Back story: Married 17 years, 2 DS 11 & 14. I want to separate from H. I've met a bloke, we are just friends though for the moment. I don't want this thread to be about meeting another bloke while I'm still married. The OM is single, grown up kids, very good job.
Before meeting OM I was content (to an extent) in my life and happy to bumble along, but knew I wanted to leave H. Leaving is complicated by lots of reasons but nevertheless I was content at staying for the time being. Its a case of it's not bad enough to leave but not good enough to stay.
Since meeting the OM I have become extremely restless with my life.
OM lives a great single life. Loads of mates - male and female. Going out when he wants as no ties. Having who he wants over at his house. Loads going on in his life. No one to answer to. I am scraping the barrel for mates in terms of number of friends - I love the friends I have but they are very very few. I can't go out when I want as don't have the friends to just say ''anyone want to meet up today'', it all has to be planned. Plus friends have kids too so cant just go out whenever they feel like it. Today I have spent the day in the garden in the sun alone. Kids wanted to play xbox. I was so bored. No where to go, nothing to do, no one to do it with (me and H live very separate lives, but in the same house, which is one of the reasons for me wanting to separate. I'm not interested in trying to make it work). I thought of OM at the pub watching the footie, with his mates, he will probably stay there till late tonight while I'm in my house cooking dinner, tidying up, sorting uniforms/washing and then bed. How boring. I used to be content doing this stuff and take fulfilment in having my house in order/tidy/organised/stocked kitchen of food. I don't feel that fulfilment any more.
I feel like I'm stuck in the house, tied to it just to sort the house and kids out. Yes I do go out with friends but I feel as if there is not enough going on generally in my life. If I separate (I'm gutless at the moment to do it and am worried about the effect on the kids and selling their family home and the huge leap I would be taking) then I will get more time to myself when H has the kids but I cant afford to buy a house on my own and I cannot stay in the house we have, it would need to be sold. So financially I would be screwed. I would need to use my equity from the sale of the house to put towards topping up the rent for a house each month as otherwise it would use most of my salary.
To sum all this up - I'm bored being at home. It's like I cant stay in for fear of missing out. I don't have enough going on in my life (despite the fact I work every day (from home) and have the house/life admin/kids to sort). However, I was ok with it all until I met OM and was then instantly envious of his carefree life with loads going on. I feel unfulfilled and meeting the OM has made me see that. I rely on H for his income/the house and life we have (our house and lifestyle are jointly on a par with OM's) and company (as in general company in the house, another adult just being around, although we do nothing together. The kids are on their phones/PCs/Xbox and at an age where they don't want to do anything with me).
I feel so very lost in life and have lost interest in everything I used to find contentment with, even if it was tidying/sorting/early night with a good film/book after a long soak in the bath. I'm extremely restless, unfullfilled and discontented with everything - am I having a mid life crisis ?
Blimey, that went on for longer than planned ! well done if you managed to reach the end !