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Original poster

Hate being single when the weather's nice

67 replies

fedup078 · 31/05/2021 13:47

Not sure if this is just one of my weird quirks but I hate hate hate being single when it's glorious outside
Actually even when I'm not single and at a loose end I get in a bit on a panic, sitting in all day just seems such a waste

Split with dh 3 months ago and I think this weekend is the first time it's hit me that I'm single yet again. I don't want him back and I don't think i even want a relationship, just having available friends would stop me feeling like this
All my friends have families and I don't want to be a 3rd wheel
I do intend to look for new hobbies etc but events are still a bit slow opening back up again
Is it just me who feels like this? I know Xmas etc can be hard when single too but the nice weather really brings it home for me

OP posts:
UnFringed · 01/06/2021 14:05

I’m 5 years into being single and I’ve felt like that for a while UNTIL I decided you have to actively make things happen, don’t be so sure your married mates aren’t an option.

I’ve started some new outdoor hobbies, been for lunch in the sun with my sister, got myself on OLD and made someone invite me out. I also threw out a Facebook invite to locals the I was going to sit in the sun and drink in my garden, ended up with an eclectic mix of couples, younger ones and singles there who were also looking for distraction and ended up with rather a fun sleepover with one of them into the bargain Wink Below 30 before Covid people shout at me!

Next weekend I have the kids and a few of their school friends plus parents for garden drinks, done that a couple of times before and made some good mum friends that we are now all going away for a spa day together. They are mostly married but that works for me as they can dump the kids on husbands!

I spent ages expecting it to just happen, turns out I had to make it happen and now I’m seen as a rackety old single woman who is the centre of fun, no way do I want to introduce a permanent bloke into messing that up for me!

Ilovedthe70s · 01/06/2021 14:18

I get it absolutely, have had nearly 30 years of the same experience. Not easy to make friends when you had all of your self confidence beaten out of you during your marriage.
Week days I don’t mind getting a coffee or breakfast/lunch on my own but bank holidays and weekends couples and families are everywhere and it’s hard. I do try to think that no one is taking notice of me but I know that isn’t the case people do notice and comments like “Larry the loner and “Billy no mates “ etc can be a bit hurtful

Taliskerskye · 01/06/2021 14:44

I agree, it’s seeing the people around you enjoying time outside. It’s bloody tough and sometimes you just want to say, this is bloody tough sometimes.

sunnyday2day · 01/06/2021 17:00

I hear you OP! I spent most of the bank holiday on my own. I imagined people with partners having lovely meals in pub gardens.

NorthernDramaLlama · 01/06/2021 17:09

100% with you OP! This was my first single bank holiday in years - and DC was with Daddy. Most of my friends have gone away for the half term holiday and I felt a bit tragic on my own. I did keep myself busy but it was an effort rather than just fun. Big hugs x

Original poster
fedup078 · 01/06/2021 17:14

So many of us
Shame we can't magically know where others in the same boat are in our areas
I felt like shit today too
Think my mh has taken a nose dive
He was on the phone today asking for another chance again but no I must be strong this time

OP posts:
sunnyday2day · 01/06/2021 18:25

@fedup078 - stay strong! Daffodil

sunnyday2day · 01/06/2021 18:26

I don't mind having time off and being on my own during the week when it's sunny. It's just at weekends/bank holidays it hits me that I've been single for too long.

RoseMartha · 01/06/2021 18:29

I understand. I made plans with family for the dc and me to go out with them and they pulled out last minute and decided to have an at home day. One of my dc has asd and this sparked a meltdown for an hour and a half. We got out eventually but we all felt a bit hurt and let down.

Original poster
fedup078 · 01/06/2021 18:32

@RoseMartha oh that would have really upset me too
I hate it when people cancel without considering the impact on the other person or the fact that you could have made other plans if they hadn't pissed you about
I have a few friends like this

OP posts:
IntermittentParps · 01/06/2021 18:39

So many of us
Shame we can't magically know where others in the same boat are in our areas

Well, that sounds like a great startup idea to me...
Invent a 'single friendship' app or something, OP! You'll make your fortune.

Original poster
fedup078 · 01/06/2021 18:41

@IntermittentParps I'm very surprised there isn't something similar
I downloaded Meetup but there is nothing absolutely nothing in my area and to set up a group you have to pay something like £20 I think

OP posts:
Original poster
fedup078 · 01/06/2021 18:41

... per month

OP posts:
IntermittentParps · 01/06/2021 18:48

to set up a group you have to pay something like £20 I think

That's a lot.

Seriously, there is a golden business opportunity here.

KirstenBlest · 01/06/2021 18:52

I felt it this weekend. I think it was that the sunshine was a bit of a surprise after all the rain.

Macaroni46 · 01/06/2021 19:47

@UnFringed out of interest what hobbies have you taken up?
I've tried a choir and a theatre but neither got me anywhere. With the choir it was 100% female and the theatre seems to be all couples!

Original poster
fedup078 · 01/06/2021 19:54

He's been on again trying to convince me to let him back
He did sort of admit he knows he was out of order and made some mumblings about getting help but I think it's too little too late
I rang the bank to get the ball rolling on taking the house on in my name only

OP posts:
Original poster
fedup078 · 01/06/2021 19:54

Whoops wrong thread sorry

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 01/06/2021 20:11

large group of single friends

I agree that this is absolutely the ideal solution. A group activity means that you are not dependent on any one persons plans changing and also means that you can duck out if you want to.

It's funny when a group suddenly works in that way There is no way to know in advance which group will work. I've been lucky with tennis/badminton courses which have turned into clubs with several times a week sessions. Then it's easy to arrange a one off event for bank holidays.

The Ramblers are also useful for walks sometimes followed by pub or picnic lunch. Find a group walk near you putting in your own post code or one when your are away.

https://www.ramblers.org.uk

Keep an eye out for notice boards and Facebook pages. I love the academic archers and 'captain awkward' meet-ups.

It's really worth knowing about a few events which you could join. Knowing there is somewhere to go and choosing to stay at home is a very different feeling to being at home with no options.

You have until end August now to find some options for the next Bank Holiday. Good luck

Febo24 · 01/06/2021 20:35

I'm not long single either so do know what you mean. I had that moment as lockdown lifted and then decided to start making plans.

My friends are happy to have me along with their family plans though, so you may find that people aren't that precious, depending on what they have on our what you're inviting them to.

Put yourself back in your shoes as a couple, you probably assumed your single friends had plans, so you do have to make yourself available and start making your own fortune.

IEat · 01/06/2021 20:35

I’m the opposite too hot to get jiggy with it, too hot to even hold a sweaty hand, too hot to go anywhere.. single and definitely not wanting to mingle

AccidentallyRunToWindsor · 01/06/2021 20:38

I felt like this yesterday. I've been single 3 months (still married technically) and I was keeping an eye on the time to try and work out how early I could go to bed.

It's easy to imagine everyone else is having a wonderful time.

RoseMartha · 01/06/2021 21:18

@fedup078
Thank you.

They texted sorry maybe you can meet up with such and such. But I knew those people were busy. Turned out they didnt have a great day at home and moaned to me later that day about it. 🙄

I am not lonely but sometimes you feel isolated. And as another poster said it is not about being in a relationship it is just sometimes it is nice to have adult company.

I was wondering today that the next time the dc are at their dad's for the day if I brave it and go to a NT place or similar on my own. Of course I would have to book it in advance. But maybe...

Tulip55 · 02/06/2021 00:10

If you are in UK there is an app called frolo for single parents, lots of meet ups and chat groups

Divebar2021 · 02/06/2021 00:30

Too much of anything can be tedious... too much on your own, too much time with your DH or toddler. I think there’s a good chance that married friends would be up for getting out especially if they’ve been WFH with partners for the last year. You could try and start a meet up type group on Nextdoor.com. I joined a book club which started during lockdown.... there are between 12 and 15 people who meet monthly. Of course it could be anything... a supper club or just drinks but chances are if nothing is advertised that you will find other people in the same boat.