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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Help me not ruin my amazing day

46 replies

MissUZak · 30/05/2021 23:34

Went out with LO and friend to the seaside had such a lovely time as LO had been asking me to go since the beginning of lockdown. We got out early in the morning so we could spend a decent time there and leave to get back home for 9ish.
Got back and as you can imagine LO is restless even though hes had 2 naps which he usually doesnt anymore. Anyway I tried to get in to the house but OH left the key in the door so couldn't open it, so had to call him and break his sleep to do so, even though I've mentioned this a million times. He opened it and went straight back to bed.
I took LO into the bathroom to sort him out and stuck him in the bath with the shower running, I was in the kitchen and could see him. I started sorting out the sandy clothes to stick them in the wash, LO was slightly moany cz he wanted me to hold him but still fine.

OH come downstairs and starts commenting on random crap. Then hes like hurry up and sort him out hes been in the shower ages, I said he needs a proper wash because hes got sand in every crevice. He kept ignoring what I was saying and started swearing and telling me to leave everything and sort his son out. LO started getting more agitated hearing the argument which fustrated OH and he kept swearing at me I got annoyed and repeated the same swear, he then threw LOs battery powered toothbrush at me with force it hit my forehead and landed in to the bathtub just missing LO.

Hes now said that my family and friends cant have contact with LO and hes going to tell them to fuck off. He does say this often when hes angry.

Hes just ruined our perfect day

OP posts:

Motnight · 30/05/2021 23:39

Op have you posted about your OH locking you out before?

shas19 · 30/05/2021 23:41

Put baby in bed with you and let him sleep on the sofa then tell him to piss off tomorrow!

Original poster

MissUZak · 30/05/2021 23:52

LO was hungry and wanted a quick snack so I heated some leftovers and we sat on the sofa sharing it. OH comes down and sits on the sofa watching us, trying to provoke me. In the end he took LO saing hes gonna be working all week and wont see him, same lame excuses. I m just lying on the sofa and dreading going up

OP posts:

toocold54 · 30/05/2021 23:55

Why are you with him?

VodkaSlimline · 30/05/2021 23:55

Wow. Hope you're planning to leave this guy, because once you're shot of him every day will feel like a perfect day!

SeaShoreGalore · 30/05/2021 23:55

This won't get better whilst you're with him.

Your child is learning how you should be treated from this guy.

Hermanfromguesswho · 30/05/2021 23:59

Fucking hell. He hit you in the face with an electric toothbrush and nearly hit his own small child because he was annoyed at having to let you in after HE locked you out.
I’d report the fucker for assault but it’s obviously not that easy when you are in the middle of an abusive situation.
Are you able to get things in motion to leave him?

excelledyourself · 31/05/2021 00:08

You really need to leave this guy, or he'll spoil every day of your life.

No child should ever witness one parent being assaulted by the other.

SirVixofVixHall · 31/05/2021 00:12

You have to either throw him out or leave him OP. This is not how a happy relationship works. He is treating you and his son appallingly. For your child’s sake as well as yours you need to separate.

HornbeamLane · 31/05/2021 00:12

Honestly. Repeat what you wrote. You were having the perfect day, until you ad to deal with your OH.
You need to leave him

Hen2018 · 31/05/2021 00:18

I never say this but I’d phone the police. I’d also not be with him after that.

30littletoes · 31/05/2021 00:34

This is not ok.

No matter what he says, what excuses he comes up with, your OH is being abusive and manipulative.
He has assaulted you in the presence of your child What would you say to a friend/even a stranger who acted as your OH is? Your partner should treat you better than anyone else- not worse.

It’s very difficult to think about clearly when you’re in that situation but you need to leave. Take your child and build a lovely, happy life. No one should ever be subject to this kind of behaviour.

HastySlander · 31/05/2021 00:40

Hang on so you had a day out with your child and friend and had a lovely time. Then you come home and have to ask to be let into your own house and then when you are sorting out your child you’re betrayed by your partner for not doing it properly/quick enough then your partner assaults you? You need to leave. I know that’s probably not palatable but you do and quickly. If only for your child to start with but you deserve so much better.

HastySlander · 31/05/2021 00:40

*berated

Patty101 · 31/05/2021 00:41

@MissUZak If I had written your post, what advice would you give me? Please follow that advice yourself.
That sounds a horrible situation to be in and I hope you find a way to get this person out of your life.

Sunflowergirl1 · 31/05/2021 05:29

What an abusive violent man. Tell us why you are not planning to leave?

Aquamarine1029 · 31/05/2021 05:40

You have to decide if you're going to allow him to ruin another day and if this is the environment you want to raise your child in. This is setting a horrible example for your son.

andivfmakes3 · 31/05/2021 05:48

Why are you even with him? It shouldn't take you writing this out on mumsnet to realise the bloke is a prick and in the time you've taken to write this you could have been Googling support groups/women's aid/ information about how to leave him?

Pompom2367 · 31/05/2021 05:51

Op why do you stay no judgement u just didn't deserve that today

ChangePart1 · 31/05/2021 05:51

Jesus Christ, it’s not about your abuser ‘ruining a perfect day’. It’s about the fact your abuser is going to ruin your child’s childhood and wreck his mental and emotional health as he grows up. Do you know how many kids who witness domestic violence go on to be violent as adults, or accept violence in their relationships?

Your son is reliant on you to protect him and shield him from witnessing abuse. Clearly his dad isn’t trusted not to mete out abuse. So your only option here is to take steps to leave.

Castlepeak · 31/05/2021 06:03

He assaulted you in front of your child.
Many of my earliest memories feature similar episodes.

Please get help. Show your child that no one deserves to be treated this way.

Weenurse · 31/05/2021 06:07

He is threatening to isolate you from your family.
Time to read up on abusive partners.

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/05/2021 06:15

He is isolating you and the violence will get worse.

Please tell someone in RL.

Crispychillibeef · 31/05/2021 06:46

He assaulted you. Get rid of him.

pe3k · 31/05/2021 06:54

Growing up most of my 'lovely' days would end like this.
I soon learnt to dread any 'lovely' days as I knew they would end as the worst days.

As an adult I still cannot enjoy anything without a feeling that something bad will happen. I often feel like I don't deserve any happiness and feel guilty.

This may sound a bit like an overreaction but it's the truth.

Don't let your dc suffer and feel like this.

I think you should separate.

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