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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Is he cheating?

43 replies

Sammi1975 · 27/05/2021 16:00

Recently (5months ago) found out my partner of 4years is bisexual, the fact he lied about it hurt the most. Since I found out it's also come out that he would hook up with random guys, have male to male massage and pay for happy endings! Not to mention group sex and voyerism! He claims he loves me and would never cheat, but today I have found sexual enhancement pills hidden in a drawer, we haven't had intercourse for months, what do I say to him?

OP posts:

Lollypop4 · 27/05/2021 16:02

Tell him he is a cheat and kick him out!

BadMotherLover · 27/05/2021 16:03

In my view he is cheating on you. What you from this point is up to you, but I think it is pretty clear he is gay, you haven't had sex for months, and he is having sex with other men. I am sorry.

AryaStarkWolf · 27/05/2021 16:09

Sounds likely OP, sorry

OldEvilOwl · 27/05/2021 16:11

Throw him out!

Original poster

Sammi1975 · 27/05/2021 16:12

I think I know in my head that he's cheating, I just don't want to believe it I guess. I'm also fed up of feeling like crap, he'll just deny cheating and make up another excuse. I think I'm his blanket to hide from his family who he really is, which is basically someone that will go with anything!

OP posts:

OnTheHuntForAHome · 27/05/2021 16:13

Why haven't you had sex for months?

AryaStarkWolf · 27/05/2021 16:14

@Sammi1975

Just having those thoughts about him in your head is enough reason to end it honestly. Just end it

katy1213 · 27/05/2021 16:18

Is he cheating? he's shagging other men! he didn't tell you he was bi-sexual. How much more cheated-upon can you get?
What you say is goodbye.

ComtesseDeSpair · 27/05/2021 16:23

You don’t have to have proof, or a confession, or even a “good enough” reason to end a relationship. You can end a relationship because you haven’t had sex in months, because you don’t trust him, because he simply isn’t a very good partner. You don’t need conclusive evidence of whether he’s cheating.

joystir59 · 27/05/2021 16:36

You are his beard

joystir59 · 27/05/2021 16:38

thewisdomdaily.com/are-you-a-beard/

Aquamarine1029 · 27/05/2021 16:39

You should have left him 5 months ago. Don't even waste time with a conversation. Just leave him.

ThePontiacBandit · 27/05/2021 16:47

I reckon you could say “I don’t trust you, this relationship is over”. He can’t argue with that, can’t tell you you’re wrong, deny anything. Bottom line is you can’t trust him, because of the revelations. You’ve been in a sexless relationship for 5 months. Do yourself a favour and Chuck him!

sunnyblackwidow · 27/05/2021 17:06

He sounds gay and is cheating. Thank goodness you've found out now and can leave.

Treacletoots · 27/05/2021 17:13

Yep. Sorry OP. You're his beard. Either that or this is the Daily Fail. I can't quite decide

Inthesameboatatmo · 27/05/2021 17:23

Sorry you are going through this op.
Sling him the fuck out and get yourself tested for STDs

PinkSatinMoon · 27/05/2021 18:40

@Lollypop4

Tell him he is a cheat and kick him out!

This 🥺

Tlollj · 27/05/2021 18:41

Say goodbye.

bigbaggyeyes · 27/05/2021 21:26

Of course he's cheating. Doesn't matter of it's with a man or a woman, cheating is cheating

Original poster

Sammi1975 · 28/05/2021 09:20

So I said nothing, left the pills on his bedside table clearly on display!! Nothing? He's said absolutely nothing, just silence! I've told him he has to go, now I just wind myself up all day waiting for it come in from work, or whatever he's doing

OP posts:

SakuraEdenSwan1 · 28/05/2021 09:24

You have the power to leave @Sammi1975 so why doubt yourself?

promdresses49 · 28/05/2021 09:25

I dated a man from work that presented as being quire camp although very good looking and charming. My colleagues were surprised as they thought he was gay. He would drop in references regarding other gay men in the office - he had every opportunity to tell me he was bi sexual but didn't. He asked me to have tests before we got intimate including aids and showed me his negative tests but was neurotic about having regular tests and wanted me to . Sex was going through the motions - mainly pleasuring him and rarely me - he never hugged or showed any true affection. He did not see me during the lockdown as we could not be 'physical' - it gave me time to come to my senses. I really battled to accept he was bisexual - its hard enough dating a straight guy but to have competition from both sides is no joke

chickenyhead · 28/05/2021 09:27

Why did he wait 3years to tell you? Guilty conscience? It had obviously been on his mind.

For me, this would be done. This information should have been shared earlier.

Umberellatheweatha · 28/05/2021 09:29

'Leave and stay the hell away from me you cheating piece of shit' would be a good start.

OP you would be wise to get a sexual health test. He could have been shagging men unprotected this whole 4 years past and then coming home to you.

Be thankful you found out now rather than after a marriage!

The fact that he literally gives no shits and is still hanging around you without leaving, head hung in Shame shows you what a vile person he is.

Cut him loose and run!

MMmomDD · 28/05/2021 09:33

How did it all come out 5mo ago? And why has there been no sex for months?
While bisexual people can have a monogamous relationships, given the lack of upfront honesty and his history - i doubt he is sincere.
It is likely the relationship with you is a cover.
Sorry

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