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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Really confused by a work colleagues behaviour

27 replies

F4286 · 28/05/2021 13:31

Hi

I wasn’t sure whether to post on here as a male as I could find a thread from a guy so hope it’s ok as could really do with some female advice....

About 8 months back, we had a new girl start on my shift I wasn’t attracted to her but got on well with her and never thought anything of it

We always assumed she was a lesbian seeing as though all her display pictures are with the same girl and another girl who I know is friends with her on Instagram and said she posted a big happy 7 year anniversary post up with the same girl but she never said anything to us about her relationship or sexual preference which obviously isn’t a problem so no one asked her

2 weeks ago she made a comment to me about how she’s saving for a mortgage but how difficult it is trying to do so as a single person

Then as of last week, she messaged me saying she thinks me and her would be really good together and she can’t wait to see me at work......I replied back saying is she being serious but didn’t get a reply back....

Went back to work and she was really bubbly and acting more louder and outgoing as normal

Wednesday I went out to watch the football with my mate and she messaged me asking am I watching it, then asking me how old is Adam on another shift is, and said “my gosh there is something about him” I said you wanting me to find out if he’s single she commented “maybe” even though I’ve just found out he’s married with kids

I’m so confused with her actions and not really sure what’s going on!?

I’ve also started to develop feelings for her 🤦🏼

Thanks for any advice

OP posts:
justanotherneighinparadise · 28/05/2021 13:34

I’m going to go for ...

Massively immature
A head fuck.

wheresmymojo · 28/05/2021 13:40

I agree with PP...

What's going on is that she's being weird and is either massively immature or not very emotionally stable.

It's entirely possible that the question about 'Adam' is meant to make you jealous but that's not really a very clever way to start something is it?

Red flags here for someone who will be hard work TBH.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/05/2021 13:43

She's a disaster waiting to happen. Do yourself a favour and stop texting her. Fucking around with colleagues is almost always a huge mistake.

Opentooffers · 28/05/2021 13:44

At best she's trying to make you jealous by asking about someone else, which shows a certain immaturity, and she's trying to coax you into action.
Or, she could actually be on the prowl and the rebound from a recent split - risky to go there in that case.
Thirdly, she could be showing off that you've missed your chance ( well she did lay out how she felt in black and white, but you didn't respond).
Many women I know are bi, so having had a female partner means nothing.
Tell her you like her if you want, but the teenage behaviour would put many off.

seensome · 28/05/2021 13:46

Leave well alone, seems like she gets off on playing around with people. Never a good idea with someone you work with anyway.

Original poster
F4286 · 28/05/2021 17:10

Thank you so much for the replies really helpful

Annoyingly she’s got into my head and it has worked

One my best mates did say she’s playing games and trying to make me jealous but the whole game stuff just completely puts me off

I am tempted to text and ask her what her actual intentions are with me but not sure if that’ll make things awkward as hell for work

OP posts:
DeathBy1000PipeCleaners · 28/05/2021 17:16

Don't text and ask: don't engage.

If her texts are questions or require a response, take as long as possible to reply to texts. Make your replies as short and flat as possible.

If her texts don't need a response, don't give one.

Speaking of playing games: an analogy I've seen here before is one of a game of tennis. If one player stops hitting the ball back, there is no game. Don't engage; be boring; don't hit the ball back.

ConfusedAdultFemale · 28/05/2021 17:20
Hmm
Moondust001 · 28/05/2021 17:21

@justanotherneighinparadise

I’m going to go for ...

Massively immature
A head fuck.

You mean the OP?

A new girl started on the shift - last I looked, girls go to school and women work.
We assumed she is a lesbian (who is the "we" who speculates about a colleagues sexuality?) because - horror of horrors - she has photo's taken of her with other women on her social media; and obviously there would be loads of pictures of her with men if she was straight, because "girls" can't get enough pictures of themselves with men. But you obviously can't be friends with a woman for seven years if you are a girl and straight.
I could continue, but I need to go post a photo of me with my best girlfriend of 20 years despite her being married to a man.

EBearhug · 28/05/2021 17:22

In your OP, you said you weren't attracted to her. If that's the case, then it doesn't matter if she's keen on you. Just keep it professional and make sure she's aware you're not interested in more than friendship and working together.

If your feelings have changed - from what you've said, I'm not sure I'd trust her, so it's still best to keep it just friendly and professional. But if you're not going to - are you really keen, or is it just she is behaving like she might be up for it? If she's just playing around, you risk getting hurt if you really are keen, and that's difficult to work with. (I mean, there's always a risk of getting hurt, but it sounds more like she's after anyone available, rather than specifically you.) I would tread carefully.

I wouldn't text her to ask her intentions, either - it's probably a conversation best held face-to-face, if at all.

ShinyBlackBoots · 28/05/2021 17:23

Even if she is interested in you, I suspect that questions re Adam (ornother ken) would continue to arise.

I agree with the others - she's a bit of a head fuck.

Maybe she just likes the idea of multiple men being attracted to her 🤷🏻‍♀️

Either way, she is not stable girlfriend material.

Flowers500 · 28/05/2021 18:13

This is a disaster waiting to happen...

You’d get with her, she’ll try it on with someone else in work, you’ll have an epic falling out in work...

Original poster
F4286 · 28/05/2021 18:19

I appreciate that just because she’s in a profile pic with another girl it doesn’t make her a lesbian but there were lots of other indications such as her posting on her Instagram happy 7 year anniversary and a pic of the girl that’s in all her photos

OP posts:
Original poster
F4286 · 28/05/2021 18:21

That reply was to Moondust001 but not sure how to reply directly

Thanks again to all your replies will keep well away and agree it is a disaster waiting to happen

OP posts:
TinyRobins · 28/05/2021 18:24

Maybe she bi and they split up 🤷‍♀️

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 28/05/2021 18:33

About 8 months back, we had a new girl start on my shift I wasn’t attracted to her but got on well with her and never thought anything of it

We always assumed she was a lesbian

See my first thought when a man joins our crew is whether or not he is fit for the job. I don’t worry about his sexuality either.

And you don’t want her until you think she might want someone else.

Isn’t she the lucky one? Hmm

I can feel my inner (Catherine Tate) Nan bubbling up…

RaeRaeMama · 28/05/2021 18:41

Proper snorted at "I've started to develop feelings for her" you mean, you want to have a sex with her and think she's in to you

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 28/05/2021 18:45

You dropped something OP

Here you go 👍🏼

…………………………………………..

Original poster
F4286 · 28/05/2021 18:48

@RaeRaeMama

Proper snorted at "I've started to develop feelings for her" you mean, you want to have a sex with her and think she's in to you
No not at all, over the past few weeks I’ve had a really good bond with her and got on like a house on fire but didn’t let any emotions get in the way as I never thought she was interested

Then when she messaged the other day saying she thinks we would be good together and cannot wait to see me it kinda threw my emotions all over the place then confused me even more when she said about other guy

OP posts:
wdmtthgcock · 28/05/2021 20:02

Forget her.
Time waster.

ChristmasFluff · 28/05/2021 20:54

How relationships start is always how they end - yours has begun with confusion an other men.

I've saved you buying a TARDIS

Everything from here is you choosing confusion and other men. Or sensibly choosing NOT

Original poster
F4286 · 28/05/2021 23:26

Ok really appreciate everyone’s replies been really helpful, thanks a lot

OP posts:
lolacola77 · 28/05/2021 23:51

Are you a lesbian? She's game playing. I'd seriously play it cool and not get involved.

Original poster
F4286 · 29/05/2021 00:34

@lolacola77

Are you a lesbian? She's game playing. I'd seriously play it cool and not get involved.
Straight male

I’m not going to, will leave it as it is

OP posts:
Newcastleteacake · 29/05/2021 00:49

This girl is trouble with a capital T. Keep her at arms length and maintain a professional working relationship only. If you engage I guarantee you will lose your job and possibly more.

She is also behaving highly inappropriately. If it were are male sending these messages to a female you can bet HR would be involved in a snap.

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