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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

If you stayed - even though you weren’t happy - how have you managed it?

57 replies

Honeybeetaxi · 07/06/2021 10:13

I’m currently staying in my marriage for these reasons:

The kids
The fact he will be so upset
The fact that splitting up will mean I will lose my dc 50% of the time despite doing everything for them since they were born - he’s never done anything.
He’s familiar and it’s the safe option.

So I’m stuck.

But I’m not happy. I’m restless, checked out and feel so uncared for and lonely.
If you made the decision to stay and felt similarly to this, what made it better? Pandemic has made it worse because I’ve drifted from my friends. I feel scarily alone and it makes me anxious, but if I left him I’d actually be alone so it wouldn’t be any better.
We have had some good times but I think it’s more the family unit than him per se. I don’t feel any connection to him at all, I don’t want him to be hurt or upset or anything, but I also don’t want to spend any time with him or do anything with him. I am one foot out the door. I need to get both feet back in the door one way or another.

OP posts:
Signoramarella · 08/06/2021 07:07

I read this and recognised myself 4vyears ago. Took the plunge and left 2 years ago, I lost nothing. Freedom day was worth it, your life will be transformed. Every day away from him now is like another day of winning the lottery, yes I am on benefits, yes i lost my house, but Jesus, I found a new romance at 50 and I set my standards to never ever accept a man who treats me like that again. Don't waste your precious heart on a person who doesn't deserve you.

HeyGirlHeyBoy · 08/06/2021 07:19

Have you tried counselling OP? Like I say, it has made a huge difference here so far.

weegiepower · 08/06/2021 07:38

I'd just leave, I tried to stay for similar reasons (plus a few other bits that did make it easier to leave) but was so unhappy in the end I had to leave.

The 50/50 isn't a given and isn't the most common. I have always been the main caregiver for our children and ex h knows this, he works a lot and can't give the same amount of care as I can without sacrificing his job. Our childcare split is not the norm but works for us right now, as the children get older it may change. But we also both spend time with the children together during the week, and although on a deeper level after some of his behaviour over the years I cannot stand him, on a surface level my children are the most important so I put aside those feelings to have a job relationship with him for their sake. My partner has also been affected by my ex's behaviour but he also puts aside any feelings he has towards him so we can all have a good relationship for the children's sake

weegiepower · 08/06/2021 07:48

Also some points to add, how old are your children?

I also don't think divorce is best for the children but in some cases staying isn't the best, and not necessarily just in cases of abuse. I think you can make it harder or easier for them, and always putting them first will make it easier for them, I do still worry about my children as they grow because they are still young so I do worry about how they feel as they get older, but me being happier is no doubt giving them a better life, before divorcing I was sad, angry, no patience, couldn't even leave the house because I was riddled with anxiety and depression, I couldn't leave to pop to Sainsbury's to get essentials, couldn't take them to the park, days out. I'm now a different person, fulfilled and happy, so much more patience, rarely angry, we do fun things and go out and have a better more relaxed life.

I was also used to doing everything, everything in the house and garden, all ex's cooking and cleaning and picking up crap he'd leave everywhere constantly, I'd spend ages cooking for kids, bathing them, bed, cooking for him and he'd play his Xbox and I'd put food in front of him and he'd be like "ahh thank you so much!" But then not touch it and carry on playing. He'd then just leave all the mess for me to clean. He never did a load of washing, cleaned anything, rarely tidied. And I've discovered that all men aren't like that. My partner now is the opposite and rather than drain the life out of me, he does the opposite and his constant love and support and help around the house and garden may sound small but has a huge impact on my day to day life.

starrynight21 · 08/06/2021 08:32

I stayed for 17 years - made the decision when DS was 9 months old and left when he was 18. It might not have been ideal, but it did work for me because the children were unaffected.

How did I do it ? I got very involved in work, and in fact that was great for my career. I did a lot of courses and became quite senior in my workplace which I loved.

I was very involved with the children too - never too busy to go to their events, sports, etc. Always happy to take them and their friends to all-day competitions ! On my days off ( which were during the week) I volunteered at their school, becoming one of their longest-serving "reading mums" , listening to slow readers two days each week for many years.

At home I kept it cool. We lived like brother and sister, very amiable with each other but nothing more than that. We did sleep in the same bed, but since he was a very deep sleeper and fell asleep instantly , I just waited until he'd been there for half an hour and then I'd climb in and sleep peacefully.

The fact is that ex made it easy for me , he was easy to live with, a good cook, good around the house, clean and tidy . A Disney type of father, happy to take them out for a great day but fairly useless with them on a day-to-day basis. However I was so involved with them that this wasn't really a problem . The DC grew up in a home where they knew they were loved by both of us , in our own different ways.

I left when they were 18 and 22 - they were surprised but they had their own lives and they didn't take it hard. My DD was emotional about it , but I spent a lot of time with her, talking it through, and she came to terms with it . DS was like "Mum, if you're happy, that's all that matters" .

We've been divorced for 13 years now, I'm married again, ex has a long-term partner . The DC get along great with all of us, family events are friendly and amiable.

Good luck on your journey - I hope it all works out for you, whatever you decide.

winetomorrow · 03/11/2021 06:04

As an update on this thread... I stayed... and I stayed... and his grumpy behaviour turned into verbal abuse... and I stayed and I stayed... and felt sorry for him every time... then it turned into physical intimidation and slamming doors, kicking and smashing things... I finally had given enough chances to not feel bad anymore. Split is official, now just awaiting the onslaught of abuse/lies/mudslinging that is about to come my way. I will breathe, rise above and protect and love my kid. And if he turns up under the patio I will have no idea how that could have happened.

Fijiwater · 03/11/2021 08:01

@winetomorrow

As an update on this thread... I stayed... and I stayed... and his grumpy behaviour turned into verbal abuse... and I stayed and I stayed... and felt sorry for him every time... then it turned into physical intimidation and slamming doors, kicking and smashing things... I finally had given enough chances to not feel bad anymore. Split is official, now just awaiting the onslaught of abuse/lies/mudslinging that is about to come my way. I will breathe, rise above and protect and love my kid. And if he turns up under the patio I will have no idea how that could have happened.
You are strong and you will be absolutely fine Flowers
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