Hi
My elderly relative was taken into hospital recently and didn’t have a toilet bag. I took my husband’s from the bathroom and emptied it. I found cut up blister packs of viagra which had obviously been used. They were in a small zip pocket at the front. I took them out. I was in a rush and just tipped everything else out, didn’t say anything and have not mentioned it since. I think my husband thinks they are still there, they were in a pocket nobody would go in without reason.
My relative is very ill and going to die shortly. I have been so stressed with this that I couldn’t face confronting my husband. My son is also at home from university and was intending to go back but hasn’t done yet. I was also waiting until he was out of the way. I am so scared of where this is going to end up. I’m going to have to bring it up soon though.
We have a very good marriage in all ways apart from sex. We haven’t had sex for a number of years. E keep saying we must get back on track but neither of us actually makes it happen. My husband has suffered from erectile dysfunction in the past but, again, we’ve kind of brushed it under the carpet, put it off and assumed that things would get back to normal eventually.
I also had a mastectomy four years ago which I’ve tried to talk about but my husband just reassures me and then shuts the conversation down. He doesn’t talk about his feelings and finds emotional upheavals hard to deal with. He doesn’t talk about his own feelings. He is a fixer and when he can’t fix things doesn’t know what to say.
He has been a fantastic husband for twenty five years. He is reliable, solid and, as I said, a fixer. If he can see I need something doing or buying he just gets on with it. He is very generous and was happy to support me whilst I left work to do a degree after my cancer treatment. He is a wonderful father and has always out the kids first. I love him and I know he loves me. We have a happy life together, we are planning our retirement and we are best friends. He always has my back.
But I don’t know what to think about this curved ball. I don’t think he’s having an affair. He’s a terrible liar, well he just doesn’t lie. He’s been wfh
for over a year and doesn’t go anywhere without me or the dog. He’s not out of the house for more than an hour. He would have had plenty of opportunity before the first lockdown though. Nothing at all was amiss though and I can always tell when something is on his mind.
My question is, does anyone have experience of men using viagra just on their own ? Is this a thing ? Because it would make sense. He wouldn’t feel guilty about that, nor should he. He may have been using it as a sort of stopgap until we eventually got round to making some progress with our sex life. Or am I just kidding myself ? The thing is that cheating would be so out of character for him that it would mean the whole basis of my life is not what I thought it was.
I’m going to the hospice to see my relative now but I’ll be back late. I’d be very grateful for any insight or experience of this. Thanks.