DP is a functional Alcoholic

[LondonLife3]

I have known my partner for a few years before we got together, it’s always been known he “likes a beer”.
We have been together now for just over a year and I didn’t really think I can take much more of his drinking.
He has no control over his drinking, he will promise to have a few drinks then he will have some food but he doesn’t his “sessions” go on for over 24 hours.
I really don’t know what to do for the best, we don’t live together and i’m finding I make excuses to be in my own property knowing he will be drinking and keeping me awake all night, I have a very stressful job with huge amounts of responsibility I really can’t cope with his huge week night sessions when I have meetings from 8am - 6pm on a good day!

This is his normal week.. Friday 6pm - Sat 7pm Drinking non stop music going ect
Sunday - sleep all day
Monday - Walk in from work open a can, this session will continue until 3/4pm Tuesday
Wednesday- Sleep/ Day off
Thursday- Maybe a short 3am session

As much as I love him as time goes on I think I’d best walk away.. has anyone got experience with a functional alcohol?

"This is his normal week.. Friday 6pm - Sat 7pm Drinking non stop music going ect
Sunday - sleep all day
Monday - Walk in from work open a can, this session will continue until 3/4pm Tuesday
Wednesday- Sleep/ Day off
Thursday- Maybe a short 3am session"

Don't you go out on dates? How did you meet?

Walk away now, it is not going to get any better and he will only take action if he wants to himself. Can you really see a future with someone like that? You can't cope now and you don't even live together.

Walk away now. You could attend Al-Anon for support. It doesn’t get any better. Only you can decide if that’s the kind of half-life you want. It’s not one I would choose

It sounds as though ending the relationship would be the best course of action for you right now - it will be hard but you deserve someone who will put you first, not a drink.

Yes.

Walk away.

Mine died after I had to divorce him. Don’t get any further embroiled in it.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?.
What do you get out of this?. Are you codependent in relationships?.

You are correct in that you would best walk away here. You absolutely need to get him out of your home and life and asap. The 3cs re alcoholism are that you did not cause it, you cannot control it and you cannot cure it.

His primary relationship is with drink, its not with you and infact never has been with you either. His thoughts centre around drink and where the next drink is going to come from.

He is not the man you thought he was. What made you at all start a relationship with someone like him and where its always been known that he "liked a beer"?. Did you think you could perhaps rescue and or save him?.

Absolutely 💯 run as fast as you can. Is this really what you want for your future? You might love him but you need to love yourself here!

When does he work?
Alcoholics are selfish bores.

Walk away. He'll soon be a non-functioning alcoholic and you can't help him. He's worse than my late husband was. Put yourself first.

Don't put yourself through this. My parent is a functioning alcoholic and has been for many years, it doesn't get better from my experience.

I don't agree with the comment that alcoholics are selfish bores as my parent works 5 days a week 9-5, they struggle with past issues which had lead to their drinking.

@AttilaTheMeerkat I don’t think I realised how bad his drinking was at first.. well actually he was off work as he does contract work.. I assumed when he went back to work the weeknights would stop but they haven’t the client has cut his latest one short and I know it’s likely because his boss has clocked his drinking

I would assume his employer has noticed.

This man could well go onto lose everything and everyone around him and he could still choose to drink afterwards. You do not have to saddle your wagon to this man.

Suggest Alcoholics Anonymous.

Get a book on codependency for yourself.

And take good care (of yourself).

Please leave. This will never change.

Don't move in with him.

We work in a similar industry and I try and avoid him going anyware that will ask me as I know he would let the client down and it will look bad on me

@Bananalanacake There’s no way I could move in! I’d be exhausted

He sounds barely functional. You're only a year in? Definitely walk away now. Please don't sacrifice your own wellbeing for his addiction.

Of course you walk away. Alcohol is his love I'm afraid,not you.

Does he work? How does that schedule work with holding down a job / being functional?

You’re incompatible. It sounds like a rubbish relationship. Why are you still together?

DP and I are probably functional alcoholics, by the narrowest definition of the term. The point of being a functional alcoholic is that it doesn’t impact on your work, your day to day life, or your relationships. If it does, that isn’t functional alcoholism - it’s just alcoholism. Your boyfriend just sounds like an alcoholic with problematic drinking.

I feel sorry for him but my advice would be to walk away. Do not tether yourself, via marriage or kids, to an alcoholic. It would be a miserable life.

You are never going to be a priority OP. He drank most of the weekend and slept the rest of it.

And he has no respect for your working hours.

Its only been a year. I would seriously consider walking away.

Perhaps you walking away may prompt him to realise he has a problem. It is waaay more than 'likes a beer' by the sounds of it.

I walked away from a 18 month relationship for similar issues. It got worse as time went on, but until around a year in he was quite 'well behaved' in terms of drinking. But after the honeymoon period and thinking I would never walk away, the real problem was very obvious. It just had to fit into his drinking. Granted I don't drink a lot but do have some if we out. Where we live its normal to 'bring your own' to any event. We would go together and he would say he would arrange the booze to take, there he would have 3 bottles of wine for himself (for one afternoon do) and nothing for me. He was fully aware that I don't drink the wine he liked (very dry) but he had his, so he was sorted. End of. He even did the same when he took him to meet his parents for the first time! All packed and sorted he said. To get there and only had catered for himself.

Why set yourself up for drama OP. Walk away. This won't get better.

He's not really a "functioning alcoholic" if he's missing work and getting contracts cut short.

He's a plain alcoholic. He will drag you down. You need to protect yourself and split up with him.

For your own sake and future please. leave. I married a man whom I knew was a heavy drinker but it was not until we married and I had a babe that the real truth was revealed. I was trapped for about 5 years until he died of drink related cancer. He has left so many bitter memories and I shudder at the thought that he was ever in my life.

He's a massive liability and unable to be a decent partner to you. There's no point OP.