On-Line Dating - the biggest lies?

[DadAManger]

Who is the most misleading person you have met via On-Line Dating and what was their fib/lie/massive misrepresentation?

Did you find out at the first meeting or did it takes months of an actual relationship?

There seems to be massive amounts of misrepresentation in dating on-line...

A colleague dated a man for 3-4 months. He was great in every way and acted all loved up and interested, talks about future plans, holidays etc. No red flags whatsoever... except turned out that all along he was due to leave the UK permanently and neglected to mention this small detail. He had quit his job, given notice on his flat and everything while dating this poor woman

That he owned his own business, had all these people working for him etc. Used to continually tell stories about what was going on and all the projects he had in the go. Told me his house was one of his rented houses he’d moved into on a temporary basis and had only been there 6 weeks. (He’d been there years) Kept showing me the type of house he wanted to buy. I honestly don’t think I gave the slightest hint I cared about money as am ok financially but it was never ending, Rolex watches, pictures of posh cars he supposedly had etc. The worst was his friend who was in the intelligence service allegedly and had taught him all sorts of tricks. I became a paranoid mess - don’t know if he was actually hacking my phone or it was my paranoia by the end. I took everything he said at face value as had only just started dating after a long marriage. It of course turned out all to be lies - he didn’t own the company but did work for it - as a double glazing salesman- maybe that should of told me something 🤣🤣 he went to great lengths to convince me he was genuine but I was always going to find out eventually I still don’t understand his end game 🤷‍♀️

Even when the evidence was in front of me I struggled to believe it - I’m now very cynical. Dated lots since and the pretence and manipulative behaviour that so many men engage in is shocking. Think I’ve eventually got myself a lovely one though!!

He said he was 6 foot and in real life he was way shorter than 6 foot . The height didn't bother me but I was a bit the first time we met . Like why lie about something so obvious

Same man:

• said he was 5ft10 - I'm 5ft6 and he was smaller than me
• said he worked in IT - he actually sold CCTV kit
• said he had brown hair (B&W photo) - he was ginger - not a problem but did he think I wouldn't notice?
• said he was open to a new relationship - got dumped by his wife a fortnight before and talked about her all night.

He also turned up to a drink at lunchtime wearing tatty converse, cargo shorts, and a faded band t-shirt, with two carrier bags of Tesco's shopping. Waited for me to buy two rounds because "he'd spent up".

@edwinbear

They’re struggling with their mental health and need time to ‘find themselves’ after they’ve shagged you a few times.

OMG this! Nailed it

Went on a date with a guy who ‘had his own house, a good career and was looking for something stable’

Met him for a drink and he was sweating really bad, when I questioned him turns out it was the illegal fat burners and steroids he was taking along with the antidepressants for his depression because he lost his job and was living at home with his mum. Turns out he never had a job or his own house but was looking for someone with those things that he could move in with 🙈

Thing is a lot of the little lies, like height and so on, probably wouldn’t actually be a dealbreaker for a lot of women if the chemistry was right, but as has been said it’s such an obvious lie and so easily found out and that would put me off someone more than the real hair colour / height would.

@edwinbear

Yes it's always after they've shagged you these become an issue never before

I don’t know that it’s just online though. I fell hard for one guy who said he was separated (wasn’t), talked up his job role a ton (weird as I was not at all bothered if he made a lot of money or was important at work or not), lied about his religion, etc. I still have no idea what other things he may have lied about.

Then I met another man years later who said he wanted a relationship after his wife’s death a few years previously (he was actually a widower). Then quickly got very handsy and proposed a fwb relationship. He’s 70 and I am 54, so, er, no thanks. He was the impression he was sex on legs, I was under the impression he’d be up for getting to know me (as he’d said).

I’m fed up with men now, the not-liars are all taken.

I've not had the height one actually - I've gone out to meet a couple of men expecting based on their reported height to be taller than them when I wear heels and they've turned out to have slightly underestimated their height.

However my biggest lie would be the man who said he had a child when he didn't. I later found out that I had a lucky escape (I declined a second date) because he turned out to not only be abusive but also to be a child sex abuser - he went to prison for raping an 8yo girl. I had children at the time - a bit younger than 8 though.

I had my own version of a major mislead some years ago when I was OLD overseas. I chatted for weeks to a very nice lady who said she was a secretary and was looking for something serious. When it came time to meet, she came into the cafe accompanied by a burly gentleman who sat nearby glowering at us. I asked her who this chap was - "just my security" she said airily. I had booked a restaurant nearby - the security waited outside while we ate.

Her phone rang during the main course and I heard an irate Australian lady say "DON'T ASK LARRY FOR ANY MORE MONEY! HE'S BROKE! HE CAN'T PAY FOR YOUR PICTURES ANYMORE, OK?!". My dining companion listened carefully, sighed as if this was the story of her life and then let rip with a series of expletives before hanging up, dabbing her lips with a napkin and getting back to her fish dish

Since it had become crystal clear that this lady was for hire, I suggested we get early nights. She became agitated and said we had not even discussed a price for the night yet. When I insisted she went home and gave her money for a taxi and a bit of spending money she slammed the taxi door and her and her "security" drove off into the night. Of course I got a dozen phone calls that night with her calling me cheap and "a nothing that couldn't afford the fee". Not exactly the start to a serious relationship I had been expecting :)

That they were single.

You’d be surprised how many men are actually married and on dating sites.

Tbh I was more surprised at the amount of men that had It openly on their profile that they are married/ in a relationship

The worst was my poor friend who got into a relationship with a guy from OLD. He pretended to be someone else - different name, age, hometown, pretended he had a respectable job and a house. They were together nearly a year and he was living with her (claimed he'd had to let his imaginary sister live in his house and a loss of other lies). Turned out he was a repeatedly convicted and 4 times imprisoned romance scammer. She found out in a horrible way when the police turned up to arrest him for breaching his parole conditions. I don't think she could have done anything differently to avoid this, I met him lots of times and he was very very convincing.

I had one date with a guy who claimed to be well travelled and a "celebrity furniture polisher." Turned out he'd been to Australia a few years back and once polished a table for Ozzie Osbourne...

Someone once told me he was there on 9/11 and at the 7/7 bombings and how many lives he'd saved. His profile was a stock photo of a fireman. He asked what job I do and I replied lap dancer.
Another one told me he was in the army. I just knew by his profile pic it was a lie. So I said send me a photo of you in your uniform. He sent me an Internet image of hundreds of army soldiers all stood in a group and said " see if you can guess which one's me". I just replied " none of them".

I'm 5ft 10 so can easily spot when they aren't.

I've found this to be the magical age men are most likely to use when they lie about their height. It's like they think saying they are 6 foot is too obvious a lie, but at 5'10 we get all confused and just cannot tell.

I met a 5'10 guy. I'm 5'3 and was wearing flats. He was just above eye level.

One of the biggest for me was a man who seemed completely normal... we met at a cinema (don't ask) and he turned up dressed like a pirate.

Not even joking. He had a bandana around his head, eyeliner, one of those white puffy shirts unbuttoned to his navel. I was too young and inexperienced to tell him to bolt so sat through the film with him talking loudly and chugging wine from a plastic bag. He told me he was homeless and 'between jobs' but not to worry, his parents were millionaires and he'd be grand the day they died.

The second was again a man who seemed completely normal, professional job, great chat, handsome, no red flags. Then on the first date he said (so as not to waste each other's time ) that I was 'absolutely perfect' for him so would need to give up work (my business), become a housewife (but not to worry, he'd bestow upon me a credit card), and call him by the name of Daddy 24/7. I asked him how that would work with two existing daughters to provide for (and not traumatise with public displays of bdsm) to which he replied he was willing to take them on and they'd get used to it.

I have never blocked and deleted a number so fast. I often wonder if either of them found what they were looking for i.e a cash machine and a permanent sex slave.

No, I've never been to prison

Dated someone who after a few dates told me he only did relationships. After a few more dates he turned off the charm and ended things. I found out he'd been in touch with someone else.

A couple of men have lied about their age because they think they can because they think they don't look their age. That's not the point. I'm told I don't look my age (not bigging myself up) and I don't see the point of lying.

A lot of men claim to be 5 foot 11 and they really aren't. I suppose 6 foot would be pushing it.

A lot of men don't realise that when you have exchanged numbers they come up on Facebook as "someone you might know". Then you can check out what they really look like and if they are single.

I dated someone who was so convinced he was 5'11" that he tried to tell me I couldn't be 5'5"...

He also told me he couldn't believe he'd "completely fallen for someone I've never met" (meaning me!) and that he had "no intention" of meeting anyone else on Bumble.

We talked for months during lockdown, went on six dates, had sex and then he literally left that night and wouldn't even stay over. He then distanced himself, said he'd been on a few dates with other people, and said he wasn't prepared to come off the apps as we were in "the early stages of dating" and he needed the validation..... complete 180 from the lovebombing he started out with. Absolute head fuck of a man child.

What is it with 5 foot 11 lol

I wonder if it is a bit like estate agents? When we were house hunting they’d send us completely unsuitable houses but hide the fact they were unsuitable (so close crop the pic so you couldn’t see the motorway at the front/pub next door etc). When we asked them why they were doing this they said that often people viewed these houses (that they wouldn’t have viewed due to the above) and then ‘fell in love’ with them and bought them despite the motorway next door etc...

Do men think the same? That if you go on the date (thinking they are 5’10), then you’ll obviously see they aren’t, but once you’re there they’ve got the chance to charm you??

• Turned down Gisele, the supermodel - profile had wrong university, he didn't live where he said he lived...just totally different existence to the one he'd implied?

Was weird because he was clearly quite intelligent and I do think he'd had "some" of the life experiences he claimed to have (living in New York, linked to the entertainment business, might have attended parties with famous people)

but just presented a completely skewed version of himself on his profile.

Like he wanted to pretend he was a hotshot high achiever but he'd just lived abroad, rented, came back and got a flatshare and a normal office job (which is all fine - he was an Ok looking tall intelligent guy with no ties, so why all the BS?).

• Married guys who were totally blatant about it. Newborn babies and gorgeous wives as Whatsapp profile photos etc. They weren't even "creepy" looking - a lot of normal youngish professional mainstream guys in their 20's! Also clearly identifiable from Linkedin and social media so very dangerous game!

• Profile pics out of date, age, job different to the one the said (like say they were admin or answering the phone at a law firm they'd say they were a senior lawyer?)

I think often the guys who AREN'T weirdos and fantasists get fairly arrogant as they feel they have the pick of the bunch. Or they aren't on there for too long.

So the weirdos and the fantasists are left circulating more than other guys.

On profile: I'm looking for a serious relationship. I'm 49.

In reality: not looking for any sort of emotional commitment or even connection. He was 53.

I had to laugh at the male colleague who struck up a relationship online with an American lady. This was probably twenty years ago, and the internet was less developed.
Anyway, married male colleague flew to New York to meet this lady, for a passionate weekend. He sat in reception waiting for her and when she arrived she was quite a few dress sizes than he was expecting, and quite a few years older.
He was most put out that she had misrepresented herself. Ignoring the fact that he was probably two stone heavier and a few years older than he had told her.