DP didn’t text in these circumstances - AIBU?

[Sadnesshal]

I posted this in chat but haven’t had many responses, wasn’t really a chat topic! I’ve woken up feeling shit about this and before I speak to DP I just want some perspective.

It was a friend’s funeral yesterday. I hadn’t seen them in a couple of years, I wasn’t massively massively close to them, but I was invited to the funeral in the limited numbers allowed and DP knew I was shaken by the passing and was upset by it. I had been on the last few days though leading up to funeral.

On Tuesday night DP said he hoped I was ok and he hoped tomorrow (yesterday) would go ok and said to take some time before and after to look after myself. I replied to this text and we said goodnight.

I then didn’t hear from him at all yesterday. Still haven’t today but obviously it’s early. We usually speak everyday by text and a couple of times a week by phone. On the odd occasion if work is manic then we may skip a day texting. He was working a shift all day and evening yesterday but he was in WhatsApp intermittently. He had time to send a short text.

I feel shit about this. I would definitely have text him to check he was ok or say goodnight after a day like that. Am I being unfair? I don’t want to cause and issue if I’m being a princess and not recognising it because I’m feeling a bit low at the moment.

@seensome yeah he’s not text today. I know it’s early. I just feel a bit deflated really. I thought me and him were really good together and this has thrown me a bit.

Don’t text him.

A previous poster nailed it with the take your time can feel like go away and do the difficult emotions and come back when you’re ok again.

For some men this is actually what they mean. He should have at least sent a thinking of you today text. It takes seconds. Shows he cares and is invested in doing something to acknowledge the hard day for you.

You are not a priority you are an option or a task to be desk with when he sees fit.

Whether it’s his attachment style or whether he doesn’t see social communication the way most do is not something you can fix or change.

Believe me there is a reason he hadn’t had a relationship until 37.

For goodness sake. You haven't texted him either! Why does he have to go first?

He probably thinks he's being sensitive, especially as he said you should take time. He's sitting patiently waiting to hear from you, while you're taking offence because you haven't heard from him.

You're making a mountain out of a molehill, and yes, playing games by not texting him and waiting for him to prove that he cares. He was really kind to you before the funeral, but you're whinging because that's not enough.

This!!

Also, this is why I hated dating nowadays. Expecting an inane conversation every day for the sake of it...the neediness of people really grates on me. No, you are not the only thing going on in the person's life!

Me and my DP went days and, when he went away for business, a week without contacting each other. It doesn't mean we don't love each other.

@CornishTiger oh god that doesn’t sound good! He can be a bit slow on the uptake with how to be in a relationship but it’s been more mundane things that are amusing and he deals with it, this is different though.

A year or so ago at the start he was regularly tearful saying he didn’t know how to have a relationship and that he was trying his best. It was odd but to be honest things got better, more than better. I love him. It’s shit feeling like this.

TEXT HIM FIRST.

Meh. I had this relationship OP for two years. Same situation- two funerals and very little support.

He just wasn't that into me. It was a blessing he met someone else he was into and ended the relationship. If a lack of text makes you feel this way then he obviously doesn't make you feel secure generally.

I'm sorry for your loss.

You could have messaged him after the funeral , but now because he didn’t message and you felt he should have you’re angry and upset because he didn’t meet your expectations! Poor man. Chill text him about yesterday, ask how he is. I wouldn’t be moaning to to him

Just text him, you're creating an issue where there doesn't need to be one.

Maybe what he meant by, "I'm going to give you some time/space before and after" he actually meant he needs a break and he will take this opportunity to take that break without confrontation.

Have you heard from him?

I also want to know if you messaged him. Don't let another evening go by without communicating as it will cause unnecessary hurt.

Did he text you OP? I'm the same as you and would've liked a "thinking of you" text but maybe it is his lack of experience....

Hope you heard from him today and are feeling better

YANBU and I sympathise. My grandad died in quite sad circumstances yesterday and my DP sent his usual how is your morning going text this morning. When I said I felt a bit low, he asked what was wrong and tried to make a joke out of it....he had forgotten.

To his credit he did then bring flowers and chocolates and left work early to give me a hug so I can’t complain. But it hurt at the time so I can understand why you would be upset at being ignored when you just need a few kind words from him.

He's 37 and you're his first relationship?