Should I tell my (now) boss that I’m attracted to him?

[CroissantwithCheese]

So I feel really silly saying this, but I am really attracted to my boss and don’t know whether to say something or not! I met him when he started at my company a couple of years ago. We developed a good friendship over time and he was a huge emotional support recently when I moved out of the flat I shared with my ex. He’s never made a move but I feel so much chemistry between us. I think he wouldn’t have because he’s respectful and I was going through a breakup. He asked me recently if I felt I was ready for a new relationship. I said I was. We were both talking about how we know more now what we want from a relationship. It’s so easy to talk to him. He just became my manager a few weeks ago. I love working with him every day but I can’t stop fantasizing about getting together with him. If I say something and he isn’t into it, it’ll be mortifying! Talk some sense into me please! What should I do?

I imagine he already knows. I don't think I would say anything. Is he single?

For god's sake don't say anything. If it happens, it happens, but don't embarrass yourself by telling him.

Yes he’s single. He was dating for a while but now says he’s done with dating and is happy to be alone for a while. Maybe that’s him telling me he’s not interested. It’s just so hard to know whether he’s into me or just being friendly and nice. Probably better not to say anything though and just let it pass, for the sake of the job.

No. Say nothing.

@HollowTalk
That’s what I’m afraid of!

You will spoil everything if you say something: the magic, the intrigue, the fun, desire, excitement.... It could terribly wrong and damage your working relationship. If it's going to happen between you, it will, without you spelling things out to him.

How long ago did you break up/move out of the flat?
You say recently, then he’s asking you recently again if your ready for a new relationship.
Confused on timings

You're up for a relationship with him, so to avoid any future awkwardness, I'd wait for him to tell you if he feels the same.

Say nothing. If he wanted to date you, he’d let you know. You’ve recently moved out of a flat you shared with your ex. Are you scared of being alone/single?

Just need to stop being driven by raging lust! It’s been 2 years since I’ve had any intimacy, thanks to a bad relationship, pregnancy and life with a new baby. This is the first time I’ve felt remotely sexy in all that time. But yes you’re all speaking sense. I’ll keep it in me pants.

No. If he likes you he will let you know. Dont be the one who obviously plays their cards in this situation.

@newyorkbreakfast
That’s so true! And I could keep enjoying this excitement without ever knowing he’s not interested. It’ll probably make me work better too

It's easy to develop feelings for someone who's been kind. Especially after you've been through the mill.

@Moonshine11
Yeah sorry. The timing is strange. I broke up with my ex last year during the lockdown, and moved closer to my family for emotional support. I went back to the flat recently to pack up mine and the kid’s’ things and move out. I stayed with this work friend while I was doing the move. We talked a lot and had a few bottles of wine over a couple of nights.

@Justmuddlingalong

It's easy to develop feelings for someone who's been kind. Especially after you've been through the mill.

@Justmuddlingalong That’s very true. I could be misreading his kindness for something deeper. I also convinced myself he won’t say anything because he’s my boss now and he may feel a move like that would be predatory.

@thefourgp @ConstanceMarkievicz
You’re both right. Argh. Ok. I’m doing nothing. Let’s see if he does something.

If you're a single mother with a young child, you'd be mad to risk your job for a fling with the boss.

It sounds like you're already crossing a lot of lines in your discussions, is there any chance you could move teams or departments, no matter what happens? Or if it's a small company then I'd really do nothing, unless or until you can find a different opportunity.

If it's true love it will wait another year until your emotions and life have settled. If not, then it was never meant to be.

@OverTheRubicon
I can’t move teams, as this is the only one where I can work. It’s not a small company but it’s quite specialized. And yes I am a single mother of 2 kids! And I can’t let this job go...I’m about to buy a house. Maybe on some level I want to “complete” the picture by having the guy there too. You’re right though, if it’s going to happen it will in time.

It doesn't sound like he is interested if he's said he wants some time alone (ie no relationship).

How old are the children? He just sounds like he's a nice person & wanted to support you.

@converseandjeans they’re 4 and 1. Yes, I think you’re right.

For the love of God, don't do it 😱

If he likes you he will make a move

croissantwithcheese he sounds lovely so it's a shame

What you need to do, is to book the both of you onto a conference that necessitates an overnight stay.

I have done this and it works.

Like, even if you don't end up in bed, you'll both likely have a drink and if he's got any feelings for you, he'll let you know at that point.

All the best op

Don’t do it!!! Lol 😆 Enjoy the raging lust and if it happens at some point it happens, if it doesn’t, that’s okay because you haven’t done anything mortifying. At least you can look forward to going to work each day 😉