OLD - no buzz on our first teams call, even after our text chat is great

[tortoiselover100]

Ok so I'm back on the dating scene for the first time in 10 years. Matched with someone online, we were texting back and forth, there was a real buzz, been texting for 3 days then we agreed to a teams chat. We both use teams for work,

I was a bit nervous because I do like him, I felt a bit self conscious, I'm about half a stone heavier than the pictures I had up (thanks to lockdown) so maybe I didn't feel as attractive as I should have. He seemed nice, nothing put me off but there wasn't that back and firth banter like we'd had on texts. He dropped the bombshell on the teams that he owns a multimillion pound company. I checked afterwards because I had his work email address for the teams and yip he does own it. That made me feel a bit inferior and insecure. He said on his post he was a business owner but a corner shop would have been less daunting for me to cope with.

Anyhow he's text afterwards, great to chat, looking forward to getting to know me better, missing me already, I look sexy on my linked in pic.

All good but I feel like the vibe isn't there now.

Is it nerves because I really like him? Is dating over teams rubbish compared to in real life.

Anyone else dating and can help me figure this out? I've been out of it for so long I can't fathom if my jitters are because I'm probably not ready to date again or because teams is shit for dating or if we probably aren't suited. Argghhh

Can you meet in person? I wouldn’t write it off based on a Teams call - it just isn’t the same. Meeting old friends who I know and love already isn’t nearly as much fun on Teams as in real life, so i can only imagine that a date would be worse...

Yes I'm planning on meeting him in real life in a couple of weeks (gives me some time to get to the gym and diet beforehand). I just hope I can keep the exciting chat up in the meantime.

Don’t write it off from a teams call! Pretty terrible way to date

Meet him in real life. And try not to put yourself down - owning a business doesn’t make anyone more or less of a person (and stop worrying about your v small weight gain)

Unless there were actual red flags I would meet in person.

And stop doing yourself down. Forget the lockdown weight, forget him owning the business - you're both OLD because you'd like to meet someone. You've been getting on via text. Give yourself a chance.

Nobody will notice half a stone!!! Definitely meet him in person.

I never feel Teams, Zoom etc. are any good for socialising. They're fine for meetings, but I'd rather just speak on the phone if I want a chat with someone. I think it's because it's hard to make eye-contact in a natural way - you have to look at the camera - and then of course you are not seeing the other person's eyes so it doesn't work.

Give him a chance in real life.

The only red flags were that he said 'well I am dickhead' and 'I can be an arsehole' which immediately had me worried. I said would your friends call you a dick and he said, no they'd say I was a good guy. Other than that I liked everything about him.

Hmm. Most people can be dickheads/arseholes on occasion so I wouldn't read too much into this. If he starts behaving in a dickish/arsey way, that's the time to give him the heave-ho.

Yes I've learned to respect myself enough now to not put up with any shit so if he acts like an arsehole, he's gone. But I really like him and need to lose weight and want the vibe to be buzzing again. God I hate dating

I'm going slightly against the grain as I think saying you run a multi million pounds business is a red flag.

Sorry but someone telling you they are an arsehole would be a deal breaker for me. He's literally telling you who/what he is!

Agree with @DonkeysNotDisney the business thing is bizarre as well

I get the excitement but really it is best not to get over invested in any one person. It would appear you are in the early days of testing out OLD so initially feeling this way is not unusual. Be aware he is likely speaking to other women and there is nothing wrong with that and so should you.
I would be concened that someone I had chatted to once said he was missing me already?

I describe myself as a dickhead but I'm not (I don't think 😂), just self deprecating.

Don’t write it off, chatting on teams/zoom
isn’t a great way to date - meet him in person when you can and judge on that

Meet him sooner if you can!

See if there's chemistry IRL

I hate teams! If you usually use it for work that probably didn't help you feel relaxed.

But half a stone?! That's not enough to make any difference to the way you look.

Agree that teams is a weird way to date and definitely meet in person before giving up on him as it does sound like you like him.

How did him owning the company come up in conversation? If it came up naturally then that's fine but if it came up with him acting arrogant or a bit of a prick, then that might put me off.

The fact that he said he owned a multimillion pound business would slightly put me off. But definitely meet in person.

Teams call for a first facee to face 😱
Your dilemma is unanswerable because it's a video call which is a shell of an interaction compared to in person. Shelve all thoughts and organise an in person meet and reassess after that. If the text chat was good it's worth the benefit of the doubt, plus since you are in two minds already, if it doesn't go well you can be philosophical, so good way to get back into the swing of things. Pressure is off now. 👍

Sorry, read your updates. As you were.

Sounds like you were on the wrong foot as you were feeling self-conscious about your weight, already had him down as a big deal and then felt unworthy when he said he had a successful business. Maybe your self-esteem and good mood have taken a bit of a hit in lockdown?

If you go into a relationship at your absolute thinnest ever, that means you'll feel under pressure to stay that size even if you've never really been that thin before. Better to start out as you are most likely to go on!

I would be really put off by the dickhead/asshole thing, not really selling himself

Don't worry about half a stone that isn't noticeable, I also put on weight during lockdown, a lot more then you and was surprised on a first date in a long time that the guy really fancied me but I didn't feel the same about him so see yourself as the catch don't worry too much.

Be on alert about him describing himself as an arsehole when men have said that to me that have actually been right about that, even if you do fancy him be ready to bin off at first sign of crappy behaviour.
Going straight in about how much his business makes sounds like he's very desperate to impress and win you over and could be his tactic to get as many women as possible.

I don't like that he said he can be a dickhead or an arsehole. I wouldn't describe myself as either of those. I have faults but I'm not an arsehole nor would I want to be with someone who is.

And it's as much on him to make you feel comfortable when chatting as it is on you.