Was going to name change but haven't got the energy
Just need to offload really:
Dh and I seperated in 2001 for about a year and got back together 2002. 3 kids and I had pretty bad PND although I was in denial
Anyway I went off the rails completley for quite a bit of that year (drink, drugs ect...) I was stupid and had a fling while working at a pub
When dh and I got back together there was some gossip about me and this fling... I denied it, and denied it and denied it. I was 99.9 % sure that if dh was to know the truth we would not stay together so I didn't want to take the risk.
So we got past it, he believed me (although deep down he still had doubts) We moved on and had 2 more children. I carried the guilt which I deserved
The other night dh went round to my sisters who was drunk and feeling sorry for herself, they got on to a conversation about me, pub work ect... and dh bought up the subject of the 'fling'
When he asked her she said 'I can't say anything' Which is pretty much a yes it happened
So the shit hit the fan when he came home, I crumbled and finally admitted it had happened
Now trying to cope with the fall out.
He is amazingly still here and for that I count my lucky stars. If it was the other way round and it was me finding out that he had had a fling I would be gone and never come back so finding it hard to understand how he can look at me, touch me, talk to me???
I have hurt him so much
Got to go, kids awake. Thanks for listening x