Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Neighbours fawning over DH in silly way

36 replies

CowString · 07/06/2021 15:46

Not a stealth brag before anyone says anything. He's nothing special 😂 but is a very lovely bloke who always helps out.

Neighbour is a lady about 20 years older than us, let's call her N. Always asking him to do things around the house. We adore her to be honest, she's one of my favourite neighbours, always laughing and she makes a public joke of how she fancies DH.

N also says her daughter thinks DH is lovely and the fight over him, her dd is closer to our age.
Never really bothered me until new neighbour moved in cul-de-sac next to nice neighbour

DH was in bed Sunday morning and bang on door about 10am. He gets our of bed to go answer.

It's new neighbour, who says N has recommended DH if she needs anything doing round house and she has noticed him doing a lot of DIY in the garden.

Our garden has 6ft fences which means she's been watching him from her upstairs window.

I don't mistrust DH. But I've not seen this new neighbour. Have no idea who she is and am a bit pissed at her for knocking on at 10am on a Sunday asking him for his number for diy shite.

This was 2 weeks ago and he said he would go round with his number. He hasn't.

But now everytime he's in the garden I'm wondering if this woman is at the window 😂😂😂

I just don't know if I'm being A grumpy cow or not. It was funny at first but it's wearing thin

OP posts:
Original poster
CowString · 07/06/2021 15:49

I suppose what I'm saying is, he is happy to help out but the silly Ness that was funny at first is making him uncomfortable now and it's starting to make me feel the same too. Especially as it's extended to another neighbour (who N mentioned to me in a giggly way this week regarding the DIY and garden work DH does for her occasionally and how he could help her too)

OP posts:
MissDoomAndGloom · 07/06/2021 16:10

I completely get how your feeling OP, this would have annoyed the shit out of me.

My first thought was to have a polite word but I can't really find a polite way to put "stop perving over my husband".

I would just suggest to DH that he needs to reel in being such a dream because he's gathering an audience lol. But seriously it's incredibly disrespectful what's going on here, especially the knocking at 10 am, your husband isn't the street maintenance man, tell them to look elsewhere.

I love your patience though OP i feel like i would have snapped a little while ago lol xx

Howshouldibehave · 07/06/2021 16:14

This would piss me off as well! Tbf, it would piss my DH off before me!

It's new neighbour, who says N has recommended DH if she needs anything doing round house

This is so cheeky! Is being a tradesman his job? Is he paid by them to do this?! They need to get off their arse and do their own DIY (that’s why it’s called DIY!) or find someone and pay them like the rest of us do!

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 07/06/2021 16:14

I'd encourage him to refuse to do anything else for them. They need to find a paid maintenance guy like I do, I'm single and anything I can't do I pay someone to come in and do.
I couldn't bear all those silly ducks fussing over my husband if I was married. It's plain enbarrassing and out of order.

Andylion · 07/06/2021 16:19

N has recommended DH if she needs anything doing round house and she has noticed him doing a lot of DIY in the garden.

I don't think that I would be happy if N had recommended my DH to help another neighbour. It's not her place.

Blackbird2020 · 07/06/2021 16:20

I don’t know how old your ‘nice’ neighbour is but bear in mind she likely to be of a completely different generation. One where it was far more common to have ‘strong’ husbands fix local village neighbours’ things, whilst the ‘weaker womenfolk’ looked on in awe at the muscles and marvelled Grin

Not saying you need to accept it, but it’s really not that uncommon amongst some women above a certain age.

Your DH seems to be handling it ok. Keep a low profile and fade out of their lives to the extent you see appropriate.

memberofthewedding · 07/06/2021 16:26

Hmmm. Your DH needs to do what I do when any over entitled person asks me to do something for them. Like the neighbour who saw a face covering I had made from beautiful vintage material and asked if I could make her one.

Me: well I hadnt thought of making them to sell but if i do I will let you have a price. However this is unique vintage fabric so it wouldnt be cheap.

Neighbour immediately went quiet.

"Ill give you a price and get back to you, shall I?" I find is pretty much a conversation killer.

Mydarlingmyhamburger · 07/06/2021 16:27

I wouldn’t find this funny op. I’d find it disrespectful as fuck having a neighbour openly joke about wanting to shag my husband whilst getting him round her house for free labour. I’d be telling him to pack it in with the lot of them

CasaBonita · 07/06/2021 16:29

I think both neighbours are taking the piss to be honest!

DriedIris · 07/06/2021 16:31

I would not hesitate to tell new neighbour to fuck off! Cheeky cow.

Original poster
CowString · 07/06/2021 16:32

N is in her mid 50s.

Hes not a tradesman no but she always puts a few quid in an envelope for him. In all honesty I don't begrudge her at all. It's all very lighthearted with her but it's the addition of this new lady to the mix that's annoying me (probably because I haven't seen her and she might be gorgeous 😂)

I think N would have said it to her in a lighthearted way, she's not a piss taking person. She always asks politely and DH really doesn't mind helping her out (she has a son our age who never helps her)

New neighbour hasn't knocked on again so I'm glad of that at least!

OP posts:
Phoenix121 · 07/06/2021 16:37

Just to say, OP, you are not being a grumpy cow.

However, a word of warning. When women like these get their teeth into a MrNiceGuy, they get used to it so much that if they sense you have 'a problem' with it, they will paint it as that. In other words, you cannot really win in this situation. If you just turn a blind eye, there is a risk that DH devotes more time than is acceptable to other women. If you seek to curtail it, your neighbours will paint you as the harridan.
Sorry you've found yourself with neighbours like these.

Original poster
CowString · 07/06/2021 16:39

Aww she's not said she wants to shag him him 😂 she's the same age as his mum. She just says things like "oh you look so handsome with your new haircut" she's a Jamaican lady and is always laughing about it. It's not done in a sexual way at all. And I'm not worried about anything happening.

I'm just being annoyed with this new person and the assumption DH will help her.

Like I said we've not heard from her again so DH will probably continue to help N and if this new neighbour comes about again I think he will brush it off politely

OP posts:
Curatingchaos · 07/06/2021 16:44

Yuk well.
Can’t stand women who do this, or men that pander to it. Ok I’m bitter and twisted and cynical but if you want to borrow my husband for trade and you don’t pay the going rate , then you can pay me to look after the kids instead( when I could be working) while he does his charitable work for adoration from other women.

Original poster
CowString · 07/06/2021 16:51

It's literally putting up ikea furniture or a shelf. Hardly stuff you need to be professionally trained for.

It's neighbourly and she does things for us too (like letting us use her black bin that stays mostly empty)
The jobs are not the issue, nor is her teasing him. It's more the passing on of the good deeds.

OP posts:
Curatingchaos · 07/06/2021 16:58

Yeah I can see it’s neighbourly to help an older lady do an ikea flatpack. But most women can surely put up a shelf or do a flat pack on their own without needing to borrow someone’s husband?

Blackbird2020 · 07/06/2021 17:02

Mid fifties Shock Ok, I take back what I said before. I was thinking she might have been 70s/80s!

You are being taken for a ride....

billy1966 · 07/06/2021 17:32

CF alert on the new neighbour and N needs to be told that you would appreciate it if she didn't advertise your husband as the local maintenance man to strangers.

Your husband needs to tell new neighbour that he is busy and if you get an opportunity tell her yourself.

N has over stepped the line.

Your husband needs to step back and not be taken advantage of.

RedBonnet · 07/06/2021 17:49

Maybe have a quiet word with N about how shocked you were when your new neighbour knocked on your door at 10am on a Sunday. It could be that N didn't expect her to do that either and will be just as shocked. Then she might stop farming your hubby out to folk. With neighbour type stuff it's always best to nip things in the bud and set boundaries ASAP, in the nicest way possible of course. And introduce yourself to the new lady, you might actually find she's lovely too

KindChick · 07/06/2021 18:31

I think it takes a lot of front to knock on someone’s door at 10am on a Sunday when you don’t know them at all. Your husband needs to make it really clear that he is very busy and any mention of your direct next door neighbour emphasises that’s just very occasional jobs and support is mutual. Don’t get involved.

Bibidy · 07/06/2021 18:37

I wouldn't necessarily worry she fancies him, but I'd be more pissed off that he's being treated as a neighbourhood handyman! He has done some favours for a neighbour he knows and likes, that doesn't mean he wants to pick up DIY for anyone in the road.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 07/06/2021 18:40

Sod that for a game of soldiers. In this house, it's hard enough getting DH to do DIY in our house, so I certainly wouldn't be chuffed at some cf knocking destroying our lie-in, just to try and lay the ground work for future c fuckery Hmm

Ostara212 · 07/06/2021 18:43

@CowString

It's literally putting up ikea furniture or a shelf. Hardly stuff you need to be professionally trained for.

It's neighbourly and she does things for us too (like letting us use her black bin that stays mostly empty)
The jobs are not the issue, nor is her teasing him. It's more the passing on of the good deeds.

I would tell her firmly that she crossed a line. Favours between friends are one thing but passing in the number? No.
billy1966 · 07/06/2021 18:47

However nice you think N is, she has displayed huge disrespect towards your husband and his time.

I would be seriously pissed off at my husband's good nature being disrespected.

He needs to be a lot less available, especially to N.

LifesNotEnidBlyton · 07/06/2021 18:54

This would piss me off too OP. Imagine the same but with a younger woman being called upon by middle aged men from next door and beyond to make their dinner or do the cleaning. It'd be thought creepy and misogynistic and the womans husband would be jealous and pissed off. I dont think it's any more ok for your DH to be being used like a tradesman by the neighbours, and understandable you're both uncomfortable, and if they want someone to ogle and someone to do jobs around their house they can get a butler in the buff and pay for a tradesman.