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Original poster

Dont want sex with fwb anymore

27 replies

Thechangesofnames · 10/06/2021 18:37

Ive been single for 7 months now. Got 3 kids and I was happy at being single, no sex, no fuss just me and my kids.

I got chatting to a friend who ive known for a while, told him ive gone off men and not looking for another relationship. He said hes happy single also, just misses a cuddle in the evenings.
He came round to mine to help with a home emergency and left, he invited me to his one weekend and I ended up staying the night. Since then he comes over a couple nights a week after the kids have gone to bed, we watch a film and he goes...we cuddle up on couch and on a couple of occasions we have had sex. We have been sort of fwb for about 3 months. We both made it clear from the off we are happy single and wont be taking it further. We message everyday and we have been on a couple of walks together. Hes a gent and doesnt expect sex at all.

However, I dont want to have it at all with him or anyone for that matter. Hes a nice friend, but im not sexually attracted to him, so why am i having sex with him??! It makes me feel dirty thinking about it like that. But I dont know what or how to tell him. Hes lovely and had helped me with certain things loads but I just feel il be throwing all that in his face if I 'end things'

OP posts:
bigbaggyeyes · 10/06/2021 18:46

Just text him, a simple 'I've really enjoyed spending time with you Dave, but I don't want to have sex any more, it's nothing personal, I don't want sex with anyone'

LoopTheLoops · 10/06/2021 18:48

Just stop letting him come round, he will soon get the message

Redland12 · 10/06/2021 18:51

I have several FWB’s but we do not text every day, in fact we only text when one of us wants sex. We don’t go on walks either, or watch films together. it’s solely sex. Sounds a little more than FWB’s. If you don’t find him sexually attractive it’s no good. He sounds like a nice person how you’ve described him so just have the talk with him. I’m sure he’ll understand. Ask him if you can still be friends but without the sex.

ConstanceMarkievicz · 10/06/2021 18:53

I wouldnt even bother telling him it's not personal.

Just say the arrangement is not what you want any more

Original poster
Thechangesofnames · 10/06/2021 18:56

Thanks all for your advice. He is a lovely person just no attraction there, I thought it may come once we dtd but nope. It is a bit more than just fwb, I want the friends bit, just without the benefits Blush

OP posts:
Redland12 · 10/06/2021 19:10

No good without attraction. It’s a shame but if it’s not there it’s not there. If it was me I would be having that discussion with him. He needs to know where he stands. He could secretly be wanting more.

CallMeCleo · 10/06/2021 19:14

I don't think you need to hurt his feelings by saying you don't fancy him.

Maybe sit down with him and say that you don't want to have sex any more with anyone, and it's nothing personal, and hopefully you can salvage the friendship. If you are still up for a cuddle add that, too.

category12 · 10/06/2021 19:22

Just say "hey [chap], I've realised I'm not in the right headspace for a sexual relationship. I hope we can still be friends."

Naunet · 10/06/2021 21:07

@Redland12

I have several FWB’s but we do not text every day, in fact we only text when one of us wants sex. We don’t go on walks either, or watch films together. it’s solely sex. Sounds a little more than FWB’s. If you don’t find him sexually attractive it’s no good. He sounds like a nice person how you’ve described him so just have the talk with him. I’m sure he’ll understand. Ask him if you can still be friends but without the sex.
That’s just hook ups then, not FWB. FWB is meant to mean both friendship AND sex without the commitment of a relationship.

Having said that, I agree that this does sound more intense than a casual FWB situation. You’ve nothing to feel bad about OP, you don’t owe anyone sex, no matter how nice they are to you.

LoopTheLoops · 10/06/2021 21:26

Agree with Naunet The situation pp described is called a f*ck buddy, totally different from fwb where there is some actual friendship (just no committed like a relationship)

CarnationCat · 10/06/2021 21:30

I would tell him you don't want sex anymore but would like to still be close friends. Tell him by text or in person.

Will be interesting to see if he's happy with being friends still. I'm not saying he won't be, I'm just skeptical from my own experiences, that's all.

FuckItAllOffRightNow · 10/06/2021 21:47

@Thechangesofnames

Thanks all for your advice. He is a lovely person just no attraction there, I thought it may come once we dtd but nope. It is a bit more than just fwb, I want the friends bit, just without the benefits Blush
It doesn't sound like more than fwb. That's exactly what it sound like.

Texting only to arrange sex is fuck buddy territory. Fwb is friendship. You should be able to end WB part and keep the F if that's all it was for both of you.

CorianderBee · 10/06/2021 21:50

Well that's the good thing about FWB.

'Hey Nate, I've been thinking and I think I'd like to take our FWB thing back to just mates. It was fun but I'm just not feeling a sexual relationship right now and would rather we went back to platonic. Cool?'

Original poster
Thechangesofnames · 10/06/2021 21:58

We never labelled it as anything, just sort of happened one day...but im getting the impression he wants more and I wish so bad I found him attractive but I dont and I dont want to string him along.

Thanks for all your comments Smile

OP posts:
copperpotsalot · 10/06/2021 22:09

Yeah this is fwb rather than FB which pp described where you just call up for sex.

Be attempted a couple of FWBs arrangements and they've never worked.

We don't know that this guy actually wants any more than what you have. But you want less.

Are you somehow feeling beholden to him because of the DIY jobs? Feeling like you can't say no to sex because you're getting all the other benefits of a relationship?

Because you're really not, if he's a friend he should be okay with doing all those things and not expecting sex in return.

I agree with others you need to text and tell him you don't want sex to be part of your relationship

Bellbottomstovetop · 10/06/2021 22:14

I think if the sex ends, then it's going to spell the end of the friendship. But please do not keep having sex with him just to keep him as a friend. It does sound very intense and like one of you is pushing for a relationship.

I think you need to take a step back, tell him you don't want sex anymore and cool the contact off for a while. He should take the hint.

Sakurami · 10/06/2021 22:24

Just tell him you just want to be friends nothing more

RAOK · 10/06/2021 22:31

You are overthinking it just tell him. I was in a similar situation and it’s fine, we’re still just friends now.

StarlightLady · 11/06/2021 05:03

I think you need to set out to him exactly what you said in your original post.

But please don’t “feel dirty” about anything. There has been nothing dirty in this.

PicsInRed · 11/06/2021 07:16

He sounds like this guy:
xkcd.com/513/

Don't be manipulated into a relationship or any further sex with him.

copperpotsalot · 11/06/2021 07:20

@PicsInRed

He sounds like this guy: xkcd.com/513/

Don't be manipulated into a relationship or any further sex with him.

Brilliant!
custardbear · 11/06/2021 07:45

Remain as you are, if he mentions sex etc just say no thanks

Chimen · 11/06/2021 07:56

Was the real rubbish?

Strugglingtodomybest · 11/06/2021 08:01

I just feel il be throwing all that in his face if I 'end things'

Don't overthink it and worry too much. You gave it a try and it's not what you want. That's ok. You are allowed to change your mind and it's not 'throwing it in his face'.

He chose to help you and if he only helped you to get in your pants then he's not very nice is he? If he is nice, then he'll understand that if you don't want to have sex, you don't want to have sex, and he'll be ok with that. Maybe a bit sad, but that's normal and he'll get over it.

Sunnyday321 · 11/06/2021 08:11

I would say you have been thinking about stuff and have decided you value him as a friend only , but understand if he doesn't want the friendship to return to that , that he might decide not to visit as much.

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