Do you assume exclusivity?

[Ytrigging]

I was really surprised to discover that some people don't assume that their relationship is exclusive until they've had a conversation about it. Is non-monogamy so common now that it has become the default option? I've never had an "are we exclusive" conversation with anyone and I find the idea of the default relationship being an open relationship quite unpleasant. Is this something American which is becoming normal here? Or is it an OLD thing which is becoming more mainstream?

In these situations, what would your assumption be?
Situation1: Molly and Arthur join the same climbing course. They learn to climb together, start to meet up at weekends with their other climbing friends to go on climbing trips and have become friends over a period of 2 months. Then one day Arthur asks Molly out and Molly says yes. They meet up for dinner some other date once per week for a month. Then Molly finds out that Arthur is seeing another woman. Do you think Arthur is cheating on Molly?

Situation 2: Molly and Arthur match on an online dating site. They meet up for a date once per week for a month. Then Molly finds out that Arthur is seeing another woman. Do you think Arthur is cheating on Molly now?

@Cactusesi

If I asked a Date what they had been doing since our last date and they told me they had had a great week, dating 4 other people and sleeping with 2 of them, then I would think we weren't exclusive. In most other circumstances I would assume and expect that we were.

And then I wouldn't see them again!

I wouldn't sleep with anyone I knew was seeing other people. I wouldn't sleep with anyone I didn't have deep feelings for and fancied and knew that was reciprocated.

I was born in 1984, but most people think that's a typo and it was really 1884,

I think my boyfriend and I assumed exclusivity after our second date, on which we slept together, but that’s because we had a conversation during it in which we both said we weren’t into random hookups any more. Also, the intensity of the texting between us was such that (unless either of us had been deliberately lying) we would have known the other one was on a date with someone else - we were I the first throes of full on lust and texting all the time, expressing how much we couldn’t wait to meet up again etc!

In a different dating scenario, with a man who texted less or expressed different views on hookups, I would not have necessarily assumed it, and would have directly asked if it was on my mind.....

Never had one of these chats and I'm 43, if I was dating someone I would assume that it was just me he was dating and if it wasn't he is a two timing lying cheat who I would dump straight away.

I don't know... I prefer that there's a conversation and find that men who are very keen will be the ones to bring it up. They tend to do it fairly early in, too. So no, I wouldn't assume it, but I think if you're dating it's ok to date others but should mention it to avoid any confusion and upset.

Also: none of these men have called it exclusivity but have told me that they want a proper relationship with me

ooh maybe it's partly the word dating. When I was young dating was an American thing which didn't really happen. It meant that you went to places, he probably paid, at the end you might kiss and arrange another date. I never actually went on a date, never was 'asked out' nor asked anyone else out. I would then assume when you started having sex after a date or dates, he was then your boyfriend, until you explicitly 'broke up'. I would imagine you could 'date' any number of folk in a sort of American Cosmo way and as about their incomes and shit. Until you shag one, Bloke A, and you would then cancel other pending dates and only reinstate them once broken up with Bloke A.

The other way to get a boyfriend, of course, the normal way, would be to attend the same function and usually get drunk and then get off with someone, anything from kissing to sex, then you call them or they call you afterwards, and they either say they aren't interested in anything further, or they say cheers but I live in Dusseldorf or somewhere, or they say they are interested, whereupon they are your boyfriend. No hanging around, much clearer, and no ghosting.

All my relationships followed the above pattern.