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Original poster

DP is a functional Alcoholic

53 replies

LondonLife3 · 08/06/2021 11:21

I have known my partner for a few years before we got together, it’s always been known he “likes a beer”.
We have been together now for just over a year and I didn’t really think I can take much more of his drinking.
He has no control over his drinking, he will promise to have a few drinks then he will have some food but he doesn’t his “sessions” go on for over 24 hours.
I really don’t know what to do for the best, we don’t live together and i’m finding I make excuses to be in my own property knowing he will be drinking and keeping me awake all night, I have a very stressful job with huge amounts of responsibility I really can’t cope with his huge week night sessions when I have meetings from 8am - 6pm on a good day!

This is his normal week.. Friday 6pm - Sat 7pm Drinking non stop music going ect
Sunday - sleep all day
Monday - Walk in from work open a can, this session will continue until 3/4pm Tuesday
Wednesday- Sleep/ Day off
Thursday- Maybe a short 3am session

As much as I love him as time goes on I think I’d best walk away.. has anyone got experience with a functional alcohol?

OP posts:
Nat6999 · 08/06/2021 12:25

My late dp was a functional alcoholic, he even managed to play professional sport at the same time. But over time his drinking increased & he lost his profession, was arrested several times for drink related offences including drink driving & became violent. He was diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver & within 4 months he died. Sooner or later your husband's health will start failing if he doesn't either reduce or stop drinking, nobody can be a functional alcoholic forever without detriment to their health. If I had my time again I would not put up with living with an alcoholic or inflict it on my child, it will sooner or later have an effect on your physical & mental health as well.

Original poster
LondonLife3 · 08/06/2021 12:26

@isthismylifenow Sounds quite similar! I don’t mind a few drinks but not all thought the night ect

We had a bbq recently that’s really opened my eyes, I couldn’t wait for people to leave as he had been drinking since the night before and I had maybe 2 hours sleep if that after a crazy week at work I could barely function.
I’m really scared of what my family will say, my dads never been much of a drinker

OP posts:
Starlightstarbright1 · 08/06/2021 12:27

It sounds like you would be happier alone.

Nothing you say will change anything.

isthismylifenow · 08/06/2021 12:28

I have to agree with PP. He doesn't sound to be a functional alcoholic. T

Serpenta · 08/06/2021 12:30

I can't imagine you have much of a sex life if he drinks this much. It sounds to me you've already emotionally checked out. That's a good thing.

Original poster
LondonLife3 · 08/06/2021 12:32

He’s probably not as functional as he thinks he is!

OP posts:
isthismylifenow · 08/06/2021 12:38

[quote LondonLife3]@isthismylifenow Sounds quite similar! I don’t mind a few drinks but not all thought the night ect

We had a bbq recently that’s really opened my eyes, I couldn’t wait for people to leave as he had been drinking since the night before and I had maybe 2 hours sleep if that after a crazy week at work I could barely function.
I’m really scared of what my family will say, my dads never been much of a drinker[/quote]
How old is he OP? And does he have children?

I also didn't get this all through the night business. But now I know it is because he just didn't know when to stop.

I kid you not we went out for dinner with another couple. During dinner my exdp managed to put away 32 DOUBLE Johnnie Walker Blacks. (actually the last few were johnny red as he obviously finished what was in the bar, not that he noticed). We left and he carried on drinking at his house. This is not an exaggeration as I kept that bill as I used it to approach him, silly me thinking that speaking to him about it would have any effect at all. It didn't.

How does he treat you when he has been drinking?

starrynight21 · 08/06/2021 12:39

He isn't a "functional alcoholic", he's just an alcoholic.

My DS is a functional alcoholic , he works 5 days a week , very reliable employee , good reputation. Drinks heavily on Wednesday nights, but he is up and fresh as a daisy on Thursday mornings for a 6am start . Then drinks on Friday night and Sunday night . Back to work on Monday morning.

That's what functional alcoholics do, they drink AND they function well . They often have a "schedule" like DS where they drink around their work / home timetable. Your DP just drinks / sleeps all the time . I'd run for the hills .

Original poster
LondonLife3 · 08/06/2021 12:47

@isthismylifenow He’s 44 and no children

OP posts:
Supersimkin2 · 08/06/2021 12:49

Get out.

DianeCherry · 08/06/2021 13:01

There's no future with a man like that. End the relationship now!

takingmytimeonmyride · 08/06/2021 13:01

He's a functional alcoholic at the moment. Till he can't function anymore. My ex was a functional alcoholic. Now he's jobless and had to move in with his son or he'd have been homeless.

I would run, very fast and very far.

PollyDarton1 · 08/06/2021 13:05

I would run very fast and very far. This man doesn't seem to have any functional about it.

copperpotsalot · 08/06/2021 13:09

I'm not sure he's really functioning is he? He's working a 3 day week and doing no childcare... where's the function?

copperpotsalot · 08/06/2021 13:10

Re the 24 hour drinking, are you sure drugs aren't involved? Seems odd to me

RestingPandaFace · 08/06/2021 13:17

You deserve to be with someone who is available to you 100%.

This guys first love is the drink and it will always be his priority. He will drag you down with him if you stay, and you deserve so much better.

blueangel1 · 08/06/2021 13:44

Walk away. I was married to a functioning alcoholic and things just got progressively worse.

MrsKeats · 08/06/2021 16:51

I hope he's not driving.
Must never be sober.

BrownEyedGirl80 · 08/06/2021 17:01

A couple I'm good friends with are functional alcoholics but they'd never admit it.
Mon-Fri after work 70cl bottle vodka between them.
Sat and Sun.3pm bottle beer/glass of wine then vodka.

This is every day.They both work 9-5 jobs.

BrownEyedGirl80 · 08/06/2021 17:02

That's 70cl per day not over the 5 days.

Muckingaround · 08/06/2021 18:11

Yes I was married to a functional alcoholic. I mean this kindly - you’re on a hiding to nowhere with him. He won’t change (very unlikely). Even if he says he will, he’ll likely just string you along for years and nothing will change. Run for the hills Flowers

Chicchicchicchiclana · 08/06/2021 18:16

He just doesn't sound much of a catch op. You're thinking of excuses not to be with him ... not a good sign in a 1 year relationship!

Andante57 · 08/06/2021 18:44

Please go to al Anon op. You will get help and support there.

Umberellatheweatha · 08/06/2021 19:05

The sleep schedule alone would have me running for the hills.

Sparkybloke · 08/06/2021 19:10

My ex was a functional alcoholic although drank far less than your DP. As others say end it.....I am afraid he will never change....sorry but I had ten years of hell...

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