DP broke my belongings

[NavyTeal]

Last night I was in the loo when I heard a bang and DP swear. When I came out nothing was said and we went to bed like normal.

This morning I’ve got up and found that DP has either kicked/ thrown a shoe rack I recently got and smashed one of the wooden rails on it. He has never broken anything on purpose before. He is at work today but I text him to ask why and he said it was ‘in the way’. It has been in the living room for a couple of days, I need to find a proper home for it.

We do have an ongoing bicker/ disagreement as he likes the house to be immaculate and I am not a naturally tidy person. He is, and is the type to have a place for everything. Puts things away as soon as he’s finished with them. The house is still clean and it’s not messy in an extreme way, but there can be general clutter on the dining table, shoes on the floor etc.

On realising what he’s done, I burst in to tears and have felt really low since. He has said he will fix it but that’s not the point really, it wasn’t broken and now it is because of his actions.

I feel like I don’t want him here tonight but am already very emotional and anxious due to some bad news I’ve had about my health. Am I overreacting to be so upset and not want him around?

@JustbackfromBangkok

Red flags. Lots. He has got comfortable and is showing his true colours.

I agree with this. Sorry Op.

@LawnFever

How did you come to the conclusion he’d done it deliberately, did he tell you that? You heard him shout and a crash, isn’t it more likely he tripped over it if, as you’ve said it wasn’t in a permanent place?

I’m not excusing this if he has deliberately broken it, I’m just wanting to understand how you’ve come to that conclusion?

Echo this.

He needs to go. That shit isn't going to get better. He's showing his true colours. Take heed

If he'd accidentally tripped over it he would have said so. The fact he said nothing strongly suggests he did it in a fit of temper.

He's in your house telling you how to keep it? Tell him to find his own!

@TotheletterofthelawTHELETTER

Firstly I think you need to find out whether he deliberately damaged or or whether it was in the way, he didn’t see it and walked into it causing it to break. I’m quite messy/untidy and I have stood on/walked into things before. If it was deliberate then it’d be a massive red flag, if he’s tripped over it on the way to bed much less so

But surely anyone decent would own up and apologise if they’d broken it by accident?

My friend’s ex started by breaking stuff in a temper. It wasn’t long before it was her being punched and kicked rather than her stuff. Please think very carefully about how you progress.

Thank god it's your house. He can collect his things outside the door after he gets off work.

Do not minimise what he's done, regardless of what any other pp have said. You are seeing his true colours, and breaking things out of anger is not in any way acceptable. He will only get worse. Get rid of him.

I think he tripped - that fits with you hearing him swear. However he may then have kicked it in a temper, causing it to break.

Did he say sorry? Like a proper apology. Not a sorry-not-sorry.

I think this is certainly a sign that living together will not work. I'm by no means a clean freak but I would get very irritated by you leaving things lying around. I'm sure you find him (and would find me!) stifling and regimented. It sounds like he needs to move out. Whether you continue the relationship or not is up to you. If it worked well before cohabiting then maybe it's worth trying?

Breaking things on purpose is a warning sign for Domestic Violence. You are not unreasonable to want to have some time alone away from him.

@NavyTeal

He is at work today but I text him to ask why and he said it was ‘in the way’

And that's all he said ? No apology ? No saying 'I'll buy you a replacement asap'?

He sounds like the type of guy who will never be able to see anyone else's point of view, or be considerate of other peoples belongings tbh.

The way you describe the 'constant bickering' isn't healthy or fun either, is it ?

He is not the guy for you I'm afraid. You're easy going and laid back, with a house that matches your personality.

He is a regimented, strict and unforgiving person, who sees destroying your things as perfectly OK, because they were 'in his way'

You're better off cutting your losses with this selfish, arrogant loser, and avoid becoming his personal 'punchbag' whenever life isn't going his way !

Or, after years of trying to let it go, his frustration at tripping over stuff left lying about got the better of him.

@MintyMabel So someone breaking someone's stuff because they get a bit annoyed at clutter is ok with you?

Plus it's a shoe rack, it'll actually be making the place tidier in theory.

He broke something once and it may not even have been deliberate, and people are encouraging OP to change the locks?? Christ on a bike.

Of course he should apologise and replace the shoe rack, but if this is a one off then please don't listen to some of the batshit posters on this thread!

@KurtWilde

He broke something once and it may not even have been deliberate, and people are encouraging OP to change the locks?? Christ on a bike.

Of course he should apologise and replace the shoe rack, but if this is a one off then please don't listen to some of the batshit posters on this thread!

I agree, some people are jumping to some huge assumptions here, since the OP hasn’t even confirmed whether he did it on purpose!

To me it sounds like it was left in the middle of the floor, he tripped/stood on it because it was in the way and it broke and yeah maybe kicked it after having tripped but more in a ‘ouch that hurt/stubbed my toe bloody thing’ kind of way.

I’m not excusing people who do smash stuff on purpose but nobody knows that’s what has happened here

I may have jumped to conclusions a bit.

The bit that troubles me is that she was upset and cried and felt low. Not something that to me would ordinarily happen after an accident. Or even if he hoofed it out of rage.

Her reaction would suggest to me that there is a bit more to this.

She shouldn’t have to feel like that in her own house. And if that means turfing him out for the night or suggesting he gets his own place to live how he wants, then fair doos.

I'm not excusing people who smash stuff up either, but I'm pretty certain a lot of us will have broken something belonging to someone else over the years. Obviously it's what you do next that makes the difference. An apology for starters.

OP,
If it was an accident, he would have said so.
That's quite the temper he has on him.

He's giving you shit, about your stuff in your house.

Your reaction is because something isn't right.

Text him and tell him to collect some things and stay elsewhere.

He is not making you happy.
This doesn't sound like an isolated incident.
The breaking your stuff might be a first time but giving you shit isn't.

Be very careful OP.
Can you reach out for support from family and friends?