Shall I go or not on 2nd date?

[nolovelost]

Just recently started dating again, been single for years! Had to sieve through some right dicks! Had a date the other weekend, seems decent enough and ok looking, the date was OK but didn't think "oh this is the one!". He seems more attentive through texts than in the flesh.

Thing is, the idea sounds good but when it comes to near the date, I just can't be arsed! I'd rather just sit on my own at home, pigging out and binge watching TV after a busy week.

I'm supposed to be booking the meal for Saturday night.

What shall I do?!!!

This obviously isn’t the one op. How are you meeting them? Old?

Personally I wouldn't be wondering if he was the one but just wondering whether or not I wanted to see him on Saturday night. And it appears that you don't!

However, it's not that easy is it? Whilst it's not surprising that you don't have the energy to meet up with a near stranger, you hear stories of feelings growing and how after the second or third date things have really changed .

Only you know if you fancy a night out with this man you've only met once or whether you want a night in and to go back to the drawing board.

I suppose it depends on whether you're just not that into it, or whether you have a history of being a bit of a couch potato? I suppose for me if I had to make myself go on a second date, it would be a sign I was bored already...

He doesn't need to be the one, that's too much pressure.

Did you enjoy his company?

Thanks for the replies.

He put on his profile, "what you see is what you get". On the date, I don't know whether he was just very comfortable and confident but it kind of felt like we'd been together years and not a first date. I think he asked me one, maybe two questions. It was like he as talking to a mate. There was no sense of making an impression. Where as, I asked him lots of questions and listened to him talk at length about his work and smiled a lot (not forced, I was just myself). And I did make conversation. I was attracted to him, but I'm maybe thinking the only reason was because I found him good looking. But attraction is much deeper than that isn't it.

After the date, we established that we were to see each other again. And he suggested cooking together, which I said sounded nice but maybe in the near future, (at this point it's difficult to know if you def want to see each other again, and I wouldn't have wanted that so soon, as I didn't know him).

So about a week later, (and after daily texts) we were talking about the next date and he brought up the cooking together again (def referring to this weekend). So I reiterated that that was a nice idea, something for the near future and that I wasn't ready for that yet.) Which he said was fine.

A few more days of consistent chat, and we've both slowed down to nothing (both last text 2 days ago). We both said that we were looking forward to the date at the pub for a meal.

I found it a bit much with the "good morning" texts each day and constant texting throughout the day and evening until bed. ( I always replied though). And I think he's probably got sick of texting first most of the time, as he's stopped doing that now!

Why seem more interested through texts than in first meet, or am I overthinking? I know it all sounds very dramatic and like a PP said, I shouldn't be wondering if he's the one at this stage. But it just seems like I met a different person in the pub that day!

We were talking/laughing about past dates with people and he even said that he thought that one of his dates got someone else to type out her messages for her because she seemed so different in the flesh?!

Oooh I reckon “cooking” is probably him wanting to come round for sex.

Similar situation op. Supposed to be going on a third date at the weekend but...if I'm honest I can't work up the gusto. He is nice but I cant tell if there is any spark or not because theres been no kiss yet. And tbh, I feel we ran out of things to talk about anyway.

He has texted asking about the weekend plan and I feel like going 'do we have to?' xD I probably should sack him off but I'd really like a cheeky snog or two first. And you never know, maybe that would create some heat.

If you havent asked for a free weekend yet then I say give that a bash. Just tell him you need a 'me day's. Then if you find next weekend roles around and you havent thought anything of him, you can tell him you aren't feeling it.

It's a bit early for cooking together. He could cook for you, maybe, at his place? (Me and my dp spent months FB messaging, and in fact we still do, as we live quite a long distance apart). Give it another couple of dates, and see how you feel?

Don't go, you wouldn't question it if you really wanted to see him again.
Sometimes we meet people that are ok but you aren't blown away by them.
The cooking together made me laugh, that just means come round mine for a shag but I'll provide you with food you make you feel more worthy

If I had any doubt but they were nice , I always went on a second date. I met my dh like that! He was nice but I didn’t feel chemistry until a few dates in. Now I can’t imagine life without him. Perhaps he was trying to play it cool on the date and not be too keen but when he can’t see you he’s missing you and keen.
It’s a nice excuse to get dressed up and have nice food and hopefully things develop. Let us know what you decide!

Thank you.

The thing is, we couldn't meet last weekend, so you'd think I would be really keen to meet him. At this moment in time I'm thinking that I'm just happy meeting friends and family at the moment, but then sometimes I feel like friends don't have the time to meet because of their families, and that's why I thought it would be a good to meet up with a man instead. but when it comes to it, I can't be bothered.

I am tempted to see what the snog is like though, haha!

Yeah he definitely wants it to go quicker than I do! Yeah I'm soooooo ready for sex but I want to know if I'm gonna want it with him first. I don't want to be stuck inside with someone that I don't feel a connection with.

Cooking is code for sex.

I wouldn't go just based on the fact he thought a 2nd date "cooking with a stranger" was a good idea.

@nolovelost

Thank you.

The thing is, we couldn't meet last weekend, so you'd think I would be really keen to meet him. At this moment in time I'm thinking that I'm just happy meeting friends and family at the moment, but then sometimes I feel like friends don't have the time to meet because of their families, and that's why I thought it would be a good to meet up with a man instead. but when it comes to it, I can't be bothered.

I am tempted to see what the snog is like though, haha!

Yeah he definitely wants it to go quicker than I do! Yeah I'm soooooo ready for sex but I want to know if I'm gonna want it with him first. I don't want to be stuck inside with someone that I don't feel a connection with.

I would go. If you don't want to snog his face off at the end of the date then there's your answer? At the moment you seem to be 50/50, date no.2 should hopefully help you to decide?

Agree with PPs who said cooking is code for sex. He just wants to be at either of your places to try to move it on to sex.

Yeah my guy suggested to hang at his on the date I put off too. But I thought, wouldn't it be awful to discover there was no chemistry once already in his house xD

I did mention I thought it was too soon for at home hanging and he was fine with that though. But the guy is completely the opposite of me. He is introverted and unflirty and hasn't so much as held my hand yet. Normaly I'd just instigate but with covid it's hard to know what ppls boundaries are.

Kinda hoping he will surprise me if I give it one more chance.

Heres hoping we both get lucky op. In whatever way is relevant to each of us ;)

@OldWomanSaysThis I know, he's obviously wanted to do that before getting to know me. A lot of men don't care about that do they?! And I know a lot of women do that too, but I think a hell of a lot wouldn't do that on a second date? Well actually I have shagged after a first date in the past (where we've lived local to each other and we've been drunk) but I think it definitely clouds your judgement and I've ended up with tossers because of it. And this guy doesn't live local so have to drive and I didn't feel like jumping him!

If I did go on the 2nd, and the connection was really good, who knows on the third date?!! But it's a bit off putting to think that he doesn't even know me/I don't know him and he's happy to be in that position/be in a strangers house!

Was thinking that - to give it one more date to see if I really connected with him. If not after the second, there's no way I'd do a third.

I'm confused are you cooking or going out for a meal. If it is the former I would sack that...I would not be cooking or having him over after one date.
It does not sound as if the interest is there on your side, but maybe it wouldn't be there for Brad Pitt either.
I myself would like some male company but when it comes down to it it is too much effort. As for the texting I am 'what the heck...just leave me alone'.
I used to give most men a second chance date, just to be sure. Personally what I have found everytime is that if they weren't doing anything for me the first time as soon as I saw them the second time I knew as soon as I set eyes on them that I still felt the same. They think it might be going somewhere and the only place I want to go is home on my own right then.

Go on the date.

Everyone would rather sit on their arse at home, but it’s the way you stay single.

Yeaaa as much as i love my quiet nights in i’d try another date! Often its been the ones i really have had to force myself to go on that turn out to be the
most fun/surprising...your sofa isn’t going anywhere and you can fill your fridge with goodies and catch up on your favourite series anytime if it wasn’t any good?!

I feel like I should go...

I so want to meet someone naturally, I am going out a bit more now. It just feels so forced and fake doing it the OLD way.

I often find though the ones you are actually really keen on are the ones that don't last/make any effort. I'm not saying lower your expectations but attraction is not always like a firework going off in your clunge

This sounds so familiar!!

I posted last week as I'd been on 3 dates (now 4) with no "spark" and wanted to know if I was expecting too much! In the past I've been guilty of writing guys off after one gage and my friends keep telling me it's not fair to judge someone on a first date due to nerves etc and the sometimes chemistry can develop!

So 4 dates in and I've told him I wasn't feeling it. He was perfect on paper, funny, kind and actually quite good looking but despite all this here was no attraction.
I've still got no reason why but think I'm going back to my old approach as I genuinely think you can tell after 1 or 2 dates if there's any Chemistry or not.

After an cheating husband and adjusting to life as a single mum I'm happy on my own. I definitely want more than "ok" or "nice" when I'm dating. I'm so like you that when I get a chance of a night to myself I'm more than happy to chill on the couch pigging out. However, I think if you meet someone and there was a genuine connection that would change and you'd be excited to go??

I've had a first date (through Tinder) where I wasn't massively keen at the end. Absolutely forced myself to go on the second date - he too seemed better on text than in person and I just cba with dating at that point. But I did go on the second date as he seemed nice and I felt he deserved a second chance. The date turned out great fun, and I went back to his for a shag. And remember after it, putting my head on his chest and thinking it felt like home.

I married him! Divorced now but he wasn't an arse and I don't regret going on that second date.

Most men I've been in relationships with, have only grown on me after a second date. And a shag I find men can be equally nervous and not themselves on the first date, and it takes me 2 dates to figure out how I really feel. I don't bother texting loads in between as it's pointless. If I'm definitely not feeling it I won't bother, but if I'm unsure I always line up a second date very quickly.

Go on the second date and see what he's like. Nowt wrong with cooking together! I've cooked on a second date together and it was fab! His cooking really swung it for me tbh ha. Also I like seeing a man's place ASAP so I get a sense of what he's really like. Your friends and family will always be there, decent dates aren't always easy to find.

He wants his leg over ASAP (cooking plus extras) and you don't OP. I think that's the bottom line. If you did the 'cooking plus extras' I can almost guarantee that he will go 'cold' on you and then you'll feel like crap because you really wanted the connection first. He's already going a bit lukewarm on you because you're not chomping at the bit to invite him round on a cookery plus sex over the kitchen counter date. Men don't care about connections on OLD, particularly after a pandemic where they may have had less opportunity (though some have been carrying on, I know that). He'll continue to be a 'good guy' with you until he gets sex, by telling lies and pretending to be a completely different person to who he really is (in my experience) So if you want to see if he can control himself and be some sort of decent partner the best thing I would suggest is to wait another couple of months at least before you DTD. Even if you want sex now.. It's not a definitive test, but if a man really likes you he'll stick around for you. (I think, maybe). But good luck, keep us posted!