My partner asked my attacker if it was true

[Cresida]

Sorry, I've posted this more than once because I don't think I posted it in the correct place the first time

I told my ex partner (while we were together) that I was sexually assaulted by someone we know. He’s not friends with the person but they know each other. Behind my back, while I was pregnant, he had a conversation with this person and asked them if they really did sexually assault me. Obviously the person denied it, he never told me he asked. I knew they had a conversation but my partner told me something entirely different from what was actually said.
The person who assaulted me was my landlord at the time. I went to pay rent in cash one day his first question to me was “why did you tell”. So I instantly knew what had happened.
I broke up with my partner that day and months later I asked him why he did that. His answer was “I wanted to get to the truth. You may be the kind of person that believes everything you’re told but I’m not so I wanted to know for myself if it was true”. 🙃 he doesn’t see anything wrong with what he did.
I’m interested to know peoples opinions on this

Did he not see the irony in that? He doesnt believe everything he is told so has to check... and he checks by being told, by the one person who has every reason to lie?

Your ex sounds like a fucking idiot. You can feel secure living your life knowing that you are right and he was totally, completely, identically wrong.

What the hell was he thinking? Did he think the guy would go, "oh yeah, that was me, I assaulted her". Of course he would lie! And your ex believed what he was told; he just didnt believe you. That tells you everything you need to know about the type of person he is. Forget about him.

That is absolutely unacceptable behaviour from him! I’m glad you left him and hope you reported the attack to the police but can understand why you wouldn’t if your own partner couldn’t even believe you. You’re much better off without him. All women who are brave enough to come forward and soak about things like this should be listened to and believed. Especially by their partners! I hope you’re doing okay now

Not only was your ex in the wrong, he was a total fool. As if your attacker would do anything but deny it.

You're better off without him.

What he actually said to you in reply was "I think any man's opinion is better than yours"

As others have said, he asked the one person whose answer was guaranteed to be "no" whether you were telling the truth or not.

Be glad you no longer have to deal with someone so lacking in logic.

He is a Pollock, basically.

You did the right thing dumping him. Someone who would think you might not be being honest isn't good enough for you

You did the right thing breaking up with your partner, but it sounds like you're still involved (?)

Totally aside from personal issues; your partner has to be dumber than a sack of rocks .... The vast vast majority of perpetrators never admit crimes, why would they?

And if he admitted it, with or without a recording; he's just landed himself with a potential trial for a sex crime, and if found guilty .. a sentence! And a criminal record.

Then there his reputation etc.

Why the fk would anyone admit that?!

If your partner doesn't believe what he's told, why would he believe the landlord (who has reason to lie)??

Logic and intelligence aren't his strong points are they.

You did the right thing. I couldn't have forgiven that betrayal. And it was a complete betrayal. I hope you are OK OP. You deserved so much better than that

Why would anyone lie about something so traumatic - if he had to get confirmation from the perpetrator who would obviously deny it all is really sad - he broke your trust and the bond between you - better off without him x

Sorry for the whole experience OP.

So your ex basically said he didn't believe your word and gave equal, or more, weight to that of a man who, to paraphrase Mandy Rice Davies, would lie, wouldn't he?

He sounds completely lacking in empathy or concern for your safety if you were still living in your attacker's property at the time. You're so much better off without him.

He sounds like he had firmly held but ill thought through principles and no ability to react thoughtfully to delicate real life situations. I.e. not much of a thinker. If he didn't trust you to the point of thinking you had fabricated a sexual assault by someone you both knew, he should have just ended things, not do his own half arsed investigations putting you at risk.

Dickhead.
You did the right thing.

I'm so sorry you've been through this. Your ex is a complete dick.

Well he's your ex now so it sounds like you dealt with the situation absolutely correctly and should now leave this aspect of the situation in the past and move on from it, otherwise it's going to drag you down.

Did you tell the police about the assault?

It was a huge betrayal! Well done for dumping him.

What he actually did was act specifically with the aim of wanting you to feel like you wouldnt be believed. He engeneered things. He knew the person would get in touch with you. And you would then be made to feel like your partner didn't believe you.

He basically is a vile man who wanted to break your self esteem, using your abuser to help him do so.

And he told you as much in his response.

You were so right to dump him. Please stay away from people like him. He is utterly vile. Please don't let him convince you he is just stupid and thoughtless because no one is that stupid and thoughtless.

You've done right and the best you could by making him an 'ex'. He's shown you where his loyalty is - and it's not with you.
I hope months on you've managed to get away from your attacker also being your landlord, as it's outrageous that you had to see him again just to pay your rent, I don't know how you managed that. I hope you have some more supportive family or friends to lean on who can advise you.

Jesus, I'm glad he's now your ex! I am sorry for both your horrible experiences, OP. I can't imagine a boyfriend asking someone who attacked me whether they did so. It's just crazy, there's no other word for. Why would he believe the attacker and not his girlfriend? Fucking nuts.

That is absolutely unacceptable and I would absolutely end my relationship for that.

Did you have children with this man? Is that why you're still in contact?

He's a prime example of the dangers of the patriarchy. Believe men above women. Believe thr attacked above the victim, because thr male attacker can be trusted to be honest but the woman cant.

He’s an idiot be glad he’s an ex

I mean, what did he ask him?
'Did you sexually assault my girlfriend, mate?'
What did he actually expect him to say?
'Yeah I did. My bad.' Of bloody course he wasn't going to admit to something so vile!

I hope you have a new place to live now and you’re safe from that landlord? Your ex was a knob as well

Take care

He also put you in danger of further harm from your landlord by angering him.

I hope you are ok and have managed to get away from the situation x

Your ex sounds dim.

He's a ...(I don't have a strong enough word for him!!)

Well done for dumping him immediately!

Given you did that, I'm assuming your not considering getting back with him?

I hope you reported the landlord, but can understand if you didn't. Please tell me you're not still renting from him.

Were you assaulted while you were with the Twat or before you were wuth him?

How are you & your baby doing? Is the baby your Ex's? Do you think he thought you were having sex with others & the baby might not be his?

That is horrible, I am so glad you dumped him, OP. One man going to another to ask him if he sexually assualted his partner, rather than just believing her. Utter fucking twat. As for your landlord saying, "Why did you tell?" You can tell who you fucking like, he's bloody lucky you haven't told the police! No judgement if you don't want to. I hope you and your baby can move on without this 'man' in your life. He has let you down so badly and doesn't even have the sense or the grace to admit it.