Dp told me to f off, right off

[WhyMrsRobinson]

Ok he’s stressed at work and been picking fights all day. Stupidly tried to defend myself. Later he swears at me because his stupidly expensive phone wouldn’t charge. And I wasn’t sympathetic enough. ( I am so tired of being sympathetic) But we were getting ready to take dd for a birthday dinner. All I could say was, ‘ but it’s dds birthday, don’t get cross ‘ or something equally pathetic - I didn’t want to add fuel.
I told him later we had to make it up for dd. She was on stairs and had heard everything and was all closed off body language wise. Ds heard it too.Great!

It was ok in the end and Dp perked up a bit. And a good time was had, but this morning I don’t know how to deal. I don’t know if I’m overreacting but I find someone telling me to ‘just f right off’ has really got to me. I’ve been listening patiently to his daily moans and complaints about his job and have explained it’s exhausting, which he doesn’t seem to get. Or does, but 5 minutes later off we go again.
He seems to do this once a year or so.
Couldnt face chatting to him this morning.
Am I overreacting? I don’t think I am. And I don’t know how to feel, never mind act. And how to deal with children (young teens) do I say something? Or let it lie.
Thanks.

I'm horrified that you are all living your lives on edge, having to moderate what you say, depending on his moods.

It's not only you who are having to deal with all the stress and upset, it's your children too.

What justification do you have for doing this to your children ? That life will be 'easier' or 'better' if you all tiptoe round his mood ?

I'm afraid that you already have the evidence that proves otherwise, don't you ?

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but you need to be a better protector and role model for your children than that.

You need to show them that they are your priority, not him ! (Is he not an adult, who is supposed to be able to control his emotions ??)

How well do you think your DC will do in their exams etc, when they are having to live with an emotional pressure cooker at home ??
How do you think they will choose to 'vent' their frustrations ??

Make no mistake, your husband chooses to verbally abuse you, and he doesn't give 2 shiny shits if the DC and you are suffering because of his actions !

At the very least, I'd be telling him to apologize to the DC for his behaviour last thursday, and telling him (in front of the DC if need be) that if he ever does it again, then you're calling it quits and getting a divorce.He needs to know that you've all had it with him and his verbal assaults.

It seems to me like the communication between you both is horrendous. You should ask him to do things and if he comes back with his usual answer of "you do x too", just tell him yes I do, I'll work on it if you can too please. A sit down talk with him so you can both air your differences calmly may help - not having an argument but respectfully telling eachother what you're feeling. Giving him the 3 strikes and your out approach is great, if he's been pre warned and given the opportunity to change based on an actual conversation about your differences. He is being massively twatty but perhaps something about you irritates him and you're both not able to communicate with eachother properly.

I'd do exactly what he told you to do. In your position I would 'fuck right off'

And why are YOU having to apologies to the dc, he should be the one to apologise to them not you!

Sounds like you had to be there tbh. Can’t really tell without hearing both sides of the story.

F off is not brilliant but not terminal depending on the context IMO. I wouldn’t be ok with that in kids earshot though.