@undertheocean69
He called me darling today as well.
Not a term we have ever used.
Maybe I'm reading into this and it's nothing but it bothered me. I said I've never heard you say that before and he just laughed it off as if a new phase.
Getting paranoid aren't I. Need to stop overthinking things!
No, you're not paranoid. You are experiencing hypervigilance. It's a common side effect following PTSD. Hypervigilance is not necessarily a 'bad' thing, as long as you can use it constructively and know how to switch it on and off.
I was also called darling in the days following a conversation about a potential OW. We had been married 27 years and he had never called me that.
No, you don't need to stop overthinking things. There are some events that you just need to think through and analyse. Your brain needs to do this to make sense of the new reality you found yourself in. It takes time to connect the dots and sometimes these connections may well reflect what's really going on.
Sometimes you'll make false connections, so you need to learn how to view your thoughts rationally, almost as an objective observer.
Like, your example of cleaning the car. Yes, a man planning on having his AP in his car would definitely clean it. However, the same man would no doubt clean his car at times anyway. It might be a false positive.
I know what you mean though, and I know what you're worried about. You need to stop thinking the same things over and over. It's very bad for your mental health, and it eats time. Learn how to allocate time to reflecting on the situation you find yourself in and only think about it during that allocated time.
You might find odd things spring to mind when you're busy doing something else.
I do not think it's unhealthy for you to continue to reflect on the situation as a whole, even if you've decided to stay with him. You sound like the sort of person to whom truth is vitally important. That's an admirable quality. Just remember to allocate time to doing things for yourself as well.
