I’ve messed up and I’m lost

[Sweetpea82]

Please don’t judge me, I just need people to help me! Long story. I’ve been married 19 years I’m 35 been with my hubby since 16. I love him dearly but we have grown apart just different people.
We have to lovely kids.

My hubby has always been one of those guys who has to be texting a women. In fact I’m not sure of a time when he hasn’t. I’ve put up with a lot. When I had my first baby I suffered really bad with PND my hubby whole time spent his time talking to his work wife. It just wore me down. He mum and dad have caused a lot of trouble to the point I haven’t spoke to them in 2 years. He wasn’t helpful at all just let them be awful. He is a good man a fantastic father.

I have worked with this guy for 3 years we have got along from day 1. About 2 year ago he seemed different so I asked him if he was ok and he told me his gf has cheated on him. He was crushed. That evening we confided in our relationship problems and bonded.

After that we just got along more look after and out for each other. Even to the point my hubby was happy I got a work husband lol.
Then when either of us would be on hol he would text me and I started to get feelings for him.

After about 6 months and the first week of COVID we kissed and made love. Since then we have been having an affair.

Before this I’d already spoke to my husband about not seeing a future and problems etc.

Racked with guilt I came clean and told him. We decided to separate live as co parents rather than be a couple.

I’m so stuck. “Mark” my affair has planned to move in with me planned to be together tried ending it with his gf but she throws things back at him. Doesn’t see what she did wrong.

She found out about us 6 month ago. But he hasn’t stopped the affair. He told her he loves me was very honest.

He wants to be with me I genuinely Believe him. He’s a few years younger. No kids no ties.

I’m married with two kids. ( I’m awful I know)

Now he can’t leave his gf saying every tome he ends it she throws back every thing she has done for him.

He has been honest said he can’t see a way out. But he wants me.

We have argued so much lately because it’s so painful. I keep trying to end it not because I want to but because it’s awful. But I love him so much the chemistry connection every thing.

I’m struggling so bad I suffer with ocd and anxiety I’ve had to pay for private councilling to get me through this.

Will this guilt ever pass and he have the courage to leave her or is he playing me for a fool.

I know what I’m doing is rubbish. When I first went in to this I thought do u know what I’m doing something for my self. Sick of being walked all over. Now I’m madly in love and in an even worse situation.

Any body offer advice any thing ? Similar experiences

I don’t even buy that she was cheating on him in the first place!

He won’t leave his girlfriend

Mark is not the good guy here . I don’t sleep with my wife anymore - says every man ever that cheats on her . I highly doubt he ever had plans on moving in with you , but he play along to keep you invested .
If you were to win this knob of a man , his he is treating his wife will be the exact same way he will treat you in the future . If he was an honest decent man he would have ended his marriage before starting a relationship with anyone else, as well as not embarking on an affair with someone else who is married .
Of course he’s upset when you try to end it . It win win for him , his wife at home while sex with you as and when he wants it . He’s got it all , you have nothing except lie upon lie .
Your DH sounds horrible too , constantly texting other women , that will have had a big impact on your self esteem .
Do what you need to do in able to move on without your DH , but finish it with Mark, he’s not your friend and he doesn’t have your best interests at heart . Work at building your self esteem and confidence , and move forward without either of these selfish and worthless men in your life
Be prepared for Mark to come out with the usual rubbish when you end it , just remember that’s what it is , self serving , manipulative rubbish . Walk away and don’t look back

I'm a year down the line from my "mark" god how I thought I loved that man, the connection was fire in every way, he also had no children said the same things can't leave because of her illness he hated her couldn't stand his life but wouldn't and a year down the line still hasn't left so I guess he does actually love her.

I went NC it was the worst grief ever maybe you think am being melodramatic and yes I dissevered all the pain I went through I was a cheater something I never thought I'd be untill he walked in to my life.

Do I still miss him yes but I miss the version of him that gave me the good morning beautiful and made me feel like I could take on the world.

You'll have to give yourself a lot of time to get over this, I still don't trust my choices but I do know am better off with out him and his wife in the back ground.

My H doesn't know about my other man thinks I had a nervous breakdown while getting over my heartbreak (I am the shittest person I know), I'm still emotionally detached from my H can't let him get close, we didn't have the best relationship before but we're working on things we're friends but I can't show him affection he's hurting and am trying but it's that I don't believe I can trust myself to make the correct decisions for my own life,

Mark was amazing but he really messed me up, still now I think of him but then I remember the times he booked a fancy birthday weekend for a woman he claimed to hate and I think I did the right thing.

Stay strong good luck

Mark doesn't sound like a catch to me.
He's clearly lazy and useless if he has people do everything for him
That will soon make him very time to you.
My advice is as many others have said get rid of him. He isn't going to leave his GF especially when you're living with your DH
He sounds a worse option than where you are now.
Concentrate on you and leaving your DH if that's what you want but Mark is a waste of time

Ah I just read Marks got a girlfriend not a wife.
Meh , changes nothing . He’s still cheating on her and lying to you . You can do so much better than him . X

I think this could easily have been 'out of the pan and into the fire' OP. You were looking for Mark to save you and so were blind to his lies, you saw what you wanted to see.
Go build your own happy life with your kids, you are not in the right place for a relationship right now, work on your self esteem and loving yourself for a while.