Rude SD making me resent my husband . Help??

[Tigersparklespink]

My SD 12 is rude , bossy and has her dad wrapped around her finger . He is extremely proud of his daughter and regularly tells me how beautiful , amazing and intelligent she is . This is better than him not caring about her - I am aware . But I wonder if he is on another planet . The older girl is lovely and I think highly of her .

I find it difficult as SD never says please or thank you . If you take her out she will
always critic the experience - my hot chocolate was cold / the bacon was over done / I didn’t like the ice cream/ I thought it was a boring film.
Etc

Just seems so rude when we spend a lot of money and time to do activities.

She will always ask for a takeaway or want to rent a movie or want to buy a toy and my partner always goes along with it .
Our house I feel is like the fun weekend ! I can’t even imagine her mother tolerating the rudeness or expense .

I have mentioned she never says thanks . My partner says she does ! She doesn’t . After highlighting it my partner has now occasionally pulled her up on it but still she is so rude . I feel my blood boil.

This weekend some money went missing and magically appeared in her bag and my partner fiercely stood up for her and explained she wouldNever have taken it and had it had fallen in her bag and how could
I think so lowly of his amazing child .

Car keys have gone missing when she hasn’t wanted to go home ( costing over £300 to replace ) but never ever will partner see it is her .

My issue is that if I broach this with my partner he is so defensive and then says how hard life is f or his daughter as her parents are split up and that I need to cut her some slack and then he goes on about how incredible she is .

Im predicting she will be a nightmare when she is a teenager as we already have her acting like she is 20!! If I was her aunt or anyone else who could say - stop being rude - I would . But I feel as her Step mum I have to smile like an idiot and watch her take the mick!!!

I have a newborn child and I just hope he will
Not copy this behaviour. In fact , I would never ever accept it . I’d hate my child to be rude and ungrateful . I mean it

My point is -
How do I stop getting wound up and just stop it driving me mad? I dread her each visit and each time she visits it makes me so resentful at my own partner for not realising how manipulative /Spoilt this child is .

Please help me !
Say I am a monster if you will but seriously - it’s like having a badly behaved child who knows I can’t / won’t tell her off , a partner who won’t tell her off and as a grown woman I just feel this is ridiculous!

@Gilda152

Funny how when men work full time and take on kids they as a step dad they are amazing and kind !
Yet when a woman does the same and dares to point out anything she is a nasty , jealous and horrid woman who hates little kids and must be some sort of evil step mother !

I should just say to the girl -
Don’t be rude .
I said no .
Listen to your dad.
Please don’t be unkind !

I’m sure most step dads do but step mums are terrified if they say Anthony negative they are seen as unkind and jealous !

Just a thought !

@Gilda152 when SD returned home - her mum rang to say she had found £100 hidden in SDs bag ! She then had a huge argument with my husband ! He said she would never take it but even her own mother said maybe it was a cry for attention ! I said nothing !

He said she would never take it but even her own mother said maybe it was a cry for attention ! I said nothing !

I hope your dh listens to his ex..it seems he isn't too good at taking advice or changing his mind.

If all 3 adults are on the same page about her behaviour there is a chance you will resolve it. If your dh is gaslighting you and his Ex then it will not get fixed.

Further evidence that your DH is the problem here.

What punishment is he going to give for the stealing?

If his ex thinks the DD needs more attention from him, how is he going to give that?

These are problems for him to resolve, but unless he steps up and starts parenting his DC then they will continue to push the barriers (& your buttons), the fault here lies squarely on your DH's shoulders not DSDs.

Yanbu to put a lock on your bedroom door.

Did you not know, any of this before marrying him and having a baby? I know you say he's wonderful etc, but when you marry a man with a child, you marry into an, established family.