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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Sister didn't tell me she was in hospital

44 replies

pilks · 28/05/2021 21:24

I'm I being unreasonable? My sister is in hospital and I only found out when my daughter saw her post on Facebook this afternoon. I thought we got on well but apparently she's been in since tea time yesterday. She's tried to ring me (7 hours after the post) but I'm so upset/angry/annoyed that I didn't answer in case I said something I'd later regret.

OP posts:
inigomontoyahwillcox · 28/05/2021 21:30

Maybe start with the sympathy and support first, ya know, 'cause she's ill enough to have been admitted to hospital and all that ... and get angry with her at a later date?

Sheesh!

FOJN · 28/05/2021 21:31

It's difficult to say with so little information about your relationship with your Sister but I'm surprised you are angry rather than concerned about whether she's OK. There will be opportunity at another (better) time to tell her how hurt you felt, now is not the time. Put your annoyance to one side, call her and find out how she is.

BluebellsGreenbells · 28/05/2021 21:32

I’m sure the first thing you do when I’ll in hospital is make a note to contact all your family.

Get over yourself. She’s not well. It’s not about you.

Original poster
pilks · 28/05/2021 21:44

I agree it's not about me but if she can find time to post on Facebook surely she could have messaged me? I

OP posts:
FOJN · 28/05/2021 21:49

But she didn't message you and you still don't know what's wrong with her. You will reman angry and ignorant about what's going on until you speak to her. Not taking her call and not contacting her yourself because you are angry IS making this about you.

You're pissed off, I understand your thinking but your Sister is in hospital and that is more important right now.

therearenogoodusernamesleft · 28/05/2021 21:53

Easier to let everyone know via one Facebook post than individually message everyone when, you know, you're so ill that you're hospitalised.

You're not coming across well here, OP.

HeddaGarbled · 28/05/2021 21:55

Your poor sister. Is she OK?

dollypartonshirspray · 28/05/2021 21:56

I understand OP. My DF was hospitalisés and he didn't let DM or DSis tell me for 48 hours.

I was pretty upset as I felt I had a right to know, I have always let them know if DC or I are unwell.
They mumbled something about not wanting to worry me but I have always felt it was bs. Me knowing would not have changed anything and I really hope it won't happen again.

I don't know how I would have felt if I found out over social media. Thanks

Pavlova31 · 28/05/2021 22:02

Like said above may well be that she felt too poorly and tired to contact individually so confined it to the Facebook post.

KnottedFern · 28/05/2021 22:07

Maybe in the 7 hours between her going to
Hospital and attempting to ring you she was, you know, receiving treatment!!!

She tried to ring you and you didn't answer. She tried to tell you. She doesn't have to tell you instantly. Maybe she was more concerned about why she was actually there! How weird eh!

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/05/2021 22:08

Are you more angry than concerned? It’s a weird reaction.

anothernewtop · 28/05/2021 22:12

@pilks

I agree it's not about me but if she can find time to post on Facebook surely she could have messaged me? I

Well yea, she probably could. I would take the fact that she didn't call you ASAP to be an indication that she doesn't feel you have a close relationship. She was happy for you to find out at the same time as everyone else. What you do about that is your own choice.

HeronLanyon · 28/05/2021 22:25

I’d first be concerned about her. You can deal with why she didn’t call you later on. You might find there’s nothing sinister about it at all. She may have phoned no one (because unwell and hospitalised) then facebooked when she was able and then she called you. She might be on drugs/sleeping/had surgery etc !
Call/text her ffs.

JemimaJoy · 29/05/2021 01:10

I HATE it when people make everything all about them and have tantrums when they don't get individual messages about everything. Unbelievably self absorbed! If she posted on Facebook she obviously wanted to post a quick update so everyone she knew INCLUDING YOU would see? Why do you need a special individual phone call? Do you think she might have more important things to think about then the best way to tell her sister news? What with her being in hospital at all? I can't believe you ignored her call.

ShoutingBirb · 29/05/2021 02:38

@JemimaJoy

I HATE it when people make everything all about them and have tantrums when they don't get individual messages about everything. Unbelievably self absorbed! If she posted on Facebook she obviously wanted to post a quick update so everyone she knew INCLUDING YOU would see? Why do you need a special individual phone call? Do you think she might have more important things to think about then the best way to tell her sister news? What with her being in hospital at all? I can't believe you ignored her call.

I agree.

Justilou1 · 29/05/2021 02:58

You can’t always use your phone in a hospital, but I think social media instead of direct contact is a bit attention-seeking or tacky.

ketchuponpizza · 29/05/2021 17:16

@JemimaJoy

I HATE it when people make everything all about them and have tantrums when they don't get individual messages about everything. Unbelievably self absorbed! If she posted on Facebook she obviously wanted to post a quick update so everyone she knew INCLUDING YOU would see? Why do you need a special individual phone call? Do you think she might have more important things to think about then the best way to tell her sister news? What with her being in hospital at all? I can't believe you ignored her call.
I can see what you mean to a degree but I would never put anything so personal on Facebook. I am not sure when putting a status update was considered a way to directly communicate? Esp to close family members.

I am wondering, are you very close?

No one I know broadcasts things like this.

I hope that your sister is ok OP.

grapewine · 29/05/2021 17:18

@therearenogoodusernamesleft

Easier to let everyone know via one Facebook post than individually message everyone when, you know, you're so ill that you're hospitalised.

You're not coming across well here, OP.

This. One message to all. You need some perspective, OP.
MaryTheMiddle · 29/05/2021 17:29

Well yea, she probably could. I would take the fact that she didn't call you ASAP to be an indication that she doesn't feel you have a close relationship. She was happy for you to find out at the same time as everyone else. What you do about that is your own choice.

This^

It happens!

I have a sister, who has done some downright nasty things in the past, to me and other family. But she keeps saying how close she and I are and wants to come and stay with me etc. I felt really sorry for her to begin with, but every time she came she was more and more entitled and unpleasant to me and just expected us to have a super close relationship "cos we're sisters", no matter how horrible she was to me. I had to reduce contact and she still didn't get that anything was up, just more and more demands; when can I come? Me: how about we meet halfway for the day? No, I want to stay with you. That isn't convenient. Well when then? How about you stay in a local hotel? No, I want to stay with you. I had to say to her, look, have you forgotten how you were aggressive around my children over absolutely nothing or how you've ranted and raved at me for not answering my phone quickly enough?

Anyway, you aren't as bad as my sister I'm sure, but my point is that either it's that your sister was too sick or tired to message you or she doesn't feel your relationship is as close as you do. If you want to work on that, you will need to do that, but otherwise...it happens. Siblings aren't always best friends as adults. Maintaining a decent, but less close relationship is better than forcing a best friends relationship where there isn't one.

Sally872 · 29/05/2021 17:31

How is your sister? Is she OK? Does she need anything. Is there anything you could help with? That's what I would be asking. Not getting angry about the order she told people. Ffs.

It is annoying but hardly worth ignoring her calls over or getting angry about.

VettiyaIruken · 29/05/2021 17:36

I don't tell my sister when I'm in hospital until I've been treated and I'm ok because I love her dearly and I hate to think of her worrying, so I prefer to update her with I'm ok, they did this, I'm back home...

Maybe that's your sister's thinking?

Although I don't post my admissions to Facebook or do the whole "blue lighted" thing and pics of me in my hospital bed on oxygen and if I ever lost my mind and did, I wouldn't leave her to find out that way!

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 29/05/2021 17:37

@dollypartonshirspray

I understand OP. My DF was hospitalisés and he didn't let DM or DSis tell me for 48 hours.

I was pretty upset as I felt I had a right to know, I have always let them know if DC or I are unwell.
They mumbled something about not wanting to worry me but I have always felt it was bs. Me knowing would not have changed anything and I really hope it won't happen again.

I don't know how I would have felt if I found out over social media. Thanks

Me knowing would not have changed anything, Except left you worrying about it for 48 hours more - which they didn't want to do?
Duchess379 · 29/05/2021 17:38

I'm on your sisters side here. Unless your sister is in for major life changing surgery, it's really not for you to get stressed that you're not in the loop. If she wanted you to know, she'd tell you. Ignoring her call afterwards is a bit childish.

GlendaSugarbeanIsJudgingYou · 29/05/2021 17:40

Your sister is in hospital and you are ignoring her.

That's messed up.

Topseyt · 29/05/2021 17:43

I don't get why you are angry. You should be concerned instead.

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