How "cared for" do you feel?

[TheMostHappy]

This week I have really really hurt my back - I can barely stand, and walking is excruciating. I hope to get a call back from doctor tomorrow as paracetamol isn't touching the pain.

How does your significant other treat you can you when you are incapacitated? Are you expected to just get on with it or are you looked after?

DH has gotten on with a few bits this week but not much more than he would normally do, the house is a tip, washing hasn't been done, and he has made me feel like a massive inconvenience, for example I was talking to him just now and he was like "hang on, I'm just washing up plates... AGAIN"

Extremely cared for. My DP is seriously ill himself at the moment and yet still finds small (and big!) ways of caring for me. I could give a hundred examples from the last few weeks alone. I've never felt so cherished in a relationship. ExH though, oh dear god, different story. He laughed at me when I was throwing up with morning sickness. I was never allowed to be ill ever. The one example that sticks out is being pregnant in 40 degree sun in France and with the most severe migraine I've ever had and he made me play boules in the full sun because he was bored. I was on my hands and knees throwing up under a tree and I was impatiently told to hurry up and take my turn. Made me go for a long walk with newborn DC days after I'd had a blood transfusion and literally almost died during childbirth. It was really touch and go. Just horrific selfishness and lack of empathy. Current DP by contrast sent me to bed once for a nap because I was a bit tired and entertained my DC outside with the most exciting creative lovely activities. His favourite phrase is 'do you need anything?'.

I'm in the exact same position as the OP with terrible back pain where I can barely walk. I have had this condition before some years ago and my DH does look after me but I can tell he resents having to do the housework and cooking normally I do most of it but to be fair he did do it on top of working 12 he shifts. He is strange in that he sometimes can be thoughtful and buy me a coffee when he goes shopping but other times he is inconsiderate and doesn't think of offering me lunch or a drink even if I am struggling to get downstairs.
You can just see the difference with my 16 year old dd though she is really kind and considerate always asks if I need something, happy to pass me things or get me a drink, sits with me so I won't get lonely. It's just her kind nature even though at other times she is a typical selfish teenager.

It's difficult to explain, it's not that he doesn't do the stuff - he does the basics like feeding the kids or he'll bung a load of washing in but he'll do exactly the basics - washing is dried and left in the basket to crumple, not folded or washing up left.

As it happens by back is feeling a little better this week but I'm on codeine which is really wiping me out and making me very lethargic so the house looks like an absolute hovel 🙄

I just don't feel that I'm treated with love I suppose, and that makes me feel a bit sad and sorry for myself. But don't get me wrong I appreciate that others have it much worse.

Really sorry to hear that he's treating you like that. I wouldn't be ok with that. My husband is good and picks up the slack when I'm ill.
Can you talk to him and explain how it's making you feel?

Mine is lovely, I think he prefers me ill though He will bring me drinks and food, cook, do food shopping and wash up and kids washing. Wouldn't tidy but he does so much else he is brilliant.

I'm very well cared for and it is one of the reasons I love my husband as much as I do.

Not being looked after when ill is a huge red flag and IMO it is abusive to ignore the illness of a partner.

I certainly wouldn't be carrying on having children with a man who treated me like some of the above.

Some of these replies really break my heart, these poor women who slog away through pain and misery for a self pig of a husband who cares NOTHING for them. Oh please WHYYYYY do you put up with this?? Especially if you have the finances to leave? You deserve so much better. And your poor children who see their mother used as a domestic appliance, treated with no care or respect....I hope to God they don’t go on and replicate this in their own relationships.

He just leaves me to get on with it. Even left be having to go to A&E with a young baby alone whilst he went to football. He hurt his shoulder yesterday and has been moody with me all day as I’m now treating him how he treats me It doesn’t come natural to me though, I want to help him but he doesn’t deserve my care when I get none in return.

I’m leaving soon just getting ducks in a row.

Good for you @Sunny
Make sure you keep that story of going to football when his child went to A&E.

It tells a person everything they need to know about what a waster he is.