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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

DP broke my belongings

41 replies

NavyTeal · 12/06/2021 13:53

Last night I was in the loo when I heard a bang and DP swear. When I came out nothing was said and we went to bed like normal.

This morning I’ve got up and found that DP has either kicked/ thrown a shoe rack I recently got and smashed one of the wooden rails on it. He has never broken anything on purpose before. He is at work today but I text him to ask why and he said it was ‘in the way’. It has been in the living room for a couple of days, I need to find a proper home for it.

We do have an ongoing bicker/ disagreement as he likes the house to be immaculate and I am not a naturally tidy person. He is, and is the type to have a place for everything. Puts things away as soon as he’s finished with them. The house is still clean and it’s not messy in an extreme way, but there can be general clutter on the dining table, shoes on the floor etc.

On realising what he’s done, I burst in to tears and have felt really low since. He has said he will fix it but that’s not the point really, it wasn’t broken and now it is because of his actions.

I feel like I don’t want him here tonight but am already very emotional and anxious due to some bad news I’ve had about my health. Am I overreacting to be so upset and not want him around?

OP posts:

Howshouldibehave · 12/06/2021 13:55

That’s a horrible thing to do :(

I feel like I don’t want him here tonight

Do you live together? Whose house is it?

Insignificantintheschemeofthin · 12/06/2021 13:57

You are not overreacting.

user1471538283 · 12/06/2021 13:58

That is horrible. Is it your home? If so I would end things.

Original poster

NavyTeal · 12/06/2021 13:58

Yes we live together but it is my house.

OP posts:

JustbackfromBangkok · 12/06/2021 14:00

Red flags. Lots. He has got comfortable and is showing his true colours.

tornadosequins · 12/06/2021 14:00

You are not overreacting. I think he needs to become an ex.

VettiyaIruken · 12/06/2021 14:00

He should buy a new one. A bodge job on something he stomped on in a tantrum is not good enough.

If it's your house and you don't want him in it right now then tell him to sleep elsewhere tonight.

Nuggetnugget · 12/06/2021 14:02

Showing his true personality here. He has a temper.

Howshouldibehave · 12/06/2021 14:03

I think he needs to find his own place to live and he can stay there breaking his own possessions.

HollowTalk · 12/06/2021 14:05

Thank god it's your house. I'd tell him not to come home today. How dare he come to live in your house and tell you how it should look and break your belongings - he needs to go.

TotheletterofthelawTHELETTER · 12/06/2021 14:06

Firstly I think you need to find out whether he deliberately damaged or or whether it was in the way, he didn’t see it and walked into it causing it to break.
I’m quite messy/untidy and I have stood on/walked into things before.
If it was deliberate then it’d be a massive red flag, if he’s tripped over it on the way to bed much less so

SirVixofVixHall · 12/06/2021 14:09

Horrible OP. And a big red flag for escalation.

Bluntness100 · 12/06/2021 14:10

That’s not normal behaviour. Not remotely normal. I’d be very worried to be with someone who did something like this.

StellaAndCrow · 12/06/2021 14:15

It's great that it's your house. My partner and I live separately because I need to be able to get away from him when he's stressed. If this is the "only" issue, you could try living apart. Though as one of my colleagues said to me "maybe find someone you can live with".

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 12/06/2021 14:17

I am concerned that he is imposing his lifestyle onto you in your own house. Sorry but he has no right. I'd ask him to move out and he can live how he wants in his own place even if you decide to continue the relationship.
It sounds like he has little respect for you or your things.
I like my house immaculate too but it's my own house, i would never impose that on someone else.

LawnFever · 12/06/2021 14:19

How did you come to the conclusion he’d done it deliberately, did he tell you that? You heard him shout and a crash, isn’t it more likely he tripped over it if, as you’ve said it wasn’t in a permanent place?

I’m not excusing this if he has deliberately broken it, I’m just wanting to understand how you’ve come to that conclusion?

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 12/06/2021 14:19

Did you move on together for financial reasons or was it as a kind of trial marriage? If it's a trial marriage then it's clearly failed.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 12/06/2021 14:22

He is imposing his lifestyle into you and he broke this because it was in the way.

Time for this relationship to be at an end. He is neither respectful of you or your possessions

WildfirePonie · 12/06/2021 14:23

Change the locks, tell him not to come back. How dare he!

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 12/06/2021 14:31

You can live how you want to live in your house. He does not get to break things in your house just because.

If it was an accident he should have said so.

The important thing for me is if the word ‘sorry’ was uttered in his explanation.

A man who will not ever say sorry will make you sorry you chose to be with him.

If all you got was a dismissive ‘it was in the way’, I’d be asking him to stay away tonight. If not forever.

MintyMabel · 12/06/2021 14:47

Red flags. Lots. He has got comfortable and is showing his true colours.

Or, after years of trying to let it go, his frustration at tripping over stuff left lying about got the better of him.

The house is still clean and it’s not messy in an extreme way, but there can be general clutter on the dining table, shoes on the floor etc

I’m not a neat freak by any stretch of the imagination but this kind of thing is very irritating. How hard is it to put your bloody shoes away?

MintyMabel · 12/06/2021 14:48

Showing his true personality here. He has a temper.

Everyone has a temper to some degree. And it isn’t always a massive problem.

saltncheese · 12/06/2021 14:52

He's in your house?
And he's smashing your things because they are in his space?

HE'S IN YOUR SPACE!

Where's his respect?

Bananalanacake · 12/06/2021 15:02

Does he pay towards mortgage, bills?
Can he move back to where he was before. It sounds like he did this on purpose.

KatySun · 12/06/2021 15:02

The problem, shoe rack aside, is that he is in your house and you are quite different when it comes to tidiness. He likes things immaculate, which - if that is not how you are naturally- is exhausting. As previous posters have said, he is imposing this on you. Your peaceful house has become a place of on-going bickering. So I would be thinking hard about whether I wanted that, before you even get to the broken shoe rack.

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