I don't see why it's bad to point that out.

Topseyt · 15/06/2021 13:02

If you mean that he shouldn't say that he is sick when he isn't then I agree with you. If he pushes his luck with that then it obviously could place you in a very awkward position. He shouldn't do that and I would have something to say about it.

If he wants to take another day's annual leave or parental leave to look after DS then I would have no issue with that at all and would let him get on with it.

AdelindSchade · 15/06/2021 13:03

This is why I'm glad I'm not married to a colleague or someone in the same field. I get where you are coming from OP. He is taking the piss and I wouldn't be impressed with it either.

Original poster
AmIControlling · 15/06/2021 13:04

@Brabrabra11 so what should I have said to his manager who offered to cover my work this afternoon so he could fulfill his clinical appointments? And what should I say at the next performance meeting when I am asked why timescales were not met for the people he is due to see today? If we didn't work together I'd think he was lazy but wouldn't really care, but him pulling unnecessary sickies does impact on me professionally

OP posts:
Original poster
AmIControlling · 15/06/2021 13:06

As it turned out he stropped off to work in a huff this morning, leaving me to look after DS all day and attend my meeting, luckily my senior is understanding so didn't mind when DS popped in to ask for a snack

OP posts:
Brabrabra11 · 15/06/2021 13:07

@AmIControlling sorry, I didn’t realise you worked for the same company/same place. I thought you meant you were in the same industry. I agree with you then, he’s putting you in a very awkward position.

Bufferingkisses · 15/06/2021 13:17

Given that he stropped off leaving you holding the baby and is quite happy to put you in an awkward situation at work I would be seriously considering if you should be working together in the way you are.

If he is the type to pull a sickie or whatever that is up to him but it needs not to impact you professionally as it puts you in a really awkward position.